completly terrified - Al-Anon Family Group

farmerswife · Member

completly terrified

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

So sorry this has happened...As one who had to "start over" becuz I did not want to live that way, either, yea, it was scary, but I came out OK.......if only i knew steps 1,2,3 were at that time..I am assuming you do...Now is the time to stay in the present...work steps 1,2,3, and yes, do all you can...PT job...maybe a "roommate" ??? Someone you know??? who can use a place to stay/help w/bills???

Its scary, I know, but your HP will lead you the way....Breathe...work the first 3 steps.... say the S prayer over and over....Something CAN happen to help you save your place.....living with active addiction is NO life...I started from scratch and yea, starting over is a buggar, but it beats living w/this hell.....IN SUPPORT

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm listening. I understand. Please forgive me, but I don't remember if you have been attending Al-Anon meetings, have a sponsor or have been working the steps?

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

grateful2be wrote:
I'm listening. I understand. Please forgive me, but I don't remember if you have been attending Al-Anon meetings, have a sponsor or have been working the steps?

oh yea, Farmers, do you have a sponsor??? and do you go to meets??? BOY that will sure help now and for the rest of your life, and the sponsor will help you work the steps......If the answer is "no" ...no time like the present to get started....Its never too late to embrace this program and let it help you......

Mari1978 · Senior Member

May you find the support and tools you need to find your serenity.
Best Wishes
One day at a time.
M

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I can understand starting all over again.....I'm in that kind of spot myself. I don't have an A in my life but I'm still unhappy so I know your twice the unhappiness.

As you move forward I would at least Detach with love, say what you mean and keep firm with it. A's won't listen to anything else.

Attend Al-anon and get some tools behind you because they help so much. We can live in peace no matter if the A is drinking or not.

Prayers for you and your daughter and remember you are not alone.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

The word terrified was not in my vocabulary when I made the decision to separate from my "x." We're two different people, FW, but that word did give me pause. If you have not attended Al-Anon, we suggest that no major changes are made in your life until attending at least 6 months of Al-Anon meetings, step work and maybe a sponsor - unless of course there is violence. That changes things a bit.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 8th of January 2014 04:00:49 PM

TryingHard2013 · Veteran Member

Ty for sharing and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Some words to help. They helped me in my low point today "do not get so lost in the worth of others, that you forget the worth of yourself." Stay strong my prayers are with you.

farmerswife · Member

I've been attending meetings here, no in person nearest meeting 20 miles away and late (I am night blind cant drive after dark) but have been working the steps and online meetings so far I haven't shared but been going for about 4 months, no sponsor yet hard to find when you cant get to f2f meeting I know the 6 month recommendation but he is steadily getting worse and with his particular addiction if I stay that long I will be so far in a hole financially I could never dig out. He has already been selling his tools and traded our boat for drugs he did 2 mnths rehab (suppose to be year) relapsed last week gone 2 days and now hasn't been home for 2 days no word at all currently a month behind on mortgage and phone. I just cant wait the 6 mnths I have to think ahead because my very limited income and after 8 years of this I know he is not going to put the work in to get himself better. thank you all for your words of wisdom and help.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Well, whatever you decide and whatever you do, know that we are in support of you and here with you as well as for you. (((FW)))

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

farmerswife wrote:
I've been attending meetings here, no in person nearest meeting 20 miles away and late (I am night blind cant drive after dark) but have been working the steps and online meetings so far I haven't shared but been going for about 4 months, no sponsor yet hard to find when you cant get to f2f meeting I know the 6 month recommendation but he is steadily getting worse and with his particular addiction if I stay that long I will be so far in a hole financially I could never dig out. He has already been selling his tools and traded our boat for drugs he did 2 mnths rehab (suppose to be year) relapsed last week gone 2 days and now hasn't been home for 2 days no word at all currently a month behind on mortgage and phone. I just cant wait the 6 mnths I have to think ahead because my very limited income and after 8 years of this I know he is not going to put the work in to get himself better. thank you all for your words of wisdom and help.

