"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

An option for handling sensitive issues that arise on the forum?

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I love this idea of a members board, I had the same kind of idea. I do know by talking to the moderators all seems well now, I had to ask, because I too was disturbed by the goings on. I love my MIP family and know at times we will have things arise, we all have egos and our own faults that brought us here in the first place that can rear their heads from time to time. I am glad you brought this up, great thread. I second the motion. We individually and as a group need to be held accountable in our program and sometimes that is a gentle reminder. We are a very supportive and loving family and everyone brings their ESH which has helped me one way or the other, even if it is to teach me to (MYOB) mind my own business) or to (QTIP) quit taking it personally, which are two I am still working on. I still feel like this is a safe place to come and share, it just reminded me not to give advice and to just try to help people find their own answers that will work for them. Sending you love and support PP!

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

It seems that this is an opportunity to just let go and let God.

We have very good mod's on the board and having a whole other group of people to weigh in seems to complicate a situation that has already passed.

A very big THANK YOU to the mod's that are active and present daily it's not an easy job to reign in so many different personalities and ideas. I have enough drama in my life and don't need the additional stress based upon what I'm currently going through.

Love to you both, S :)

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I appreciate the mods and all their love and their efforts. I also appreciate the rest of the family and I, too, would like to see something similar to Paula's suggestion. In this way, we protect the newcomer while still dealing with what really do became "family issues" that affects us in both subtle and overt ways that sometimes we don't even understand because we have no facts. Not everyone would have to be a part of this group consensus pm thing. But, for those of us who would like to participate in it, I support Paula's suggestion. Thank you, Paula.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I kinda have mixed feelings about this....

Yea, I was saddened and uncomfortable over the issue last night but I kinda think like Serenity does..,To me, it was dealt with in a fast, efficient manner by our moderators...

One moderator kinda diffused things by her wise suggestion of using the program tools and other stuff

and then another moderator deleted the thread which i totally agreed with b/c it could have gone on and on w/newbies getting spooked and we didn't need that....

I was uncomfortable with the incident, too, but I kinda trust that even tho we are alanons w/coda issues, and other stuff we are working on, for the most part, whether or not we are working strong on our programs, we are HERE...for a REASON...and that HOPEFULLY is for self improvement/healing

I don't "like" everyone here...BUT, I don't have to...This is not a fraternity or sorority house, it is a recovery room where folks are just not gonna "like" everyone they encounter, but if we work our program tools and practice the suggestions of the program, usually we can work this stuff out and "play nice" with our fellow travelers...I have grown a lot here...If I decide I don't want any interaction w/another member, I just "live and let live" "keep the focus on me" and detach with respect and just do not post on their threads...Leave it alone...Mine my own business...I could't have done that before...I had to always be right or have the last word...Now I can walk away....

MY suggestion is to trust in the mods and we have pm facilities for a reason...I see the mods on here, at least one of them pretty much all the time...

Some time back, I had a problem w/someone who shamed me and "got on me" about my posts....Like I could expect a "love note" from this person almost every day....I took it up w/owner b/c my trying to deal with it via pm's and just asserting my program was not working...I was gonna quit the board...In fact I had backed waaay off b/c of this and my already sensitivity about being useful here b/c i eliminated close contact w/all the A's in my life so i am essentially ACA.....anyway, owner addressed it and problem solved...Noone was the wiser b/c it was done privately

I just worry if we get a "members board" it will be like too many cooks dealing with the same soup....So far this current way is working....

Stuff is going to happen when you got a bunch of alanons/codies/acoa'ies all here trying to feel better about themselves and their lives....I think we should just trust in the structure of alanon and our fine moderators, they are doing a hell of a job in my opinion.....AND trust in ourselves to be mature enough to work our stuff out....

NICE post, Paula and I am glad you brought this up....

