The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes, it's time to make some confessions. It is only now I can see the forest from the trees! Going back a few years, I need to share about some of the things I did in my futile attempt to cope with my A. I bought alcohol test strips that work from saliva. I snuck and looked at A's schedule to see when it looked fishy. I called her place of employment to find out about alleged holiday parties and vacations times. I looked through A's car and brief case. I guess I only didn't check A's phone because I didn't know how to work it. I called my A at unexpected times to see if I heard the noises of a bar. I considered following my A. Now I see. Then I couldn't. I didn't have my own life and now I do. All of those those behaviors stopped more than a year ago. And now I am experiencing a new, alanon freedom. As of last week I don't even ask what my A is doing each day. I feel free for the first time in years. Because even if I asked, there is no trust, so what was the point anyway? My new life is so much better. I know I may slip and fall but I promise myself to continue in recovery to make those times fewer and fewer and farther inbetween. My new behaviors are not embarrassing. I'm proud of them. Love, Lyne
Thank you for your inspiring, uplifting, honest post. You have worked long and hard and have achieved many of the Al-Anon promises. Keep on keeping on and the best is yet to come.
I am glad that you are sharing the journey and appreciate your clarity.
I was at a face to face meeting a few weeks ago when the focus was 'unacceptable behavior'. Of course many of us talked about the unacceptable behavior we were attempting to live with for a long time with our As. For me, it was seeing my OWN unacceptable behavior. I look back to a year ago from now and I was doing it all: checking his phone, reading his email, calling contacts in his phone, looking through his wallet, instrument case, pockets. It was awful. It was not the person I was meant to be. I was seriously sick (besides this behavior I was barely eating and was nautious all the time). After a little more than a year in the program I am a much healthier happier person than I was.
I was so happy to read the same about you--sounds like you are working a strong program :)
((((Lyne))))...been there and done that and done some of that exactly how you've done it. Alcoholism is a great compulsive motivator for behaviors that are insane. For almost every trick I had the alcoholic/addict had a counter trick...I was always a mile behind the disease and not today...Today, like you, I am free. (((hugs)))
Oh oh, I just noticed that my f2f meeting this Friday is in Unacceptable Behavior. I just saw it and hadn't given it much thought.
Now I'm starting to give it much thought. I can even look back at posts in this forum that I have made that show unacceptable behavior such as looking for bottles. People gave me advice on how and why not to look for bottles. It kinda made sense but not enough for me to stop at that point in time.
Now I understand and,apparently, have made some progress. I haven't searched for a bottle in awhile. And, with HP's help, I won't need to.
But if I feel the need to sometime in the future, I've got those posts to go back to. How cool is that!!
Great time to be gentle with yourself and see the insanity the disease just carries with it. One of the hardest lessons I'm dealing with self forgiveness. When I can do that it will become a lot easier to forgive others. It is always so great read about the progress you make each time you post! ! Congrats! Hugs! !
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
