The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
Over the years, growing up in an alcoholic home, I had a propensity to compare my life to others. Facebook played a big role in that. The other day I was one and saw a bunch of happy status' and pictures of vacations and couples and cars and what not, and I began to feel sorry for myself.
I read an article that one of the things that this platform brings is that it only shows you the good stuff, as people rarely post about the negative side of their lives and gives one the impression that everyone they know is living happy, trouble-free lives.
Well, I decided that I've had enough of torturing myself. I am currently on day 2 of the 'no facebook experiment'. I will see how long I can go without logging-in. Unless I receive a message, which my e-mail will trigger.
I won't delete my profile as I have family on there and I find that usually tends to send a wrong message. People usually get concerned when that happens and there's no reason for concern.
I can honnestly say that after 24 hours I am already feeling better about myself. I am more at peace and not beating myself up over perceptions. I am including the people in my life that matter.
I have been using this forum instead of FB lately, for much the same reason. Even though I don't know anyone physically, in some ways I know a number of people better than most of my FB friends becaus it all hangs out in here.
I think it's been good for me, it has raised my awareness of myself greatly.
And I do like to see people's vacation pix, so I still get on FB. but I know it's not completely real.
Hi Jim!
I did this experiment for a month. It was so good I went like 4 months. It really allowed me to spend more time in the present moment, focusing on appreciating the moment and being grateful.
Then I found out I missed hearing about a past coworker's engagement because I wasn't on Facebook (she was waiting for 10 years for her bf to propose!). And that made me sort of sad. So I went back. And I already regret it. I check that thing way way too much. It's a ridiculous compulsion. I find myself wishing I didn't have a smartphone anymore. I miss the old days before internet when I would spend hours writing and reading and reflecting and journaling. Now life seems to be a series of distractions.
Anyhow, I wish you well on your no FB endeavor and I think you will find that it is very peaceful without it.
:)
In my experience the more wonderful and happy it looks the more they are actually hiding. I know a woman who is an alcoholic and there are regular periods of drama in her life but you should see her facebook pictures, wow, her house is immaculate, her children look like little dolls, every photo is carefully planned with everyone immaculate, its very strange and then when you know whats been going on you realise that her facebook is certainly an expression of her dis-ease.
I too had a lot of issued with FB. I had my facebook account deleted for more than a year. I just recently opened a new account. I made sure I only added true friends and family. I have blocked many people esp those who only criticize or put me down. I only have about 30 fb friends but thats enough for me. I sometimes forget to check it tho....lol
I love FB. Have my family and people I personally know on their and can find out what their doing without calling. It's great. I also play some of the games while I'm watching TV.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
it does not give me weight issues, and I don't have the clean my teeth afterwards
I am into a facebook forum for my home town. it covers a big school reunion due in 2015.
My brothers are estranged from me, but they are on this forum. They seem to overplay their postings... in the past I was a bit of a whistle-blower and maybe they are afraid I might let the cat out of the bag- about our family stuff...
not likely... hey are posting up lots of old photos and stuff... and talking about family memories, really... face to face we would have not gotten to this point...not for another 50 or 60 years, anyway... it doesn't change the basics... I wasn't invited to my brother's 60th. Nothing can change that!
I like facebook, gives you the chance to meet many people all around the world and reconnect to family. You don't have to let others affect what they post. I call them the Disneyland people, let them post what their life is about, I know people that go to Disneyland 2 and 3 times a week. Whatever floats your boat.
We can use facebook, like we use Alanon online, Its a forum where you can spread your philosophy of life. I do not believe in war and try to spread peace. I would say its a powerful tool.
I don't have a fb account. Partly because I don't want to post things on the internet in that fashion. Partly because I'd rather spend time face to face with people and read them - not what they're posting. I do like MIP, but it is the only social media I want to use. I notice that even with MIP, some of us want to live closer to each other and spend more real time with each other. I don't think on-line anything can take the place of person to person contact although it can be a supplement. I think its a good thing, SJ, that you've stopped fb for now. It may lead to other things you'd rather do with people you want to spend time with now?