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

just tossing out some ???s...I think I still sit on my take, but

re: members board..

would they be volunteers??? or picked???

and if picked how would the "un picked" ones take that???

and wouldn't that kinda diminish the service of the moderators who were carefully picked and elected by owner??? and , like I said earlier, are doing a great job

I am glad, Paula, you brought this up b/c all ideas and suggestions should be voiced

last night didn't WE who responded as esh'ers, didn't we serve as a member board??? even tho it was all public, it was kinda a "members opinion" those who wanted to share, did...those who chose to stay out did but it was all choice

I guess i get nervous about too many , even part time moderators/members board b/c it smells of a "police state" within this community...

JUST saying....PLEASE take what you can use and discard the rest....I just kinda percolated this issue in my head b/c it is such a good point and Paula, that took guts for you to stand up and post your feelings...I respect that, even tho some of us agree...some don't, its getting our thoughts out that matters....

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

I am not attached to any of this, really. I feel quite complete in just expressing and letting go aww

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Our current moderators do an excellent job! I do not want to take away from them at all, nor do I want to disrupt what al-anon and MIP do here for all of us. I like the idea of somewhere to air things without having to take away from what this is all about, but that may already be in place with the current moderators. What do I know, not much about the policies here. Sending everyone love and support!

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Breakingfree wrote:
Our current moderators do an excellent job! I do not want to take away from them at all, nor do I want to disrupt what al-anon and MIP do here for all of us. I like the idea of somewhere to air things without having to take away from what this is all about, but that may already be in place with the current moderators. What do I know, not much about the policies here. Sending everyone love and support!

hey BF, I think you have a good point......I also love the fact that we are thinking...tossing out ??s...bringing up suggestions.....it is ALL good........different opinions teach me new ways of looking at stuff.....I love the way you always "sending everyone love and support" that is real neat...So are you smile smile

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I like Paula's suggestion because that could be something that would benefit our MIP family. It is in line with Al-Anon principles and traditions. My suggestion is to consider group conscience meetings for MIP board participants if we don't already have something like that so that when issues arise that affect our family, each member is able to voice what they truly think and feel about an issue (not a person) and decisions can be made as a family together and published? Just an idea to throw out there in support of Paula's suggestion.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 16th of January 2014 09:11:48 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 16th of January 2014 10:23:45 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 16th of January 2014 10:25:17 PM

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Foremost this is Johns overwhelming service to have MIP. He has vast experience, I have seen it for around 12 years now. He has done exactly the same thing, kept strife off the board. Hey he taught me not to do it! He has been very patient with me and many others.The rules are clear, the 12 traditions are too!

To have personal things out in public is not appropriate. It would cause gossip, people not agreeing and take our focus of what is the most important, working our program.

Betty is very wise, simply put principles before personalities!

If someone feels there is a problem, please go to a mod, let us know. That is part of your wonderful service! That does make us a group. Then the problem can be delt with, with no hard feelings. That is what has John, give us the humble service to be a mod!

No one wants to be uncomfortable in a forum worried they are going to be scrutinized by another member.

I appreciate so much to hear everyones thoughts and feelings. That is a huge thing to feel comfortable enough and courageous enough to speak up!

Always said from my heart. debilyn

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I actually have learned to try to find the lesson in things when I get unnerved, because generally there is a lesson in it for me and I am to a point I like to now learn from things the first time around if I can as I get older I am not as stubborn and more open. There were a few lessons for me in this one and reminded me of living in the family of origin (FOO) when people were not agreeing, my best lesson this time, it was not for me to fix. I just needed to figure out how to get back to my serenity and let go and let God with people I love and appreciate and know they have something my FOO do no have and that is al-anon, so they have the tools to work through it and be accountable on their own without me. I have work to do on MYOB and QTIP still also. So anytime I am learning and growing I am appreciative! Sending you all love and support on your journey's.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Debilyn wrote:

To have personal things out in public is not appropriate. It would cause gossip, people not agreeing and take our focus of what is the most important, working our program.
Betty is very wise, simply put principles before personalities!
If someone feels there is a problem, please go to a mod, let us know. That is part of your wonderful service! That does make us a group. Then the problem can be delt with, with no hard feelings. That is what has John, give us the humble service to be a mod!
No one wants to be uncomfortable in a forum worried they are going to be scrutinized by another member.

