The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So afraid to go to the first meeting, don't even know where. Afraid that people I know may be there, afraid to be a part of it, afraid to put my face... I don't know what needs to happened for me to attend it..
Just walk in the door and the meeting will start with the serenity prayer, usually they will talk about any business, we read from the courage to change books, etc., they pick a topic and whoever would like to share can. At my F2F meeting they always ask is there anybody new? If so they hand you a pamphlet full of information along with phone numbers to call in you need to. You just say your first name and that is how it is. I was terrified to go but knew I had to. Probably my first 6 months I cried a lot at the meetings, but now I am very comfortable. We go there for answers, help, support. No one can hurt you in those rooms. They can give you love and support. Keep us posted.
Doing something new for the first time usually is difficult and scarey however be scared and go anyway...the fear and the members will not kill you...in fact you can tell them up front you're fearful and they will understand...then sit with ann open mind and listen to what they talk about and how. We will support you thru it. My first meeting I just sat and listened cause I didn't know what to expect or what the group was about...best I could do was listen. Have a good time. ((((hugs))))
You do not need to say anything just listen and absorb. I still don't speak unless
I really have to and i have been going for a year. There is a lot to learn and you
Do not talk about your "a" other than maybe they are your qualifier. It is very
Confusing at first its all about you not them. No cross talk, meaning commenting
On some ones share. There seems to be a lot of rules so it takes awhile to feel
Confident and understand the protocols. Buy the three little readers if you can
They help you understand the concepts and are nice to read daily.
It is difficult to do something for the first time; that first meeting you can go to, listen and not say a word if you are not comfortable doing so. I have posted here a few times that the first two meetings I went to, when I tried to speak, all I could do was cry! Guess what the other people at the meeting did? Gave support, encouragement and tissues! Everything you are feeling someone sitting in that meeting has felt or is feeling to. Going to the f2f meetings is so so helpful. PLease let us know how it goes.
It took me a full year of planning to go before I finally made it through the door of a meeting. When I walked through the door, someone asked me if I needed a hug. I burst into tears! Then I just sat and listened. A year and a half later, I go to 2 meetings regularly each week. My alanon friends are my lifeline, my life is more peaceful, I am more confident, life is so much better for me and my a husband.
Hugs V, I got to alanon exactly on time. You will get there when you get there and you will be on time. I don't know if it would help you to investigate some speakers from alanon so you know you aren't alone? Alanon.org has a wealth of information and may help you ease into things. I found a bunch on itunes (podcasts free) they might have taken that link down still if you search for alanon speakers it may come up .. I'm still listening to about 50 that I have on my ipod. Keep coming back and YANA :) HUGS
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Going to a meeting for the first time can be scary and once we're there, we're glad we went. When we see somebody we know there, we realize that we're not alone. "Who you see here. What you hear here. Let it stay here." is spoken or noted on little cards on our tables. My experience has been since 1979 - that no one has ever revealed they saw me in a meeting. It is normal for us to not even acknowledge how we know each other if we meet by accident in public places and are with friends or family members. If we call each other, we don't reveal that we're from Al-Anon either. Anonymity is a big deal in Alanon. We practice humility by protecting each other's need and right to it.
I wasn't scared at all myself. I needed to be with others going though this more than being scared. You don't need to say a word....just sit and listen. People at these meetings understand completely what you might be feeling so give it a try and don't worry..
It works, if you work it and your worth is....you are not alone
(((( hugs ))))
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Sunday 12th of January 2014 01:03:12 PM
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Venera Living with the isolation of the disease of alcoholism, we were all nervous about attending our first alanon meeting. Remember breaking the isolation is very important to your sense of well being and health
.
Check out the time of the meetings, drive by and get to know the location and then when you feel comfortable walk in.
We are all there because we live with or have lived with the disease of alcoholism. We understand as few others can. You can sit in the back, talk share or be quiet There are few demands made on anyone
The best and hardest thing I have ever done for myself is to go to that first meeting. Thought about going for months, found the location and sat in the car instead of going in for two weeks in a row. Then finally, I did it. Walked in and found a group of people who really understood what I was going through. They did not judge, they let me sit and cry for the first few meetings without urging me to share, just handed me the kleenex box and they all said they had been there. Hon, if you do nothing else in your life for you, find the courage to go to a meeting. There you will find acceptance and understanding and the tools to bear a burden you do not deserve.
I completely understand your apprehension. I was so isolated and terrified to talk about the alcoholism at home that when I found the strength to attend my first meeting, I found an Al-Anon meeting for gay and lesbians (I am straight and thought I knew no gays or lesbians), I had just moved 4 time-zones away from anyone I knew. Talk about insane. Still - parking lot only for the first week. 2nd week I followed someone into the church, and sat down in a new mothers' group (not Al-Anon). I was too terrified to ask. Third week I followed a different person, and I landed home.
I sat and cried, not speaking, for the first few meetings. They were kind and welcoming. I got hugs.
I bless whatever force kept the broken, terrified me returning to that parking lot. I somehow knew I was at sea grasping a life preserver.
You too will find a home. Give it a month and a half before you decide whether to continue. Let us know how it goes for you. You'll find love - for yourself. You are so worth it.
The first meeting is the hardest , remember that every one there is there for same reason you are . they love an alcoholic . Anonymity is the basis of this program it is a safe place to share your feelings . Once settled in this program you never have to go thru anything alone again . unless of course you choose to . Listen when your there , you don't have to talk if you choose not to simply pass . Listen to the similarities not the differences and you will know that you are in the right place . oh and take everyone from this board with you .
I can't really get to meetings because of a lack of babysitting but i have to tell you my 'worst fear' was seeing someone i knew.. and it happened. and amazingly the floor did not open up and i didn't fall into an abyss!! :D it was weird but then it was awesome. and i always now feel i have this special bond with that person. we don't talk about it but we both feel it.
I still have not gone to the mtg, but glad reading that takes time and it was the same hard for the most! Thank you all for commenting. I will defiantly write about the first experience)
When I went to my first meeting I thought I heard my son's scoutmasters voice as I was walking. I backed out and went back to the car.
I thought for a few minutes an realized that if he was there, then he has alcohol struggles in his family, and so do I, therefore we are there draconian purpose.
I went back in. That wasn't the scoutlander there, but I gained insight from that experience that everyone in the meetings is struggling something. Believe me, we aren't perfect. And when we see someone come in for the first time upset due to alcoholism in their family, we stop and check in with them and make sure they know it's ok if they sit and talk for awhile or don't say a word.
I went about a dozen times in another state. I never felt welcome, but I don't do well in new situations. It seemed there were three groups: 1. The long time members who had their own clique 2. The newcomers who would attend once, maybe twice, or even three times before they vanished. 3. Me, who went about a dozen times, so I never fit into group #1 or group #2 after the first few times.
Hugs BG, I felt the exact same way. They say try 6 meetings .. I forced myself to go to 16 seriously .. that was how long it took for me to feel comfortable. It just got to the point that I wanted to heal so badly I put away my projections and grit my teeth. Finally a new person finally verbalized what you described and it was nice to say it out loud. I was beyond grateful. I don't consider myself part of the in crowd .. now I don't care. I go for me and I have deployed some good friendships and that's ok. It's enough. Hugs s :) keep coming back it gets better.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I have been going for 31 years... getting in the door is the hard part... if you do go let us know how it worked out... I would be interested...
DavidG.
