You have my deepest sympathies. You are living one of my largest fears, and I can't imagine the turmoil it must be causing your heart. I can only tell you the grief comes in waves, and they will knock you down. You can only get back up and keep standing against them. Eventually, the waves will come less often. They'll never stop all together, and sometimes it will be years before one comes along unexpectedly. Just try and get back up. Find a rock to lean on, if you can. You are allowed to grieve, and it will take as long as it takes. Just keep getting back up.

I'm sorry that you lost your Mom to this disease. I have said goodbye to loved ones with it, too, although not my Mom. I don't have a lot of words of wisdom - grief has its own way of teaching us what we need to learn in its perfect way and in its perfect time. What I do have is a heart that feels compassion for you and for your family and a mind that knows, remembers and understands how painful it is to feel the powerlessness of saving a loved one from the consequences of a disease they didn't choose. Much encouragement to you as you remember what you did learn and receive from your Mom that can lift you up. May your close friends and family members see this time as a time to love each other gently and with understanding.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 13th of January 2014 06:12:29 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. So sad. I lost my mom almost 2 years ago and went to a grief counselor. He told me to write my mom a letter. I thought that was weird, but I did. I brought it to our session and he read it. That really helped me a lot. Take care.

Dear ((( Daughter )))

It would seem alcoholism takes much from us too .. close relationships with our parants, our kids, our friends at times, our job, our finances, our selves .. etc.. alcoholism is a disease that effects an Entire family system and each of us becomes sick and devastated .. Sometimes we even become sicker than the alcoholics because of the effects on us .. some of the effects are confusion, anger, irritation, fear, obsession, control, worry, criticism, blame, resentments, isolation, etc .. I did not lose my mother to the disease, but my mother was seriously effected through the years surrounded by others with a disease .. helps me remember when it's hard to keep going, alcoholism is not just a 'drinking disease, it's a thinking disease ..

My mother did pass away, however, from age and dymentia .. heartbreaking but in my own circumstances, my mother and i had healing beforehand .. I found my way to alanon and the healing and changes were just a natural effect of my getting recovery and gaining a better understanding of the disease .. it took a long time to see it for what it is .. nothing happens just like that ..

With my mother gone, I have come to realise there was a greater good that can come out of every bad .. I remember for years wanting my own mother to just be pulled out of her own dysfunction so there could be more joy in my own home .. what i see years later is through the pain, i was lead to and found a beautiful recovery that is now passing on to several others .. the greater good ? i can't judge a thing .. if things had gone the way i had wanted them to, the others wouldn't be receiving what they are today .. i realised my mother's life held a deeper meaning and a greater purpose .. greater than her own ..

i am so sorry you are going through this .. it took me many years to become greatful for having been effected by alcoholics and isms .. but today i can say i am .. it didn't happen just like that .. if you are willing and able, going to alanon can help you greatly ..

if you need want to just talk to anyone, there is a message button where you can message others one on one .. you just click on their name and it should give an option .. always available as many are in these rooms ..

take care (((( Wishing you Much serenity )))) and Anger is a part of the processing of grief .. hang in there .. good you're here !!

-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Monday 13th of January 2014 07:00:12 PM

 

 

Dear Daughter ,

I am saddened to read about the loss of your mother and understand all too well the pain and sorrow of which you speak. I lost my only son too this dreadful disease six years ago. I so understand the detoxs and  rehab and bitter disappointment of which you speak.  It is a difficult journey and I am sorry for your pain. 

I would like like to suggest that you look for Al-Anon meetings in your community and attend. It is here that I learned to share my grief, sadness and loss and received the understanding and compassion that I needed.  Al-Anon is a fellowship of equals and it is here that you will find the understanding that you need. 

I also joined a grief group online that was very helpful.

Please except my condolences and know you and your  family are  in my prayers

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 13th of January 2014 07:22:28 PM

Daughter:

so sorry to hear of your loss.  my thoughts and prayers w you and your family.

YF

I am sorry for your loss.

Her story sounds very similar to that of my father's. He's lost his relationships, lives on disability, 2 dui's, 2 rehabs, bankruptcy..me and you are the same age to (I am 29)...He's still alive, but I pray for him.