Hey Deb...You and Betty did a great job handling this so fast and it was all friendly and loving.....Again, I am glad you two are here and I would not hesitate to go to a mod and voice my concerns b/c I think both of you are fair and wanting to do what is the right thing..........thanks to both of you

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Breakingfree wrote:
so they have the tools to work through it and be accountable on their own without me. I have work to do on MYOB and QTIP still also. So anytime I am learning and growing I am appreciative! Sending you all love and support on your journey's.

Hey Breaking, I saw a lesson in me, too, and that was, yea, I was uncomfortable, but perfectly "ok" in like you said "MYOB" and "QTIP"....i noticed that I was ok, just working my program , I made a comment or two on the thread, but was not attached to it..like i gave my esh and then was ok w/letting it go....not my business...I don't even want to know what happened and that is BIG for me....Not waning to meddle in others business.....so yea, lesson time for me too.....I am grateful for that lesson....I got a little "triggered" in the beginning, b/c of the FOO, whom I have mostly cut off contact with, but I worked my program and was able to say "hey its not anything to do w/me, and its all gonna be good" and I was able to detach.....yep..programme works in i work it

oldergal · Senior Member

Considering all the thousands of people from the states and other countries and cultures I would say this is a really peaceful board. There use to be someone on here who told risky sexy jokes. But he's gone now probably because he realized he wasnt amusing anyone. There is a certain tone on this board and it is serious-minded, compassionate and fun loving....Thank You moderators..... keep it like it is, don't make it complicated. "Keep it Simple".......og

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
Last night there was a posting that was disturbing to me. I watched the responses and I saw the powerful unfolding of the al anon program in action.

Paula I was seeing the same thing unfolding. There was a big Step 10 opportunity... but that was wrecked when the discussion was stopped.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

David, you got it. I was watching for the entire 12 steps to emerge...when we don't interfere in HP's plan, let ourselves be uncomfortable, we grow individually and collectively. And I know HP will slide in another way another time if that is the plan.

Step 10 is the current step on the step board....

-- Edited by PP on Friday 17th of January 2014 01:21:00 AM

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi pp, ive been working hard and so did not see what happened but I was a bit shocked to see the anannouncement about a deleted thread, I think there must bema better way. A group consciousness meeting might be a good idea, in the chatnroom or something like that. There was a post recently that I was raging about and it got messy but I believe its all growth and there is worth in all of it, maybe we should be free to be human, good and bad, let things unfold, show the growth, no sweeping under the rug, thats what were here to recover from. Glad you raised this pp.x

Beatrice · Senior Member

I think it is a great idea....

I myself do not believe in censorship of any kind. I think private messages is a much better way to go. I didn't read the post , but read the moderators.

Bettina

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

el-cee wrote:
Hi pp, ive been working hard and so did not see what happened but I was a bit shocked to see the anannouncement about a deleted thread, I think there must bema better way. A group consciousness meeting might be a good idea, in the chatnroom or something like that. There was a post recently that I was raging about and it got messy but I believe its all growth and there is worth in all of it, maybe we should be free to be human, good and bad, let things unfold, show the growth, no sweeping under the rug, thats what were here to recover from. Glad you raised this pp.x