When i did my first reply to you, I had thought u were working program, wasn't sure but thought and glad that you are...see if you can find a sponsor on line to get you through and i "get the" not being able to wait...sometimes we just have to TRUST and go for it.....follow your instincts....if you have been going to meets and please get into the steps....steps 1,2,3, right now to help you stay level, focused on you and your Higher Power....Maybe you could work out something w/bank?? a visit wouldn't hurt...partial payment?? till you catch up??? is there anything left to sell that he hasn't already sold for drugs???? my sister did that in FLA...had a huge garage sale and got caught up, sorta......AND I would get on online meetings too....runaway fear is not gonna help.....i have been in your shoes...it aint fun, but you need the support of meetings, steps, etc., to keep you level so you can think.........IN SUPPORT

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Farmerswife, my suggestion is to phone the number of the Alanon meeting closest to you, the number will be on the website because there is a chance that someone would be able to give you a lift or can suggest some other way of helping you get to a face to face meeting because there is really no substitute for that physical presence, that seat that truly belongs to you, the physical hugs and friendship that is there waiting for you.
There is a farmers wife at my meetings, an old timer and she is amazing. She travels quite a distance too. Good luck.x

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers Farmer wife

Please be gentle with yourself, live one day at a time, and keep coming back.

You are not alone

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I so relate.

I don't know where you are, but I learned to make money ON my property. I have boarded horses, or people just paid to keep them here, came to care for them.

Have had pigs, dogs, cats here to be boarded while people went on vacation. They were all treated like family. My place was pig dog or cat camp! lol

There are many ways to make money when u have a place.

do you have room to make an area for someone to park an rv or trailor and live? I just did that so I can make it. I too am disabled, A husband has been gone for years now.

You could have a course made for people to bring their dog to learn agility.If you chose to, u could have day camps for kids and adults to come see guinea pigs you block in with hay. And whatever else you feel would be safe for people to visit.

Those are just some ideas. Put up a inexpensive green house and sell seeds you start. Plants are so expensive in stores plus they don't have the variety like they used to.

Rent to people who eat meat and want to raise a steer or two. The guy across from me does that. You have a gold mine there with land.

I made four hundred one month babysitting two cats and three hundred the next two months caring for ONE cat.

grow a huge garden and sell your produce! especially organic means a lot now and no horrid GMO junk.

I know for me when I got proactive and found ways to support myself it made me feel better. Hard enough to lose our mates but our home and animals is horrible.

find someone to rent a room,

I am so sad you feel terrified, ONE day at a time. do what you can that day then take a breath, read, cook, do chores whatever. its so much easier to do things one day at a time.

It will all be ok, slow down, I would sit and make a plan, write down all my options, it took away my fear.

now I am back home, have one horse one pet farm pig, dogs etc. Not like the rescue, rehab sanctuary we had, but we make it.

Please keep coming and letting us know how you are. This spot kept me going. been here over twelve years now at MIP. Its home for me.

It was such a blessing HP led me here. hugz,debilyn

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I like Debilyn's suggestions. My mom has a farm in VA and her neighbor is a single woman living along who pet sits for a living. Seriously, she makes $30-$50 a night for staying at other people's homes and pet sitting or house sitting for them. She also boards 2 horses on her property. I've even thought of doing this for side income and I could take my 15 year old son with me but we now have a dog who has fear issues with other dogs so our options would be a bit more limited.

Keep coming back and posting here, find that online sponsor if you can, and you will feel better. We all understand where you are. I am in a similar boat: I'm ready to leave, but I haven't worked in 15 years and I would have to move out and find a new place for my son and I. It's terrifying but for now, I felt that my HP was telling me that my timing wasn't right. So, I've put those move out plans on hold. Sending you lots of support and hugs virtually!

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