 Sorry Daughter... it is sometimes double-whammy, because we have already lost our loved ones to the illness... in some ways death gave me some closure... and there was nothing wrong with this feeling... but all in all it is gut-wrenching.

DavidG.

I am so very sorry for your loss and pain. Sometimes there just are no words and no way to make sense of something so senseless. My heart goes out to you and your family that you can find some peace knowing that your mother is finally at rest with her HP.

Think of yourself as an open wound, treat yourself very, very kindly and carefully. Naps helped me. friends being around me was the best. If I felt a warm breeze or love  I would say Hi Mother!

Let go of the things that were bad, I tell myself it was the disease not my mother. for me it was my husband.

there is nothing wrong with only remembering good things!

I was blessed to have a Mother we all deserve, it makes no difference, we all lose a huge piece of ourselves when they pass.

so many hugz and love to you and yours, debilyn

((((Daughter))))

First Let me Say i Am So Very Sorry for your Loss, but you have come to the Right Place for Sure! This Place is where MY Healing Began, Just 5 short years ago!

I have Been Where you are! Only for Me it was My Afather... All the Things you speak of, He Lost as well... He did have his own place, but only because he use to mow grass for a man, and when the man died, he willed his mobile home to my Dad cause he had no other family! Or he wouldn't have had that! And been on the street as well...

For Me, I Found MIP Prob within a Month of My Dads' passing, I was Pissed at him for Not Fighting Harder, he was Only 58... He Past on Thankgiving so that made me Mad too... When I Finally got the Courage to go to my First F2F Meeting it was Jan. 2nd 2009... My SIL told me about local meetings and I didn't even know they existed in our Small town, and was lucky enough we had (3) So I Could Choose... I Currently go to 2 of the 3 weekly... For my Own Sanity!

For Me, It was Realizing that I didn't Cause it, Couldn't Cure it, And Def Couldn't Control it! But What I Could do! Was Take Care of Myself... I Could Let go of the Anger I Felt For him, Slowly, due to the Love & Support HERE & From My F2F Meetings, the 1st 6 meetings I went to All I Did was Cry, and everytime, at the end, Someone or Many someones... Would Come Up, Wrap thier Arms around me, and let me cry somemore! and Just Softly say... "Keep Coming Back, Where Glad your Here!"

I believe I will always Feel the Loss of My Father Strongly, and I miss All the Wonderful Quality's that he did have before his Disease Took Over, but I Also couldn't blame it all on him! He was Raised by (2) Alcoholic parents, and his Mom did Everything in the World for Him, So He didn't have much Growth in the "Real World" Department... She was his Enabler to a T... She Lives Everyday Now In Regret of those choices, and she is 89! And Alcoholic, and I Now Help take care of her!

Im Grateful I Found this Program, Cause even with him being Gone, I'm still Surrounded by Alcoholics & Addicts of All shapes & sizes in my Family! Me Included, BUT By the Grace of God & This Program, I Myself am now 3+ yrs Sober, and Working as Hard as I Can, to do what is best for my Family... Instead of What I was Raised to believe was Right, By my Alcoholics...

You Have Come to a Place of Healing, Just by Being Here! Surrounded by So Many In Recovery! If You Really Want to Heal, Don't Give up on yourself! It is Worth it For Your Family, to work thru ALL the Feelings, Whether Good or Bad! because that is what Keeps us & Helps us Grow!

Im Sending Prayers for YOU & Your Family, I too had to take care of ALL my Afathers Arrangements, not because I was an Only Child, because He had (5) kids we know of, and Others we don't! But I was the ONLY one Still Speaking to him when he Past! They All Gave up on Him LONG Ago...So it became My Responsibility... But I Also Found Healing in that! I Gave him More then he would have Ask for! And i Made his Send off very Special... And Knowing I Did All that I Could do for him in the End! all the way down to setting his Stone! Is All Apart of the Baby steps I took in Healing! None of it was Easy, but when I look Back! I know he would be Proud, and I too know, that Now... He is Whole Again! He Can Finally Live the Life in Heaven, He so wanted to Live here!

Please Take what you like & Leave the Rest! KEEP COMING BACK...

Lifting you in Prayers
Friends in Recovery... ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Jozie