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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Well .. lol ..
Post Info TOPIC: Well .. lol ..
SerenityRUS


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Well .. lol ..
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Things are going better than I could have imagined considering what is going on.  First off, I didn't have to go to court .. that is huge.  STBAX was sentenced .. I'm relieved that part is over .. I got dealt an unexpected surprise that there is not a no contact order in the final order and I'm disturbed about that fact.  So I am following up.  What is bothering me is as the "victim" in this case why wasn't I informed of it.  Honestly, my stbax has been out of the house now for 2 years and during that time his mental health as well as his addiction has gotten worse.  I can't say he wouldn't hurt me .. so why give him the opportunity.  I've had an EOP for the past 7 months ... now I will have to continue to go to court for that .. I guess it is what it is at this point.  Everything else I expected .. I'm grateful .. trust me .. at first I I had a weird feeling about it .. it was like after one EOP court hearing that I got a little spanked in .. first time I appeared without counsel.  The bottom line long run is .. it wound up being better than I realized .. that's a good thing.  It just took me a couple days to reconcile it all.  Well guess what .. I have come to the conclusion .. this is not a loss for me in the least .. 12 months no drinking, 12 months self probation, has to pay fines (900$ not including his atty fees), 50 hours of community service (I know each hour he serves he will cuss me .. LOL .. I'm ok with that .. they are pretty strict in our little town about finishing the hours).  What this translates to me is I have set precedent about how I will deal with him .. and I have to do this for another 9 years, I will not be treated as I was during our marriage.  I sent a message to his atty that I will not play with him either.  I'm sure I'm out of my league .. you know what .. so what .. I bite when necessary and I will if poked by either of them.  So maybe they need to leave me alone for a bit .. I think that will happen for a short term. 

The fact he now has a current record with his drinking issues attached is very very huge for me when it comes to the safety of the kids.  I can now ask for SCRAM if there is another violation regardless if he sees the kids or not.  Plus I'm pretty much guaranteed that he will not see the kids for the next year .. he can't go 48 hours without drinking.  At this point the children have sent a clear boundary for him that if he drinks while they are there .. they will call me and I will call the police.  So another year of peace for us and that is a good thing .. if he's not on his best behavior he will eventually get caught.  12 months is way long for him to go without drinking and even when he hasn't been drinking .. he turns to the pills which increases his insane behavior.  All I have to do is stay out of his tornado. 

I am going back Monday to my old job.  I am so excited and can't wait!  Friday I popped in and spent time enjoying visiting with everyone.  I was asked to interview on a permanent basis for the job.  I'm SOOOO excited!!!  One of my favorite drivers saw me walking in as he was pulling in and came to welcome me back.  He's such a sweet kid and he expressed how happy he was I was back.  It was very validating to have so many people just smile and say .. oh it is SO good to see you! 

It is such an opportunity to really apply what I have learned in therapy and my own program going forward.  I can't wait to get caught up on everything.  I told the gal I was working with .. OMGOSH .. LOL .. I remember some I am going to be asking some crazy questions .. be patient!  I am just over the moon this comes as a great time!! 

Anyway, life is very good .. and I am very excited!!  biggrin

Hugs S :)

 



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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
grateful2be


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Oh, Serenity! What fun to see you so happy today! Thanks for the update and most especially - the very good news about your new job!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah!!!!!!! Your financial needs are being addressed by opening a door to employment for you at just the right time! How good is that??!!!!

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Mari1978


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((Serenity))
Thank you go sharing such an inspirational post!
Sending lots of love and support on your journey!!!

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oldergal


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Congrats! you certainly deserve this happiness and peace you worked hard to get here everyone has followed your path and knows this....

In support og



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Mattie


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I am so glad that you got good results!

I'm afraid I have not followed your situation with enough detail...  As I understand it, you have reasonable concern that he might use violence against you if in a situation with you.  And he will continue to drink.  (No surprise there for any of us.)  Are your children safe with him?  As I understand it, they will still be visiting.  Is there a chance he might try to run off with them, or that he might try to do away with himself and them all?  Of course I devoutly hope not.  Forgive my speaking so plainly.  I'm just hoping the courts have taken enough action, given what you describe.  But I am very glad they've taken this seriously.



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SerenityRUS


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Mattie, Hugs .. my kids are 14 and 9. I don't know what to think about him and violence. My 1st ex wound up beating me when I told him I was leaving. I'd rather error on the side of caution. My stbax his behavior has gotten increasingly weird since last May. The last visitation before I filed the EOP he was texting me consistently with things imagined .. I was having an affair with a married co worker at his job. I was out running around when i didn't have the kids. All fabrications in his mind. He had co workers pulling into my driveway to see if i was home .. i caught one as i walked out the door. I had that I'm my complaint he did not deny it. He was telling and questioning the kids about who i was dating .. my "social friend/s" they met. He was sending texts how he was bringing the sheriff and picking stuff up 2 days before my mom arrived from California. Texting at midnight, Texting when he had the kids, just very harassing behavior. It was escalating. This is been on and off for a long time. At first I engaged him .. then last January I started doing things different .. I started telling him to stop, I would discuss the kids and nothing else. It just went on for such a long time that after the kids were dropped off with sheriff supervision there were no more drop offs at the house. Then after the deputy said umm he's not ok .. I filed the EOP. 3 weeks into the EOP he violated it 3x. He had the kids, drunk and my 14 year old days come get us. Ironically that wasn't the violation. It was 3rd party violation .. he told her via text to have me call him .. after much prayer I called it in and this is the end result. Since this happened he hasn't seen the kids and has had limited contact with them .. couple phone calls and texts. That's it. Thankfully .. I haven't had to deal with the issues of visitation. The kids are active in therapy. They would like to see him .. they don't want to spend the night. If he tried to take off with them .. he would be screwed. I mean by them .. they are smart and resilient. I forgot to include the fact he was admitted into a psychward in August involuntarily. It's been a mess is putting it mildly. I've done everything I can do to make sure the kids are safe. They are aware of the situation because of how things have transpired .. it's unfortunate .. it is what it is.

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Debilyn


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wow!! What a great, positive share! You made a goal, a huge one and did it! That was a big monster to have to face, but you continued with courage to carry out what you needed done.

I like that you let the atty know you will not allow any bs. You did the,"teach people how to treat you" saying.

It is very sad as the A in no way will be able to satisfy the courts orders. His disease really has him in a mess. I wonder if AA, rehab or doing something is looking much better than continuing as he is. I say sad as he is a human and he has beautiful children the disease is taking away from him, and him them.

It's great you have taught them how to take care of themselves.

hugz! debilyn



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