Newcomer feeling extremely alone. - Al-Anon Family Group

MissTee_xo · Newbie

Newcomer feeling extremely alone.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP -- Miss Tee

you are not alone I am in a hurry and cannot share as I would like. Please search out alanon face to face meetings in your community and attend.

Alanon is a fellowship of members who have lived with the disease of alcoholism and understand as few others can. It is at alanon meetings that you will be heard, understood and supported until you develop the tools to help yourself.

Keep coming back

-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 14th of January 2014 12:24:11 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Jayc...stick with us. Your MIP family knows what you've gone thru and are going thru now. We've been there and know the territory. We also revist those emotional and mental places again from time to time. Betty's suggestion of Al-Anon face to face meetings in your community is what has also worked for her and for me and for lots of others here. Keep coming back. (((((hugs))))) smile

MissTee_xo · Newbie

I will, i am going to try anything and everything because i can't do it on my own

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

MissTee:

Welcome and you are in the right place. You are not alone; wonderful support and understanding here and at online and face to face meetings.

Everything you are feeling we have felt or are feeling too. Keep coming back

((((misstee))))

YF

karma13 · Senior Member

Your share reminds me of my past, I just want to say you are in the right place, a safe place where you can share. This is where you come to recover from the family disease of alcoholism :) and there is a lot of hope here online and especially at the face to face meetings, in the conference approved literature. Welcome to Mip alanon :) Big hugs and a Big Congratulations on your staying sober for five months :) Good for you

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Miss Tee: Yes, I do think alanon could help you but from what I am reading, it sounds like you are describing that empty void that comes when we put down the drink/drugs and don't have the emotional coping skills to deal with life on life's terms.

For that, I highly recommend AA. That is what I feel may work best for you as your primary program. Check out the AA board here as well. Like many alcoholic/addicts, you come from a family of other alcoholic/addicts and have some need for alanon and/or ACOA (adult children of alcholics) - BUT - To get basic skills to live life on life's terms after having been an active addict/alcoholic, I strongly feel AA is for you.

Obviously keep coming back here, but I feel strongly that you will find a home in AA and then alanon will be where you get more insight and skills to deal with your family insights into what it was like and what it means to come from an alcohol/drug filled childhood hoom.

So here is my suggestion: Go to an AA meeting and let that program work for you. You are not describing pure residue from growing up with alcoholic parents. You are describing sadness from being a dry alcoholic without a recovery program to give you coping skills....Hence, the solution (I would suggest) is AA.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

All great responses to your plea for help. There is hope, peace, happiness and serenity through the 12 steps in AA and Al Anon. You are at Step 1 of the 12 steps, a place of powerlessness and surrender. Welcome.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

MissTee_xo wrote:
.
I have become almost a control freak in my life and if things don't go to plan, I absolutely freak out. Has anyone else suffered mental health issues due to parents and alcohol consumption? Right now, I have never felt so alone, nobody I know really understands just how ****up my life became (excuse my language) and how hard I try to pick up the pieces and salvage it all, even though I don't have a clue what I'm doing! I'm just fed up of feeling depressed and helpless with nobody to talk to about the dark s***. The medication doesn't stop the pain does it? Any advice of you guys would be amazing, or just someone friendly to talk to that can relate.
Jayc.

-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 14th of January 2014 11:20:27 AM

Hey Jayc....I grew up with it and the monstrous affects of it.....YES...I had severe mental issues from being abused by her, the drink...him the sex offender on youngsters........don't know how else to put it but straight up.....anyway, i too, drank to numb my pain, self medicating to escape the horrendous hole in my soul, the darkness enveloped me like a black shroud.....oh i can relate to you and the need to control is b/c my life was so OUT of control and the helplessness i really experienced as a child carries through to my todays if i am not in control....i get scared...then rage....b/c my memories go back to the days in the torture chamber (that house) where being helpless meant surrendering to her beatings and insults and his assaults where a father should nver assault his daughter and HIS putdowns.....being helpless and powerless meant the same things to me.....it meant i was SCREWED....

now, after 12 years going on in alanon, coda, aca, i DO have something to say about my life and I don't panic and freak out when I am not in control b/c it does not mean a visit to my bedroom or a baseball bat aimed at my head or being locked in a dog crate when i was little....NOW i DO have something to say about my life...who is in it.....what I will accept/not accept and I have a voice now, and i have choice now. , so being powerless sucks, but i can turn it over and tell creator "Do what you gotta do" and i don't fight the karma anymore b/c life is going to have its way anyway, so i can release me from it and it works out somehow....