oh el-cee I remember that and I am all for "working stuff out" however lines have to be drawn about it getting ugly, i remember you handled that in a way i admire and hope to do as well....I remember that incident well and i was impressed w/your working your alanon the way it should have been worked...and there was growth for me, anyway, reading that post....and I, too, am for being up front about disagreements/ issues as long as we don't get ugly about it...and i think working stuff out is healthy...I know one time i was having a terrible time waay back on this old site with my painful memories...I mean i was really struggling, working something out and someone came in and bashed me big time...on my thread...I tried to keep the focus on me and tried to tell the other that "what others think is none of my business" and i also brought up that this was MY share and he had the right to take what he can use and leave the rest....I really , with a lot of difficulty, kept my cool, but he would not stop....mods stepped in and tossed the thead and they kicked him b/c he was soo soo ugly and just malicious to me......extreme example, yes, but still, I want to feel safe.....working stuff out, civil is fine....no worries...growth can occur....I guess i just remembered how my thread went and how this guy jumped in on me, minimizing and attacking and bashing me for "not just pulling myself up by the bootstraps and getting over it" had it not been for the mods, I would have quit and dunno what I would have done re: my recovery....that one incident made me feel like I was "back with my FOO" and being victimized......so there should be balance....and most of all keep it civil...keep the focus on me..my thoughts...my share...my feelings which i honestly did a good job on in this incident and i think mods were gonna let the program unfold and they observed the exchange, but my adversary was not going to get off me and i did hollar "HELP...I can't get him off me"...LOL...I really did and they removed the thread and HIM......oh it was an experience....I don't proclaim to know the answers.....working stuff out....keeping it open and honest, yea, for sure....but we need to do it working our program is what i am saying, I guess.........i just got up...too tired to think,LOL

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

It's "okay" now. I got what I needed from the thread and was in full understanding of why it was closed. It was open long enough for me to get calmed down and to suit the purpose it needed. Sadly, there's a ruined friendship there but I had my part in that I suppose. It's fine to carry on and be a helping community with both of us in it I think.

It got me upset obviously because it was with a person I cared about. Over days, I might see my part in things more clearly. That's usually the way it works for me. The post on here and the feedback stopped me from making a rash decision about MIP and for that I'm grateful.

We all have baggage - I have mine. I am often oversensitive, yet come off with strong opinions. Alanon has helped me very much to take a person as a whole and to try and respond to them accordingly. For me, I can handle constructive feedback, but if it becomes a perceived attack on how wrong I am - It trips of traumatic memories of being "wrong" to the core for being gay, being a screw up black sheep child...not to mention memories of my alcoholic ex telling me how wrong I was all the time and then debasing me if I didn't agree (something I think other's can identify with)..I'm not "Mr. Tell it like it is." I come here for my own sickness too.

I guess we should all tread lightly and with love for each other. I'll try harder. I definitely could have done this in this instance I was ill freely admit I got ugly.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Friday 17th of January 2014 08:58:59 AM

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

You are human Pinkchip as are the rest of us. I have had these situations with other people who have triggered me and it is helpful to be able to go through the motions to heal through it and sometimes I feel if you are not allowed to go through the motions it stunts working it out. We are all adults here and have our al-anon programs, so I know we will be okay.

I too just thought some step work would be done and it would be growth opportunity, but I also understand protecting people who don't understand yet how the program works and it could be too much and we have to think of them. I love everyone in our MIP family and only want the best for all of us moving towards growth, it can be hard with so many personalities, egos and problems, but we do very good at loving people through it and know we will continue to do so. I know this too shall pass and our loving and supportive board will return to normal and we can go back to helping people who come in and find us to the best of our abilities. I know that we all have something to contribute that is worthy, helpful and needed for the variety of people that come here. Our moderators do a great job at keeping the drama to a minimum and I appreciate and love all their hard work and support as well! Sending you all love and support!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks, PC. I do want to add that what you have endured as a gay male in our culture, I can't possibly understand on an experiential level but my compassion and admiration of you I can feel. Frankly, it hurts me that you and so many others have been treated so poorly. It took courage for you to stand up then. It took courage for you to stand up now!

My appreciation of you and all that you have offered to those of us who come to this board free of charge is self-giving and it has probably been sacrificial at times for you as well. You are an A1 guy in my book, Mark. Thank you for being you.

My support of Paula's suggestion comes more from seeing a possible need for a group conscience meeting of the MIP message board family when issues do arise that affects our membership as a whole than it has to do with member to member conflict (unless that affects us all in some way).

