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I discovered something about me since joining this club......
I drive into the parking lot and i see new SUV's and the "hard body" chicks walking in w/their up to date gym attire and i see them on their Iphone 5s's and I look at me
I drive a Ford Ranger, now 12 years old, but kept nice, I use an Iphone 4 and that is only bc Verizon GAVE it to me to keep me as a long term customer and ALL my gym gear I got at goodwill, compliments of other hard bodies who tossed away last years duds to keep up with the newest trends.....$29 and i filled my gym bag........my swim suites...all cute....all from thrift shops...
I go into the club, with a kinda deer in the headlights look on my face b/c i was fascinated....it was a "wowza" experience for me....like Fanny Hill seeing the big city of London for the first time, coming from the country......the economic crash changed my life...yea, less money comes in, but i am more clever at managing and taking care of me with less money....I used to make 50 grand a year...not counting bonuses and xmas gifts.....now its social security and part time...and not even close to that.....So i am standing in the lobby at this real nice club and the "old sick" me almost said "WTH are you DOING??? you don't belong here" but that notion was quickly talked down....
i felt "less than" for a long time, but i no longer do....I am more than my "STUFF" , i am more than the shoes on my feet , or the clothes on my back., or the house I live in , or the STUFF i managed to buy for me, going to pawn shops and using my head........
As i looked around at this huge club, I was wide eyed with anticipation...a bit nervous BUT...eager for fun and learning better how to take care of me....eager for adventure.....
Since my "entrance" as a "newbie" member of this very nice club, NOONE cares about what i drive, what i text on and noone has , i am sure, noticed the age of my clothing and I have been WARMLY embraced by everyone I see...
and I am kinda "reserved" when it aint recovery.....like reserved, kinda shy, but i guess folks saw through that ...like today.....playing basket ball, jumping on the machines and folks helping me get the things started, and swimming, folks smiling at me and telling me what a good swimmer I am.....and i was wearing a lavender, one piece swimsuit that , i gotta admit....did not look half bad on me...thank you Goodwill :)
So i am very quickly getting the impression that a LOT of folks look at you for your manners....courtesy......even reserved me can manage a smile......and being approached and embraced like that i found out i am real funny in a conversation......
this adventure is my first since the old tennis club closed up back in 2006, the year i lost my lucrative job......i wasn't "seasoned" enough in my recovery and I did shut out a lot of folks...yea, i am reserved "out in the wild" but in '06 it was a bit much....perhaps it was i felt "not good enough" and so i just shut folks out so as to save them the trouble of rejecting me.....
I dunno, but this adventure with more recovery under my belt, I realized something....
I BELONG....just as much as that little young , hard body on the machine next to me....OR that fella with the expensive attire on.....
I studied the people w/out staring (love to people watch....would rather observe then be in center of attention) and I noticed their demeanors, and i am thinking I belong JUST AS MUCH as these folks who look great on the outside, but ya never know what their home life is like......
beyond their new SUV, Iphone 5s, and their $200 outfits there is a human....with fears....warts....bad memories.....at the very LEAST, imperfect families....perhaps a drunk or two in the family, or perhaps a spouse that they are not so happy with......they have their "stuff" they are trying to cope with and they may NOT have alanon where they can go share, be accepted and find out that they are no better or no worse then the next guy....
So tomorrow , I will meet my trainer w/a cute little grey outfit, compliments of goodwill and my bathing suit underneath it and my "look like new" sneaks that are perfect for my outfits....I stuck w/ black/grey/dk blue for my color scheme so i can mix and match...got LOTS of cute tops to go w/the pants.....and the sneaks??? steel grey with dk blue accents and yellow shoe laces......purrrfect for my "color coordination" attemps...
So...YEA., I belong....and furthermore, I think it took a lot of creativity to do what i did getting me started in this.......OH and as a former navy wife, my gym bag is military, LOL.......AND what is most important????? what is inside of me and ya know???? my insides are looking better and better
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I felt the same way the first few times I walked into the local YMCA near me, a lot of beautiful bodies and cute work outfits and well I am at my highest weight and in sweat pants and a tshirt and will be until I lose a bit of weight. I do not own an ianything and am okay with it. I got a sponsorship so attend for less than 10 bucks a month with my kids and I love the opportunity! I am worth it and so are you! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I felt the same way the first few times I walked into the local YMCA near me, a lot of beautiful bodies and cute work outfits and well I am at my highest weight and in sweat pants and a tshirt and will be until I lose a bit of weight. I do not own an ianything and am okay with it. I got a sponsorship so attend for less than 10 bucks a month with my kids and I love the opportunity! I am worth it and so are you! Sending you love and support!
Hey Breaking, thanks for posting....i have been meaning to ask, what are you studying for and hows it going???? and I am glad that U only pay $10 for your school...that is great....and you BET...we are worth it.......hugs of support
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I meant $10 for the Y membership sorry if I did not communicate that clearly. I am taking classes to become a registered nurse.
WOW...Y membership....fantastic......and I love the thought of being a nurse....i wanted to do that or be a teacher.....my father forced me into bookkeeping in his office....he would't pay for any school for me re: what i wanted....so i made the best of it..........as weak as my stomache is, maybe i would have really stunk as a nurse, LOL...good on you
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Thanks N...almost fell on the floor laughing and kicking...so up front and honest and you kicked my imagination into 3D living color. Really you are enough and a bit more than for your open honesty. (((((hugs)))))