The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I used to go to a CoDA meeting a while back and really connected with the people there..After my Active A started drinking I finally went to quite a few Al-Anon meetings and met some very nice
people although one man really irks me...
so here's my question..is there a difference between co-dependency and al-anon? would it be better to go to an al-anon meeting one week and a CoDA meeting the next week? I've gained a lot of insight about myself at both meetings and I dearly miss them..the people..etc.
I can only do one meeting a week because of school that starts back soon... Thank you.
You must understand that you have come to an alanon based Message Board to ask which program is better--CODA or Alanon?
This is a personal choice . I would say that, in my opinion, alanon has the longest history, was founded by the wife of the founder of AA, and was developed to support families of alcoholics. I have no idea of the history of CODA. I would research the history of CODA and then decide which one best suits my needs.
A closing statement of the Al-Anon meetings is "...If you keep and open mind you will find help". I've attended most 12 step programs with the exception of NA and Naranon mostly because the qualifying disease in my life is alcoholism however ACA and Coda have been a part of my journey while I also kept up with Al-Anon. For me the tap root of my recovery has been steadily Al-Anon because that was the door my HP led me to and led me thru and sat with me during sooooo many meetings and soooo many hours. I got here on the 2nd try because that is what it took...a bump and then a BOTTOM!! I was led to the Monday Night College Church of Christ Al-Ann Family Group on or before 2/8/79. It became my home group and everytime I get back to CA. I re-enter those doors where my life was restarted. Thank you Akua (my Hp). Go where you grow and remember to always give back. ((((hugs))))
To the Moderators of the board, I do really respect and honor Alanon and am very very privileged to attend local face to face meetings, and am blessed to be on these boards. Please understand that I am not undermining the benefits of Alan-on even though I have also found healing in Coda.
Phoenix,
I attend both alanon and CoDa meetings weekly (well until it got to cold and I wimped out lol). If you fell and scraped your knee, would you take aspirin or would you apply an icepack or both. Perhaps this is not the best analogy, but I hope you understand my point. Both programs treat the wound, both programs heal. Once can work without the other.
They are both 12 step programs and I have gotten an immense amount of healing from both.
For me, they help me recover in different ways. For me Alanon was a way for me to deal with ME and how I dealt with my Alcoholic. i can't control my alcoholic I need to deal with myself not him..etc. CoDa, for me helped me to heal the wounds that were created in my relationship with my alcoholic. In my Coda meetings we list "traits" of a codependent as well as healthy behavioral traitsit reminds me that I have my own issues in specific ways ..I find that I needed Coda to build up my self esteem. (the self esteem that I lost due to verbal and mental abuse from my Alcoholic) I used Coda to learn to value myself. If I had not had my Coda experience to gain my self esteem back, I would not have had the courage to set my boundaries or stand up to my alcoholic. Coda is "for people who want better relationships" not just for people who deal with alcoholism. For me, Alanon has helped me to clarify how "my issues" affect my relationship with my alcoholic, and how important it is to keep my issues as mine and let him have his.
My question to you is.What do you get out of each of your meetings? Go to the meeting that helps you the most. If you feel like you need to switch it up, then you can. There are no rulesand not one of us has a road map for another. That may be one of the hardest things about these programs, but the very BEST thingwe each have to find our own way.
I have been to 2 Alanon groups, and 3 Coda groups. I can tell you that It may be more important to choose the best GROUP rather than just program. I had a minimal connection to the 1st Alanon group as a wholecompared to what I consider my home group. I have a LOT of healing in my home Alanon group. My Alanon home group has my back and has given me a great deal of support and and understand how to help me relate to my alcoholic.
Likewise I have gone to a Coda group meeting that left me feeling a little flat as well. Whereas my "home" Coda group leaves me broken and healed and weeping almost consistently every week. But My Coda group, loves and supports me, OUTSIDE of my relationship with my Alcoholic.
Just my opinion here but I am a Al-Anon gal to the bone , this program has solved 99% of my living problems , including co dependency . I learned how to make myself happy regardless of what other people are doing I learned to separate their responsibility from mine thus making my life a lot easier to manage . I suggest you go where your the most comfortable . period and remember to not let anyone person stand in the way of your recovery, practice principles over personalities and the gentleman won't bother you anymore . He is there because he loves an alcoholic just like you . Louise
