Hi Raven, I am not really sure what a roommate is going to change for you? It could be me being a bit daft but I dont get where you are coming from. When I lived with my ex ah, life was chaotic and I cant imagine bringing a stranger into my household during this time. Is your roommate a friend that is aware of the situation? and is the plan to move your alcoholic out? Im sorry, Im confused. What changes are you expecting to happen?

All I can say is "Be the change you want to see".

Bettina

I understand it sounds crazy to anyone removed from this situation. Heck it sounds crazy to me, and I'm right here! But I feel HP is doing this, because I'd recently been praying to HP to change me. The past 21/2 years have been miserable and it's my doing. I allowed myself to be isolated. I've allowed myself to get comfortably uncomfortable and expect the A to act like a rational person, while I've been wringing my hands at the injustice of it all. After praying like crazy to HP to change me, well guess what? The roommate, whom I'll call H, called and asked if he could drop in from out of state, while he gets his bearings. And there began my change, it happened like clockwork, right before New Year's day. HP operates on Heaven's time, but it's right on time;)

Yes, H is an acquaintance of the A and totally understands the dysfunction junction lol...  His stay will only be for a few weeks to a month or two, and he'll be helping with repairs and expenses, and should he stay past January, he will be paying 1/4 of rent, bills and etc. As for expectations of anyone else past the aforementioned agreements, I have none except for my own personal changes. I know I can't change the A any more than the bread at the hardware store analogy. I'm not expecting H to stay long, as the house is small; we both understand that this is a temporary stopover, however, if it will help me for a short period with expenses, it'll be a plus.

The changes I foresee are only for myself, I understand that there may be some discomfort, as there will be a change in the daily routines, but the way I see it, if I'm comfortable, I won't grow. And isolating myself from friends and family is not a situation I want to accept anymore. My life is going to continue regardless of what the A wants to do with his. If he doesn't like it he can leave. I'm done with simpering around, waiting for his cues...even as I write that I laugh at the notion of waiting for cues from an A. I've told the A for months now that as of January 1st, I was going to change things around here, and it's certainly happening. I'm keeping my promises. I plan to to take care of myself, fix this house up and start living my life.

Definitely Bettina, I plan to be the change I want to see:))

-- Edited by Raven Juniper on Sunday 5th of January 2014 10:49:42 PM

-- Edited by Raven Juniper on Sunday 5th of January 2014 10:51:09 PM

Thanks for clarifying. I think it's a great idea to not put life on hold for your a and your getting help with bills etc so that's taking care of you. Going to face to face meetings got me out of that isolation your talking about. I hope it works out.x