The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So yesterday I made my amends to my A. Typically she is not able to respond much to important, from the heart things, and she didn't. If someone made amends to me, I would be grateful and talk to them but my A is not capable of that. Can't get blood from a stone. I did my part and I am proud of that.
But last night I did have a small set back. My A got home much later than I expected, and I could not stop myself from questioning her. As soon as I did it, I regretted it. When I tried to examine my own behavior, I re-reminded myself that it does not matter what my A is doing because I am powerless. Also, even when she is home we do not have any quality time. We are like roommates doing separate things. So it doesn't matter if she is home or not. This is sad but true. So all my angst is for nothing and I know better by now. Do my own thing, take care of me, stay on my alanon path. I think I will do better next time, Lyne
I think your amends will probably have reached some part of her, Im glad you felt better. I like where it says that a changed attitude can be the amends, treating her with respect and courtesy are very powerful amends and dont even need saying.x
I don't think it matters if it reaches her or not .. I am powerless over other people, places, things and the past, .. the reality is if you are making amends honestly it's about you taking that emotional risk. How that other person reacts .. I have no control over .. they appreciate it or not .. that's on them .. I feel better taking responsibility for my actions, words and my mistakes. I love the idea and practice of living amends .. I can apologize until I'm blue in the face .. the actions that I follow up with are the ones that matter .. it also falls under the do I mean what I say, say what I mean and not say it mean. We are human and we slip .. it's ok .. it's a reminder to get back into the present and be the person HP meant me to be.
Keep coming back you are a MIP Miracle :) Hugs
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
I can see you are already aware that the amend is done to "Set yourself free'". So glad you took the Step. I was also impressed with the fact that you did a 10th Step when she came home later than expected and you found yourself questioning her---You reviewed your actions, examined your motives and came to the sane conclusion --" It does not matter " you are powerless and you need to take care of you. How great is that!!!
