If you aren't in Al-Anon and haven't attended meetings, please do. The rage you have expressed here shows me the depth of pain you are in. Al-Anon meetings, fellowship, literature, 12-step work and being with others who have been there or are there can help you find yourself again underneath all that pain. Keep coming back here, too.

 

Aloha Midori and welcome to the board and will you ever be rid of it...Yes!! only you gotta do what we have learned in the program of recovery of Al-Anon.   Hotline number is in the white pages of your local telephone book...call, find out where and when we meet in your area and then come.  You'll want to temper the language just a bit or you will own the meeting.   It's not that we don't understand our use to act in a resistive manner when first getting there; I did and had been asked to leave a meeting or two which they always followed up with "keep coming back".   You are ANGRY!! which is allowed.   You are angry about a disease that's kicking your butt which you didn't Cause, cannot Control and will not be able to Cure...(those are a first easy relief called the 3Cs) which give us permission to change our focus from "them" to "us".   Keep hanging with this MIP family cause there is a bunch of excellect Experience Strength and Hope coming up.   We do understand where you're at, what you're feeling and how you're thinking cause we have all been there and done that.   Hang around.   ((((hugs)))) 

Thanks Jerry.

And, yeah, I know the language is really bad. I thought about editing what I wrote but... I edit so much. I'm so good at editing. I edit with my mom, with my boyfriend's mom, with my whole family. I thought, be honest. If anything just this once. Because that language is honest... at least right now. Perhaps it was a shout for help to see if anyone was listening.

Thank you for listening.

Thank you Mimi3.

I'm working on understanding that "lack of choice" part of the disease. That's the tough one. That's the one that makes me so angry.

I'll try and be back, as frightening as that is.

I would read anything you can get your hands on regarding Alcoholism. There's more to it than you might think..

 

There are many untreatable diseases and alcoholism is one of them. It is what it is and nothing can change that. The problem is in how its affecting you and it is.

Sometimes we become sicker then the alcoholic. I also recommend attending an Alanon meeting. Go, it can only help you with your pain and suffering.

You can only suggest rehab to your Mom, that's all you can do, you cannot force a solution on an Alcoholic. But you can control your behavior and your reactions to it.

Good luck to you, I hope you take the suggestions made to heart.

Hugs, Bettina

It is a hateful substance for many people, I hate it too and for a long while I hated the companies who make it, adverts about it, people talking and boasting about their time on it. I could also smell it from about a mile away, its like a bit of a phobia for me too. 

Its hurt us and damaged us, thats why were in recovery. Recovery for me is owning up to my feelings in a way. I can say to my family, as if they didnt know, I dont want to be around alcohol and people who are drunk, its not about casting them aside its about me and my needs. Can you tell the people in your life that you wont be around them while they drink? Or just have contact with them in the mornings or at times you know they are sober. If they ask you about it tell them, if probably wont make a difference but at least you will feel better having owned your feelings. Keep coming back, we understand, like no others really.x

 

welcome midori, and keep coming back. These boards and meetings are priceless. The f2f will help as well. It will help with your feelings of anger, believe me, I have them as well. But there are so many of us who can understand your feelings and help with your struggles. Keep coming back and welcome again!

Well, you've made the first big step. When I went to my first F2F meeting, it was at a church that I used to attend. When I got there and was about to walk in the door, I thought I heard my son's scoutmaster in there talking. I walked slowly back out to the car, and prepared to pull away.

But I took a moment and thought, and realized if he was in there it was because we had something in common, not something to be ashamed of! I walked back in, and it wasn't him in there, but there were a bunch of folks that had beeb there/done that. I gave some lame, brief testimony, and had a couple of thoughts given to me afterwards, both verbally and in notes, that were immensely valuable to me.

So, if you feel like venting here, do it! Take a look at how many threads are titled "I just need to vent", or "sorry, gotta rant". We all listen because we all have those needs, and it doesn't help to go to either our alcoholic qualifiers, or people who don't understand it. And by the time thre thread is through, usually the ranter thanks everyone, and many times others have learned something from the ranter!

So, please do go to some F2F meetings, and keep posting - we all get help from each other, you don't know whose life you might have touched positively today from posting.

Kenny

I'm so happy you came here and I hope you come back often. Here you can let go of your rage and tell us instead of taking it out on others. Take these 3 first steps in the program and think about them. It will help you let go to start your journey to peace.

We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Whatever your HP is have faith in it that you may move forward..

Take care of you...you are not alone

Welcome to the boards Midori,

I can understand your hate of alcohol too. I wanted to slam bottles down and imagined myself hurling them. This is a family disease, alcoholism. We are affected as much as they are. I found that I find the most clarity when I post or when I share. I am somehow able to get in touch with things (emotions and thoughts) that I would not have done if I were silent. I spent at least 10..actually I think my entire relationship/ marriage going on 14 years in denial. I never owned up to how I really felt about anything (like the editing you do, but in my own head). I became void. I lost who I was. Through the 12 step program of alanon (and CoDa) I have reclaimed my voice and am getting back in touch with who I am.

I had not really owned up to some of the anger and resentment that I had felt, and through sharing I got in touch with it. And it does go away..where? The universe. My Higher Power. But it does get better. If you are in this much pain (as I believe you are). Because I was in a great deal of pain as well just prepare your self for a soulful journey towards freedom. I still remember my breakdown at a meeting, I was the first to share, and then had a "burning desire" and practically begged to share at the end as well. I had gotten in touch with how angry I was (finally). I cried the whole meeting, the whole drive home, and slept for a day afterwards. I will tell you that was one of the very best experiences in my life. It was powerful, it was healing, it was recovery. And you ARE strong enough, and you CAN do it. We will give you all the support we can muster. And when you make it to a face to face meeting - they will too. one of my favorite parts of our meeting is when we address newcomersyou may not like us, but you will come to love us the way that we already love you. I have found face to face meetings to be a safe place. And this board? Wow, this board is amazing beyond amazing..As a matter of face this board probably saved me (or got the ball rolling in the right direction). But nothing can fully replace the real meetings.

((hugs))