The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I continue to take my inventory I have noted I react with sarcasm when I am hurt and don't know quite what to say. As I spent time with my mother I noted I learned it from a good source. Gotta work on that one. I thought I was being witty. But, as my mothers sarcasm stung me I realized I was actually hurting people. So not a mirror I wanted to look into.
As I continue to take my inventory I have noted I react with sarcasm when I am hurt and don't know quite what to say. As I spent time with my mother I noted I learned it from a good source. Gotta work on that one. I thought I was being witty. But, as my mothers sarcasm stung me I realized I was actually hurting people. So not a mirror I wanted to look into.
you are not alone....i can "cut a person down to their socks" if they come at me with insults, condescending remarks, et al....getting better about defending me w/out being like battery acid, but i am a work in progress....I can be as snarky and sarcastic as they come....not proud of it, it is what it is and i would rather show a better, healthier me so i work on this issue......
thank you for your honest step 4...this is how we change...by being honest w/ourselves and others and willing to overcome.....GOOD JOB
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I have a mean streak, too, Tricia. I didn't think so once upon a time, but I do. Awareness and acceptance of it has helped me see it and do something about it - admit it and turn it over to my HP for healing. I don't know why learning how to express our thoughts and feelings gently yet firmly when in relationships wasn't taught. I'm glad we can learn a way to behave though that brings people closer to us rather than stinging them and watching them run away. The beauty to me of being loved by my HP is that once I realized I was loved exactly as I was, I could better accept that I was a mixed bag and always would be. By doing more of what was truly loving in me, the things that still needed to be healed in me almost went away on their own and what was left will trip me up when I forget I'm not there yet and get complacent. To me, even those things about me that aren't healed yet are a blessing, too. They help to remind me I am human, imperfect and will always need God and others to help me continue the work of being the me God intends.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 4th of January 2014 06:16:15 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 4th of January 2014 09:09:30 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 4th of January 2014 09:27:58 PM
its funny, I am realizing that behaviors imexhibit, seem like nothing to me.....but if I am at the other end of those behaviors, i am taken aback.
I need to start paying more attention to how I sound to others
Great awareness . I too justified my negative behavior. I blamed others for the same negative habits that I routinely used without knowing it. . Thank you alanon for the Steps and the ability to see myself as I am. This way I have the power to change
Ultimately - we can never be useful to HP when we treat others badly. I found that being able to treat others kindly only resulted when I was treating myself kindly. When I was sarcastic, I was listening, and hurting my own self esteem. Hard to love others when you do not truly love yourself. Step work gave me the building blocks to better self esteem, self worth and self love. It was only natural then for me to give this all back in a healthy way from that point on. Practice makes progress - thanks for this post :) xxxx
I'm goooood at it which means I am always practicing it usually without concern or awareness...it is a practice habit and so my subconscious is the doorway for it. When I catch myself at it I catch myself not taking the situation or the person or both seriously and often I might be "blowing them off" on a subject of their real concern. I might also be "poking fun" during a non-humorous time and it also shows that I'm being trite in the least and disrespectful at most. Like Ignutha I never like when others did it to me and that softened when I stopped taking myself soooo seriously and started finding the humor in alot of my complaints or concerns. Maybe what would be good to do is to ask how much of a real concern the situation is to the other person and thereby stopping my sarcasm from making it worse. ((((hugs))))
My family of origin did not use sarcasm, but my husbands sure did and still does. It used to confuse me when they communicated this way, couldn't tell...are they serious or not? I came from a she clan of screaming banshees(see sarcasm, lol), there were no filters- you knew exactly what was being communicated. I have over the years, learned how to be sarcastic. Intentional, non-intentional, witty, cutting, defensive... how often is it really necessary? I use it when I don't have the courage to say what I really mean, as a filter of sorts or as a defense mechanism. I can without a doubt call this a personal defect too. If I learned it, I can surely unlearn it, going to work on my awareness, thanks for bringing up this topic, got my wheels turning!
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Nothing has changed but my attitude, everything has changed.
I came from a kind and gentle family, there was hardly ever a harsh word spoken between any of us. It was weird when I got to know AH and his family because sarcasm is nearly the only way they communicate. AH once told me that if I can't handle his sarcasm, then he can't be who he needs to be because sarcasm is part of who he is. Personally, I can't handle sarcasm because I don't read it well and I am always trying to figure it out and sometimes I find it just plain hurtful. I've learned to use sarcasm myself, and I am so disappointed in myself for catching onto it through my married years. It's amazing how easy it is to pick up the habit and it's amazing how pervasive it is in our society. I try very hard to watch what I say and to make sure I am kind. I have learned to shut my mouth when sarcasm is building, because usually there is a dig contained within it.
I wonder what would happen if we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and gentle yet firm and self-directed? Not just once in awhile but at all times? I notice that when I am feeling my feelings and choosing to see myself as I am and not as I think I should be, I am completely and totally at peace. Maybe tiny tastes of that serenity leads me to trust it and practice it more? I don't know. I'm still learning and growing. I get frustrated with not being there yet sometimes and then I remember that I will always be a work in progress.