it took meetings, steps work, sponsor work, literature and meditating on it, slogans practice, it took a huge amount of effort in recovery but i am worth it and the benefits are worth it.....I am healing...waaay more healthy.........i am in this for life b/c codependency which i see in your post, you have to be coda to have been in that environment and its a disease, "co-addict" as they say, but we must work our program for life, otherwise old patterns can come back and we can relapse.....no worries, once you get a few years under your belt, the work is not so intense, mostly maintenance and practice...

like playing the piano....once you learn the steps and slogans, you practice practice and practice, but you CAN have a life, too...honest....I joined up w/a gym and i can SEE the difference in the way i interact w/others......i am kinda reserved in nature, but i can be friendly albeit keep my distance until they show me they are safe adn then still be careful about how much i will trust, but anyway, i can get along and "play well" with other people now...I can smell the jerks and avoid them b4 any interaction happens...i see the red flags in people and i run.....i can get on well with folks who respect me and my boundaries as i am willing to do w/them, and yea, my whole relationship thing is so much healthier...

I hope this post made sense...I just got off work...worked out at gym....i am thrashed....headed for bath and bed really soon...

Please give alanon a chance....and CONGRATS on being clean.....i was lucky , I didn't get hooked on the crap....MY addiction is organic mllk chocolate....can't have it in the house or i will binge till i burst, nearly.....so yea, co-addict....needing programme and i accept it....

PEACE

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Miss, welcome welcome!! I believe it's when we realize we do feel so alone we decide to do something!

YES I relate to the feeling of control. Now it is not me, I was very close to my AH. We learned thru his recoverying, that he had tunnel vision, strict routines and honestly always on the same path. He had to keep his life like this becuz that was how he kept strong in his recovery. He needed things to be exactly the same, no chaos. If there was he was so afraid he would relapse, or make a wrong choice. He hated to be wrong, he hated to make mistakes.

Now here is me who is all hey I make mistakes all the time, so what I just need to learn. Or put the blame on me i don't care! I mean like when it is clearly not me but it is hurting someone so bad cuz they are to blame..I just don't care, life goes on.

I am not sure if this is hitting anything for you? My Ah had such low self esteem, when he was honestly such a cool guy! He was in an up and coming band way back, handsome, funny, beautiful voice, beautiful guitar player, yet he was soooo afraid of looking dumb he had to be perfect as he could be so he remained on a steadfast pathway.

He was a remodeler and I swear every place he remodeled was painted the same color!

I hope you can let yourself go here. We all understand and relate to each other in many ways. You can always pm us too.

I don't know what meds you are on but I encourage you to talk to your doc about it.

For me, one day at a time helped me. I did what I had to do, then no matter what, I walked, read books, raised a puppy or kitten or piglet... I did not allow my demons to take me over., Everyday I chose it to be an ok day. Inside my head I said, everything is ok. over and over.

Keeping things simple, I am frugal, I don't owe anyone anything now, I have a nice used pick up, no payments, i don't do drama or get into it at all. Never gossip.yes I am alone a lot. Happens almost all my family passed and most my friends. I have my animal family, I do have friends but not one I would let it all out to. I am very close to my HP. I have a few rescue animals that keep me busy.

If I feel scattered I keep a notebook of what I need to do that day. JUST that day. I rarely worry, if I do I drop the rock and give it to hp, usually after I made myself sick worrying...I can be a dipstick in that way....(c:

I watch funny things on netflix. I love The Farside.

If you have a counselor that is who you vent out your bad ickies in your life to. YOu can also share on here .We have many people who have been thru very very tough stuff! there is always someone who understands.

btw no we cannot do it on our own! Great for the months of your sobriety! If you want to talk about making your own personal recovery program, feel free to pm me or anyone else you might feel comfort with.

Being in recovery can mean many things. Its no wonder you are confused! It helps to have some kind of outline or a guide you make about the goals you would like to attain. My AH had one that every morn he told his HP today I choose not to drink. Today I choose to be moral in all I do. He even had to learn to ask others questions about themselves. A personal program of recovery is a great tool. I would not know what to do if I didn't have one. life is hard!

when things got or get too big for me, inside i say stop. and I say everything is ok. or stop, drop the rock of whatever hard stuff I am carrying.

if I have negative thoughts, I say stop, again I put in something positive. Miss I NEVER say bad things about myself in my head or ever. never. In fact i will say to someone, hey! don't talk to me like that!. Or hey I deserve respect! One guy was saying the f word. I did my usual HEY I am sitting here! I don't want to hear that, I will be getting my soap now to wash your mouth out! I say it in a funny way but it is clear, I respect myself and will not allow others to abuse me.

well welcome again, please keep coming. We all need you too, you know! love,debilyn

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

However my chaotic childhood has ruined me. I have become almost a control freak in my life and if things don't go to plan, I absolutely freak out. Has anyone else suffered mental health issues due to parents and alcohol consumption?