For me, it is about wanting to have an outlet in pm or chatroom fashion of interested MIP Al-Anon board participants when various issues arise (same as Al-Anon f2f meetings and family groups) if that isn't already happening?

I understand the role of moderators on the board and I appreciate their function. I'm uncomfortable with having no known outlet to weigh in on issues that do affect us individually and as members of the group together. I'm uncomfortable with program application being modeled by members and all of it gets swept off the board, too, although I also understand that we don't want a steady diet of interpersonal conflict on the open board especially with people brand new to MIP or lacking experience with Al-Anon meetings, functions, etc.

Paula's suggestion offers an alternative that might meet the needs of MIP participant group conscience/consensus on issues while at the same time maintaining a safe and loving environment for newcomers and those who do not want to participate in pm meetings for MIP board family members.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 17th of January 2014 09:39:45 AM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

(((PC))) Grace and class, thank you.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear MIP Family,

First of all I would like to thank Mark for his clarity, humility and class. We are all human and get triggered easily. I also would like to thank each and every MIP member who responded to the controversial post. Each one remained within program guidelines and offered support without judgment, criticism or blame. How great is that

We did not shut down the post immediately. We allowed free expression and sharing on the topic and I believe that shows we no longer believe in pretending and the denial of reality. After a while it was appropriate to remove the post so that new members joining the group might not feel overwhelmed by the controversy.

Both Mark and Jerry or valued members of our community and I am happy to see that they are both responding to posts once again.

As I have heard recently : I will remain" Scandinavia" on the issue of a committee to resolve issues.

I know we have we can move through this and grow as a family as a result.

Thank you all once again for your wisdom and class.

-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 17th of January 2014 10:47:41 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you, too, Betty. You - like the rest of our MIP family - to me - are vital to our growth and to our maturity in the Al-Anon way.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I just remembered!! This issue can be brought up in the business meeting!!! I would be shocked if John changed anything as this has worked so well for so many years.

I know how people are, can just see it changing the dynamics of our board. A lot would be negative, some may be postive. Myself I appreciate it just how it is.

You know too, some people, I used to, get very hurt by conflict on a board. They cannot sleep, or eat they are so sensitive! We have a process set up here, like any big group there are rules and steps on how things are done.

Feel welcome to go to the Business meeting, it would be put under new business. thanks all, debilyn

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey Everyone --

I haven't been on much lately, so now I am insanely curious what went down. JEEZUM. Another issue I need to work on.

Be that as it may, I am a firm believer in discomfort. Positive energy as we work the program -- well that's great. But I find that the times I get triggered, upset, and feel uncomfortable, are the richest opportunities for growth. Often it takes me a while to process these situations...so I may stay ticked off for a bit...but this forum is great for gently asking people questions...and helping to challenge firmly held biases or beliefs.

It is a fine line to walk when there is controversy...we want people to feel safe, but some controversy, in my opinion, signals a healthy community. If we were all Alanon drones...it would be a cult, with no room for diverse ways of seeing the world.

I appreciate all of you, even those of you with really STOOPID ideas. biggrin (kidding!)

All best,

RP

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

How about a little kum by yah

Love you guys, sitting by the camp fire, roasting marshmallows, singing songs and laughing with happiness.

((( hugs )))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Haha rehprof, if I did not have an al-anon program I would be insanely indignant right now, instead I am laughing hard actually that you would even kid like that! I do feel like this is a safe and healthy community. I have learned so much here and been stretched beyond my comfort zones into a new found open person that I love. I do love me now and have grown up here a lot in the last 3 years. Thank you all for this thread and your vulnerabilities shared in order for us to all learn and grow together and individually. Sending you all love and support!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Can we all go to your house, Miss Cathy of the once afghan wrapped head? I'll bring the chocolate - on ice - if we go there this winter. : ^ ) I'm laughing already (remembering your picture) and we haven't even made plans yet to come there.

RP & BF: I appreciate your honest and vulnerable responses to Paula's suggestion, too. Honest, vulnerable and open minds! Who could ask for more - other than sitting around the campfire at Cathy's.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 17th of January 2014 07:49:18 PM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Peanut Butter Cups!!!

