repeating myself...can anyone relate? - Al-Anon Family Group

Hoot Nanny · ~*Service Worker*~

repeating myself...can anyone relate?

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I had the same exact problem with my SO. He couldn't hear a thing but when I would start to repeat myself he were what I was saying. I got so sick and tired of him not doing anything about it I quit repeating myself or I would tap him on the shoulder first before speaking. he finally when for a test and found out he's deaf lol. 6 grand later and he can hear like a charm when he WEARS THEM...

(((( hugs ))))

You are not alone.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I am losing my hearing, too, Kathleen. What others can hear when I'm sitting in a group, sounds muffled and soft to me sometimes but not all the time. I ask people to repeat what they're saying - not because I'm not listening, but because it is very difficult to hear all that is said. I can pick up certain words and try to put it all together in my head, but its more guessing than it is really knowing. It is most difficult when someone speaks and I didn't expect them to do it. It takes me time to register that someone is speaking and to "hear it" in my mind in a way I can digest. It is better for folks if they get my attention so I can face them and focus on them than to start talking when I don't expect it. A hearing aid is out of my budget.

I also know - that I have often walked in front of a man with my mouth turned away from him - as I go through a room or a house trying to show him something or tell him something that I have on my mind. In sharing what's on my mind, I forget that he may not be able to hear me but doesn't want to interrupt me. I've caught myself, stopped, turned and learned that its a bad habit of mine that gets in the way of communicating directly in a way that I can be heard and not his defect.

My father has also lost a large amount of his hearing in one ear. He asks me to repeat things also with a "huh." I know that sometimes he is better able to hear me than at others. That is true for me as well although my hearing loss is not as severe as his presently. I'm patient with him because I know he has no control over it and would rather have money in the bank to count on (he's 85) than to spend $2000 or more for a hearing aid. I'm not going to change that about him. So, patience.

Hope this helps.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 10th of January 2014 05:05:40 PM

deacon · Senior Member

Well did you hear the one about the man who went to his doctor and said he thought his wife was going deaf as she had started kind of yelling at him. So the doctor tells him to stand 30 ft away and say something to her. If she does not respond move forward five feet at a time until she does. Then come back and tell him how far away she was before she could hear him and the doctor would talk to her about it.

So that night, she is cooking dinner, and the man stands 30 ft away and asks. What's for dinner? No response. He moves to 25 ft and asks again. No response. 20 ft=no response, 15 ft=no response and so on until he is standing right behind her almost touching her and he asks again.

She turns around and says, " For Pete's sake, this is the fifth time I've told you already! We are having chicken.

The moral is that a man does not know he is losing his hearing until it is very clearly pointed out AND he does not like to know he is losing his hearing so he puts the $6000.00 hearing aides we bought him in the drawer and I have to shout or use sign language. Incidentally when I told this joke to a group of women friends all of the same age, they thought it was hilarious as they are all facing the same thing- their husbands did not find it funny at all.

I know exactly what Cathy and Kathleen are going through. SIGH!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Kathleen Glad you shared

Maybe if you waited until you had his attenton, sat next to him and spoke your thoughts- he might be able to focus.

This can be just a habit of his and I know that acceptance will work everytime

Good LUck

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Next time he says bite me, go sit on his lap and give him a nibble. Okay well that is what I would have done to my exAH, but we were playful at times. Not sure about the hearing thing I make my 15 year old repeat herself a lot and she gets mad sometimes, but she has a soft voice and I do not have the greatest hearing. Sending you love and support!

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate!

When I am struggling for someone's attention, I make sure to establish eye contact. If it's my daughter or a close friend, I'll gently hold their hand in mine.

I used to think that if I kept explaining that I would be heard. Now, I can understand that some people have pre-determined that they don't want to hear me and that I cannot force them to listen.

In training animals, I use brevity, consistency, and boundaries; I have found it helpful to apply this firmness in communications to others. Say it clearly and concisely once. I do not repeat myself but will continue with a supportive boundary. At first, people went ahead thinking the same ol' same ol' until my unspoken boundary became evident. It does not prevent them from retesting me or doing what they want to do, but there is no more true expectation of the wiggle room for engagement of unhealthy interactions.

Also, I used to have expectations and try and control how people would hear me...that if someone heard me, then they would _____. Now I realize that often I am heard even when it goes unacknowledged. I have the peace and serenity that I spoke my truth and I can move on.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Funny though...I can say dinner's ready from the kitchen and he hears me every single time LOL Well maybe he doesn't hear the words but he sure knows what I'm saying when it comes to the kitchen and smells food.

-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Saturday 11th of January 2014 03:14:13 PM

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