Lol // Welcome to Alanon !!! i laugh out loud only because when we hit the doors of alanon, we Finally find a place We belong .. (( together ))
Absolutely these are the common problems of alcohol ... So many of us have so been there .. I know I was !! .. still battle with control, only today i know i don't really have control, but somedays i can fall back into the illusion i do ..

Funny when you mention childhood being ruined .. I have been walking around with the secret fear of will my child be scarred emotionally for life from the effects of her dad leaving, using, being unavailable, shaming, criticising, and me being obsessive, controlling, angry .. the list goes on .. I was reminded today that for the First time in my life when i hit the doors of Alanon, I Began to Change .. i never knew it was possible to do that .. i'd always heard the expression of being set in ones ways so basically i thought i was doomed ..

there is always hope in alanon .. change is Always possible .. good news ? we're powerless over the effects of alcoholism .. we're also powerless over the effects of recovery ... the First gift we receive in alanon, is Hope .. eventually we start hearing our own stories .. the 2nd ? when members share honestly their experience, strength, and hope .. they give us the courage to be able to do the same ..

it's never too late in a 12 step room .. it's not a religious program, but it is spiritual .. which is probably why Nothing else i'd personally ever tried before alanon helped .. today .. many things help but i needed the spiritual foundation .. Good luck to you .. keep coming back =))

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Just to clarify - I am very grateful for all the shares that everyone here had to offer the original poster. I'm really colored by my perceptions when I hear someone state "I am an alcoholic" but don't state the utility of AA. I am blindsided by that. That is true. I hope to not diminish the effects of a traumatic childhood at the hands of alcoholics or also that alanon could have a healing role in that also.

I just know from my own experience that only AA could keep me sober....Alanon added skills from there. Thats just my ESH from what worked for me. I am only one person though. We typically respond on the AA board to family members stating they are not alcoholics that they might want to come to this board. Hearing this poster was actually an alcoholic, my instinct was to do the same in reverse. I meant no disrespect. I also know it's not uncommon for aolcholics to come from alcoholic families and I thought that, while the poster might really identify here, they would REALLY REALLY identify with other alcoholics coming from the same background as I know this is not an uncommon background for AA members having heard this in many AA speaker meeting stories. And also that was what the poster was crying out for it seemed. I thought I was giving a sound suggestion but I'm not always right. That was my reasoning at least.

Just wanted to explain that....But anyhow, it's not about me....

Miss Tee....I just hope this thread was helpful to you.

-- Edited by pinkchip on Wednesday 15th of January 2014 01:40:06 AM

John · ~*Service Worker*~

I believe I have seen many people find both programs through the back door of another. AA's finding their way to Al-Anon and Al-Anon's finding their way to AA. Which ever door they walk into is most likely where they need to be at that moment in time, and as they heal, learn and grow... the other door will get opened to them. God don't leave anyone in the dark of the hallway between the two 12 step programs. :)

MissTee_xo · Newbie

To all of you.

your posts have helped me endlessly. Mainly because it is nice to realise after so long that I am not alone, I can talk to people about how I feel, and how scared I am because of all of this, and because I am not alone in what seems a very lonely place.

We have all had different experiences due to the effects of alcohol, but we all share one thing in common, the want and need to change our lives for the better. Just thinking that makes me feel slightly more positive. What I do struggle with is difficult situations separate from my alcohol issues because I cannot change them and that makes me anxious, due to my mental health illness, anxiety is a big part of my life and in a way alcohol kind of masked that part of me, so without alcohol I feel somewhat vulnerable. I guess I just have to take my time and learn to deal with life without my drunken mask. Do you guys have any good ways of dealing with life without the bottle?

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, MissTee: Thank you for your honesty and your trust. As you have experienced, you are not alone. To answer your question about good ways to deal with life without the bottle, as Pinkchip suggested earlier, is the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program where others have struggled and are still working on doing exactly that. What a good question. What an honest soul you are. Much encouragement to you as you decide with the help of your Higher Power what your next steps will be. You don't have to be lonely anymore. People in AA can understand, too, what you are going through because they are and have been struggling with the same things. We have an AA board here, too, if you want to skip in there and talk to some folks in that program? You'll have to log in just like you did here, but maybe you can talk with them, too?

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 17th of January 2014 07:00:27 AM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

You have the best of both programs....a gift for sure.

Prayers you find your way with the help you need

You are not alone ((( hugs )))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.