Dear Al-Anon members, 

For the last few months, I have been silently recovering from a breakup with my ex-boyfriend who was a former heroin (opiate) addict (in treatment for the 3^rd time) in Tampa, FL. My story goes something like this:

Met this wonderful, amazing, good looking guy in his late 20s came from a great family, had some money, fabulous apartment, desired to get married and settle down. The only obstacle (so I thought): he was Jewish and I was Catholic. We talked about a future together, made decisions that if we were to get married we would raise our kids Catholic and that was that I thought the worst was over. Until one day he told me the most unsettling news I had ever experienced in my life: he was a recovering opiate addict with a history of chronic relapses. I know what youre thinking I thought this, too. Run, run as fast as you can for the hills, and NEVER look back. But as stupid as this sounds, I thought he had a fighting chance and I didn't want to completely shun him because of his past, I mean how many smart, cute, intelligent, Jewish boys with a great family do I meet every day?

I was 26 at the time, madly in love and gave him a shot. The relationship moved quickly and sooner than later he moved into my apartment, we were sharing our life together and things began to unravel with a blink of an eye. It started with a few relapses heroin paraphernalia around the bathroom, in the spare bedroom, his clothing pockets, etc. Six months down the line, deceit, manipulation, lies, and a laundry list of things addicts do to get by. The only thing I could do was turn to God, my priest, church, a network of people I knew could help me. So, I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. Finally one day in prayer, the answer was given to me, let go he needs help and you cant save him. For almost a 1.5 years I was watching the person I loved so deeply drown before my very own eyes, and even though I had thrown him a life jacket; I had to continue to watch him drown. My hands were empty, my heart shattered, and I was living in constant fear that tomorrow would be the day I was going to open the bathroom door to find him lying cold and lifeless on the floor. In February 2013, I made the conscious decision to let his parents know he needed to go back to inpatient treatment, and tried to never looked back.

The last time we were together in our apartment Matt hugged and kissed me and promised to come back to Chicago sober, with the intention of marrying me. He packed a few bags and left for rehab that following March; that was the last time he has set foot in our apartment. Over the course of the next few months, I packed the rest of his belongings, moved his furniture out, found a new roommate, and lived life without him. There were days I felt like I had hit rock bottom crying, pleading, wondering what the hell I had done, if I made the right decision, if he would come back, if he would still love me, if I would still love him, if we really would get married and have this beautiful picturesque life I had envisioned: 2-3 kids, comfortable house in the burbs, cute dog the kids adore, wonderful husband, doting and loving father.

Even though Matt and I tried to stay committed to each other while he was away, the truth is we couldn't make it work and our love storys happy ending ends there. Its upsetting we couldn't make the relationship work  but we realized the stress, distance, lies, deceit, negativity, personality conflicts were adding more heartache than helping us in the long run. My only wish for Matt and I know his only wish for me is to be happy. And sadly, the relationship didn't work but once again, I've realized through prayer that more good has happened from our experience than bad. Matt has shown me what it truly means to be committed to someone, to want the best for them, to stand behind them through thick and thin, to become spiritually connected to a higher being, and to face by inner battles. I hope I have taught him a few life lessons, as well. I will continue to pray for him on his journey to recovery, and he will always and forever have a special place in my heart.

In the end, prayer can move mountains and set you free only if youre willing to listen.