The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It disgusts me when people come off so selfish and unable to see beyond their own noses. And well I first found in in my addict Mother, everything too was about what she wanted, when, how and you better make it work out with all your might or be prepared! My exAH never once hit me, he got close and broke everything around me, hit his fist next to my head and through a door, woke me up in a black out snarling and pulled my hair, ultimately making me realize the next time he did so he could have come in and woken me up with one of his guns in hand, verbally he had me feeling very worthless, but maybe that was before I even met him. I am so uncomfortably comfortable when I start getting to know someone and they start making me work harder for the relationship male or female. I easily start heading into this full steam ahead, until I remember al-anon and think, Oh no I am NOT! I lost myself into other people before losing who I am and myself into them completely forgetting I ever had an opinion or voice and can not do it again. I had a close call with a friend and was starting to get sucked in, then I remembered all the work I put into taking care of me, what I came from has set me up for some things and I naturally start walking on eggshells before even thinking about it, but with al-anon I have learned I do not owe anyone a part of my time or life. I do not have to sacrifice myself for people they can figure things out for themselves and I am no longer needy and do not want to attract needy people any longer. I do help people in little ways quite a bit and that is very different from what I am talking of here. So today I am grateful for red flags and remembering to hear them and stop and listen and think before letting someone glob on so tight I may never resurface. I am an ACOA and a codependent and have to work diligently to stay free and striving forward in my life on my terms. I am doing the best I can everyday and am striving forward getting stronger all the time thanks to al-anon. Keep on keeping on everyone, sending love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Me too, I go for the big selfish egos too. I am not sure why, maybe its lack of self esteem and those big selfish egos dont pay too much attention to me or look too closely, they are too busy looking at themselves. Also loose myself in relationships, begin the walking on egg shells and I can also become very critical of friends, in my head anyway, then I feel guilty and then im extra nice. My program has and is teaching me better though, im determined to break this, I owe myself better than those big selfish egos. Thanks for sharing.x
I LOVE the thread title (can relate, of course) and even more so your post that explains your progression and recovery in this area. I had a brush with a Big Selfish Ego* last night and didn't do too well with it. I yelled at it and exited out of the conversation. Well I guess that's a step up from swallowing every little bit of blame hook, line and sinker, and cowering like a frightened puppy. Next step: extricate myself from the Big Selfish Ego relationships.
I understand. I dated a guy once who was so humble and gentle and just a genuinely nice guy. I dumped him after 4 months. I always liked the drama of the big ego, but it never occurred to me to see it as a red flag until I got into program. Thanks for sharing, it's a gentle reminder to practice the program in ALL relationships and to watch for red flags wherever we go(both with ourselves and with others).
but with al-anon I have learned I do not owe anyone a part of my time or life. I do not have to sacrifice myself for people they can figure things out for themselves and I am no longer needy and do not want to attract needy people any longer. I do help people in little ways quite a bit and that is very different from what I am talking of here. So today I am grateful for red flags and remembering to hear them and stop and listen and think before letting someone glob on so tight I may never resurface. I am an ACOA and a codependent and have to work diligently to stay free and striving forward in my life on my terms. I am doing the best I can everyday and am striving forward getting stronger all the time thanks to al-anon. Keep on keeping on everyone, sending love and support!
hey BF, I hear ya, my friend...I am coda and acoa and that is in remission only when i stick w/my program and i can be sober, emotionally, one day at a time.....I am so glad you SEE the flags B4 , as we do, get all stuck in someone else's stuff.....I have to watch too....male friends...female friends...family, I does not matter, I have to make sure I stay on MY side of the street., and worry about the leaves on MY sidewalk, not theirs....now I iwll give a person a boost if they are overwhelmed and need a "nudge", no worries, but I will not carry their "life's lunchbox" for them....but i have to be vigilent.....I like your post title....I thought "oh yea, this post is for me, " LOL...yep...I can relate...BIG time...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I like the part about recognizing red flags. That's one thing that this program has given me is the ability to trust my gut and recognize when something isn't right and to move away.
Before al-anon, I would always fight for the approval of other addicts and people that showed rejection. I tried to be everything they thought I should be. That mimicked the actions of me as a child. I never realized I was doing it until I began to get healthier and now I am all the more happy for it.
Bravo. It's wonderful when you can recognize the red flags and actually listen to your inner voice instead of using denial and that codependent "I'll fix it for them" to get a small shred of approval and the illusion of love from the big selfish ego. I like this way a lot better. I love this share.
el-cee's suggestion...that they are wrapped up in themselves so much that they don't look too hard at me rings true for me. Actually when guys DO ask me questions and try to discuss feelings I get really uncomfortable and run for the hills. Food for thought. Good topic!
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