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

I take issue if someone's anonymity is broken here. I really don't need to know the identity of who someone is having a disagreement with at this site unless the other person has openly agreed to let their name be posted as part of a discussion to resolve the issue between themself and the other person. If not, it's gossiping about that person. Gossip calls to mind that saying in the rooms of Alanon and here too "I don't have to show up for every fight I'm invited to." With that said, the other person ... practicing JADE not justifying, arguing, defending or explaining onesself to a whole forum concerning an argument involving onesself and another person just might be practice of good detachment, placing principles above personalities and a great way to keep one's own serenity. I like that Alanon welcomes us to be gentle with ourselves and others.

Thanks to the moderators of this site for your service to to keep this a safe place to keep coming back to learn and grown in recovery and to everyone who comes to share.

TT

"Unity is the hallmark of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities."

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Friday 17th of January 2014 08:04:24 PM

-- Edited by tiredtonite on Saturday 18th of January 2014 10:04:32 AM

John · ~*Service Worker*~

Wow... how much energy are we to give to an issue that transpired between two individuals, and when did we start letting our board become a place to take PUBLIC survey's to address our PERSONAL disputes?

Our board moderators handled this situation exactly as it should have been handled, and yes that also includes deleting the thread. Which I personally believe I would have done much quicker. This is not shaming someone, this is keep our board Al-Anon focused, and keeping it in line with what is read in every meeting....

Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another.

Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.

Talk to each other = In private, avoid public disputes and public displays of any animosity towards one another.

Reason things out with someone else = Your sponsor or another individual member in whose judgment you trust.

Let there be no gossip or criticism of one another = Keep the focus on yourself, your role, your part and your solution. "He said"...., she said... they said..." qualifies as gossip and criticism. It does not belong here. Speak of yourself, of your words, thoughts or actions, not another group members words, thoughts or actions.

Our moderators are here to try to help resolve any conflict that might arise between an individual and another member. To keep the board a safe environment for both parties and its members. To keep unity and defuse that which risk creating division. This takes place in the background (via PM's) almost on a daily basis to one degree or another. No member would gain permission from a moderator to post a public survey about a personal issue between them and another member on this board! And I venture to say that this was already known, thus why it wasn't inquired about with a moderator beforehand.

When I was first messaged about this situation by a well respected moderator, and came to the board to see what all the fuss was about, the post had already been deleted by another moderator. I, as the site administrator went to the admin panel, where I opened and read the deleted post. While I was truly amazed at the out pouring of love and support I read in response to it, I felt a bit disturbed that it was even posted by the initiator to start with. It did not belong on our board, in the manner it was presented, as a vote for kudo's or a public survey. I also read the post that this all initiated from, and the replies to it. Here is my assessment of it all. Poor judgement was used by both parties in regards to how they responded to each other. Not that they did, but how they did.

Where I found solid good judgement is how the group handled it as a whole, and that it was deleted instead of being allowed to continue to defocus us from the cries of newcomers all over this board.

As I said in the original post, "I have seen many people find both programs through the back door of another. AA's finding their way to Al-Anon and Al-Anon's finding their way to AA. Which ever door they walk into is most likely where they need to be at that moment in time, and as they heal, learn and grow... the other door will get opened to them. God don't leave anyone in the dark of the hallway between the two 12 step programs."

We don't need any new committee or board for anything... our moderators are doing a very good job here and not every issue that someone else has with an individual needs to be placed before a group of members. While there may be and are decisions related to the group that needs to be addressed by the group, personal disputes between individual members is not one of them. They need to be resolved between the individuals and if assistance is needed to bring about some closure to the issue at hand, that is what our moderators are here for. And in relation to this situation I believe in my heart of hearts they handled it beautifully.

John

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank-you John... as a long time member of MIP, I was reading this thread with a certain amount of discomfort. Your response is 100% on the mark on this issue.

Regards

Tom

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"