The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mom was the queen of, well, drama queens. Her moods would swing wildly and unpredictably, which gave rise to the hypervigilance that is a hallmark of an ACOA. (Disclaimer: neither of my parents were alcoholics, but the family disease "infected" them - and me - with dysfunction from earlier generations.)
Is it any wonder that I was drawn toward relationships with other drama addicts? Healthy people were neither attracted, or attractive, to me, since they seemed to have an aversion to drama. Because of the frame of reference I carried forward from childhood, hysteria and inconsistency were what I considered normal. Decades of confusion and depression marked my life, and I attributed that misery to what I was certain to be my own lack of worth.
Thank God for recovery. The wisdom, healing, and tools for living found in the rooms and the program are teaching me a better way. I am now attracted to those "boring" healthy people and the stability and emotional honesty that relationships with them make possible. I can establish boundaries with my mom, who, at the age of 87, still relishes her drama queen role; when she goes on a "drama bender" now, I can be aware enough to detach. Even now, when exposed to drama, my reflexive instinct is still to jump into the middle of it. Thanks to my HP's help and the wisdom of the program can I become aware and "vote with my feet" to detach from a drama-filled situation.
I'm pretty certain that many of us Al-Anon'ers are recovering drama addicts. I observe that here on the MIP board, posts that are heavy with drama tend to receive many more responses than do posts that are focused on gratitude or insight or that share some program wisdom. I very much admire the "old timers" who, time and time again, respond (and not react) to drama posts with fundamental program principles. That is a wonderful example of practicing the program principles in all our affairs.
Like an old-timer in my F2F group is fond of saying, I don't know how this program works, I only know that it does!
I love your honest insights. I can see the same growth in me. My first husband was a drama king, and, at first it was fun and exciting then it got so tiring for me. I took on the role of steady and boring to balance him out. I noticed I chose friends, too, that were exciting but unreliable. When my ex husband passed on, one of my kids said to me they weren't going to have fun anymore...I felt like a pack of boring bologna. I now have friends that are grounded, funny, contemplative with a good mix of expressive and listening skills. Thanks for the great share!
Love this post....can so relate....you described my former life....addicted to the dysfunction junction
not anymore....i have either distanced myself or just cut loose the drama kings and queens or the other dysfunctionals that have only stress to offer me.........NOT interested......not talking about normal human stuff...I am talkin the toxic stuff....GOOD FOR YOU
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I too am grateful that I found a sane way to live.
The courage, serenity and wisdom of this program gave me the ability to enjoy all the beauty that life has to offer while still staying in reality. What a gift
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 2nd of January 2014 11:02:45 AM
Alanon has taught me to respond and not react to the drama that is going on around me. I'm so tired of it all. At least now I know I have a choice to which drama to deal with and which to let flow over me and not drown me. Hugs
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
That's one of the reasons I don't like big parties or parades or expressways. Groups of folks addicted to pleasure and pain together in one place is too much drama for me. I like one to one conversations with people who are honest about their thoughts and feelings and hear me out, too. I like being in places that are quiet and peaceful. I like driving on back roads where I can see nature without some nutty driver on my tail screaming, yelling, waving one finger wildly about or looking like they are about to burst because "they're in a hurry." I like to savor my life and see what's there, too. To me, life is a sacrament filled to the brim with symbols and messages to appreciate. It is not a race to the finish line or to a destination. It is not a way to keep myself distracted by yelling, screaming, drinking, drugging or hanging out with overstimulated people.
Thanks for your post and for the benefits of your learnings, 1911. Living life simply and serenely is such a gift. Being with others who want that way of life and are doing what they can to bring it about one day at a time is a joy for me.
My own behavior parallels the addicts on deep levels .. what I see in this is it isn't about the type of addiction; it's the addiction itself .. whether it's drinking drugging smoking compulsive shopping computering food relationships, gambling, etc .. if we really dig we'll see many similar patterns in places within ourselves .. the common connection is obsession, compulsion, blaming, denying, criticising, manipulating, excusing. whatever it may be ..
we go to what we know .. I was secretly insecure .. i can say that today .. it wasn't a secure environment .. i was hurting .. i turned to places and others where there was less hope, less love, less willingness to change, less care, etc .. lots of control, manipulation, really just wherever others were willing to join in my trying to change my feelings or theirs, etc .. quick fixes .. and yep pleasure and pain addiction .. love that alanon isn't like that ..
funny to see this week on grattitude .. for the last several years of my relationship with my x meth addict .. it was so crazy but i reached the point in recovery where i began to say i was so grateful for him for leading me to alanon .. later i said i was really grateful for my family early on .. they pointed me in the direction .. today for the first time i see i'm grateful for all of my own fear, pain, chaos .. because it continues to lead me on and keep me in .. finally a greater purpose for fear, anger, obsession, etc.. than just mere behaviors i need to heal or problems i need to fix or fear ..
Find as long as i have program, every relationship has meaning and served a greater purpose than the one i gave it originally .. Thanks for sharing ..
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Thursday 2nd of January 2014 11:29:50 AM
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Thursday 2nd of January 2014 11:30:42 AM
I am guilty of being a the drama queen. I used to do it all the time to try and get my way. What I have discovered it only hurts me in the long run because nothing really changed except for a poor Cathy...it will be OK.
If I think I will try it I can stop now and think about it before I react. Cathy.... if you do this are you going to get your way? Not really... So stop it now and make a better choice for yourself.
Let go let God.....
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
love this post :) with the program I have been able to make progress. I'm pretty much drama free now, but there are still days I can start to go there, luckily for me now I go there with awareness and I either call someone in the program, or I get my bootie to a meeting. Thank you for the reminder and sharing your story :) Thank God for this program, and learning that there is a different serene and peaceful way to live :) how delicious life is now :) learning to look at others with compassion and tolerance and knowing that everyone is on their own journey...I don't need to give anyone else a coaching.. and I may not be right anyways....hp is in charge:) praying for his will and the power to carry it out:) Wonderful share :)
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
Alanon has taught me to respond and not react to the drama that is going on around me. I'm so tired of it all. At least now I know I have a choice to which drama to deal with and which to let flow over me and not drown me. Hugs
oh MAN, "respond and not react" i still have to fight this off me.....reacting to life, events, people, etc., circumstances, rather than thinking....breathing....gathering info on it.....working the best options...being proactive in taking care of me......thank you SR good points.....i , too have a choice...what to deal with...what to say to heck with and walk away...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
.I felt like a pack of boring bologna. I now have friends that are grounded, funny, contemplative with a good mix of expressive and listening skills. Thanks for the great share!
hahahahah...."boring bologna" here we call it Texas round steak.......and yea, i know what u mean....i have turned boring, but my close ones are grounded, healthy, mutual love and respect........give me boring bologna any ole time.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