I know just what you mean. I love it for staying in touch with family and friends and I don't feel alone even when I'm alone unless I want to be BUT I do have to remind myself that is people's public life. Just like a celebrity talking about their great marriage and a week later, they are splitting up. I am trying to curb the addictive quality a bit though and do not pull it out anymore when I need to be in the moment with the people that are with me physically.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
I have never ever had a FB account and I'm sure I have missed tons of stuff, especially about my kids' lives, but I trust them to talk to me about the important things. I have seen my daughter's impossibly perfect photos of her and the whole blonde bikini gang on vacation. They all look the same, like little clones of each other on the beach. Spring break, Summer, Fall, Thanksgiving...all these blonde toothpaste ad girls. It's overwhelming. I started to think my youth was a complete loser waste of time, just from looking at all her "Aren't we successful, popular and pretty?" photos. I mean, I'm happy she's young and having fun, but the self-importance of it all makes me very uncomfortable.
-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Saturday 11th of January 2014 07:08:10 PM
I used to go to Disneyland 3 or 4 times a week when I was younger, I grew up within 30 minutes of there and we would get season passes to a different park each year, yeah it was the best part of growing up in Southern Cali.
I too used to focus on all the happy families on fb, but I prefer they don't post all their life and family drama all over, it bothers me worse when they air their garbage all over everyone and leaves me feeling like I should block them.
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Hi slogan jim :)) I love all your post . I am a huge Facebook person but I change the way I use it now . I don't use it to see what ppl have or how they got a new car for Xmas . I sure hope it came with a full tank of gas . I use my Facebook sight all for self help groups that have 12 steps or counclers that can help and I can say I have faithful friends now because we all are sick weather it's eating disorder or lonlyness or just a group for woman to rant and chant , it's so great to know I fit in and no one know me and don't judge me . We all are welcome every day with hi rose or wisdom hope you have a great day and you know I get so much happiness just to know I'm achknolegde in that way then some one hiding there profile saying crap it's rose again lol . So that's my story on how I changed the way I use Facebook thanks for letting me share
I used to go to Disneyland 3 or 4 times a week when I was younger, I grew up within 30 minutes of there and we would get season passes to a different park each year, yeah it was the best part of growing up in Southern Cali.
I too used to focus on all the happy families on fb, but I prefer they don't post all their life and family drama all over, it bothers me worse when they air their garbage all over everyone and leaves me feeling like I should block them.
hahaha I guess.
I went to Disneyworld in Orlando once as a kid, but living in Canada that's considered a whole huge trip. I never really saw disney parks as places a person would go a few times a week as the novelty would just wear off.
No it never wears off the joy of meeting with friends and hanging out in the happiest place on earth, lol. it was a nice escape from my home life. I know the Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm inside and out and I am an adrenaline junkie, growing up with roller coasters all around it was a teenage haven for me and many of my friends. I had a job year round through high school just to get a season pass as soon as school let out each summer. One of my cousins works in Disneyland as a princess and dances in the shows and parade. It is one of the few things I miss about California and every few years when I go back to visit my family I take my girls and my 15 year old loves going back!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
It's been tempting but I feel much better about myself. I think the temptation lies in looking at what certain people are up to and hoping that it's something negative that has happened. Sort of, so I can finally say 'hah! losers!'....sick I know. I truly don't wish anything negative on anyone. It's just certain people that made me feel like crud in real life. Then I remember that it's facebook and that people don't post negative stuff! So I would just be back to square one.
I remember an alcoholic group of people I hung out with. Spent all their time at a bar. Huge under-achievers. There was just such inconsistencies in their messages.
I enjoy fb I have my private groups (support), family, friends and I have created some amazing friendships just like on this board. Inge been blessed to meet a couple. I can see how easy it is to get sucked into the idea that people have glamorous lives lives and what happened to mine? More damaging to my world than Facebook is the nightly news. I notice my kids, especially my daughter, are doing so much better without the barrage of negativity. I'm not saying bad things don't happen .. honestly .. it's no wonder as a society we can't let go. The message that is constantly sent about it's happening down the street around the corner 24/7. That's not true .. my kids are well informed about necessary things .. I'm just not interested in fear based news. I choose to use Facebook as a way to lift myself up with positive quotes and reminders. Let my actions show my values and how I live my life. People are going to do our feel how they need to about what I post ... ditto for me as well .. I just don't see that as my issue. If you feel better about what you are doing .. good for you because in the end that's what counts. Hugs ...
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
The internet has become my comfort food.