The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came to this forum/board I listened first, and then when I decided I was brave enough to post I did. Knowing that anything I said or revealed or asked would be fair game to any one on this public message board. I knew there was kindness and understanding here, but I also knew that this board is worldwide and that many different people form different cultures would read my posts and decide the best way to respond. I am a pretty tough cookie so I can take alot if Ichoose to, but I am also reminded of the slogan "take what you want/need and leave the rest". No one here is intentionally mean. But at times people will put you in your place if you insult others on here or if you are in so much denial that you need a good few words that are going to hopefully wake you up. I am a peaceful person, and do not mean to hurt anyone if I have, I apologize. I also remember that writing on the internet is not always understood as in a one on one conversation with someone in front of you. I hope to do better in my written words...maybe an English class is in order this semester.....Thank You for all the help everyone has given me in response to my problems I appreciate it. ......in support og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
(((OG))) Thank you for posting a positive thoughts about good intentions-I find your shares so valuable. Stepping out of a comfort zone to find new and healthier perceptions and choices doesn't always sound like I'm running towards the pot of gold... but I've learned that keeping an open mind, trusting the process, and building faith can bring something better. (and now that Jerry mentions it, I, too, love the polar bears!
Thank You for the TOPIC and your clarity and honesty. I do feel as if your heart, as is the hearts of our entire MIP family, is filled with love and compassion. Any time we respond to a poster it is out of that love and compassion of which we speak
Occasionally a post will stir up concern for the poster and that concern causes many to "speak the truth" without filters. Our Alanon principles understands this disease very well and cautions each of us not to give advise but to offer compassion and a program tool so that each member can look within and find their truth. Until a person is ready to "Hear" they cannot "See" .
AA has a slogan that goes: We are not here to "CO Sign Your Denial" I do believe we walk a delicate line in responding.
Thanks everyone for your empathy and wisdom
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 2nd of January 2014 12:13:16 AM
from the first time I came into the rooms I knew i was exposing myself, and revealing my flaws- every time I opened my mouth. Then I learned that this was the way to go! This board is a much bigger group than I have ever bin used to... ...and it takes time to get to know people individually... but yes trust, and respect begins to sink in, along with a strong sense of family.... Sharing is great because if I do have a slip-up- talk with the wrong person at the wrong time... then it is quickly forgiven and forgotten... but most often there is a depth there, and warmth I could have never imagined... DavidG.
Og, I am not feeling well this evening so I am fuzzy, but I heard your heart and want to thank you for your share. They are consistently truthful, wise and compassionate.
Great topic, one that comes up over and over again by the looks of things. For me, I love to share here due to the different cultures and viewpoints, I like to learn so the chances are there will be esh that I hadnt considered or thought of. Everyone here has their own style of writing and I like that too because we all learn differently so if we get every type of esh we are bound to have our correct learning style in there somewhere.
I think people do get upset from time to time and that is a breakthrough, I mean we cant become part of that persons denial, like someone else said, I suppose its treading the fine line between honesty and harshness. Sometimes, a persons struggle with this board is due to the fact that noone has ever challenged that persons thinking before, and thats where the disease lives, so for the first time a person may be asked to consider their own self pity, self rightousness, denial. It can all sound very insulting the first time round. Its like peeling a plaster from a hairy leg, sore but necessary.
I was told, the pity party is over, at my first meeting, I thought, these people can see into my soul, I new I was in the right place, I had already learned that my thinking was flawed. Some people come here, expecting more of the same sympathy that they have gotten from the world, they dont get it here, its more an understanding but not pity. Thats actually what I love about alanon, the honesty, its like nutrition for the mind. Thanks for sharing og. Love your esh, always what I need, not always what I want.x
There are times I have wondered if I have been too harsh and that is probably a wondering I may always have if someone gets upset. I take my inventory, and, if an amend needs to be made, I will make the amend. "I am sorry" is different than an amend.
I will watch a person's process for awhile, see how receptive they are to responses, get a sense of where their disease is keeping them stuck ( I know those places so intimately) and take a risk and post something that I know will probably sting, but may break through a destructive behavior. When that happens, it is music to my ears. I am ok if they get angry...there is truth to the saying that the truth sometimes hurts. If they continue to stay stuck and it appears as though they are getting payoffs for staying stuck, I withdraw my support. My time is precious and I deeply value it.
From a different perspective, the things people post here have saved me from being in (self inflicted) emotional pain ALL the time, which is not a good place to be 24/7 at all. I would go so far to say the posts are life changing and I am grateful for every one of them.
If they continue to stay stuck and it appears as though they are getting payoffs for staying stuck, I withdraw my support. My time is precious and I deeply value it.
You have a great way with words!
Since I have found this board, I have not wanted to return to my regular previous (non-recovery and very toxic) board. There isn't much room for BS here, which I love.
Thank you for the share <<<<<OG>>>>>. As an unemployed English lit and writing teacher, I'm always in favor of classes! It seems to me there is an epidemic abroad (as in all over the place) of an inability to engage in higher cortical reasoning and most definitely in the "what we have here, suh, is a failure to communicate." I pray that someone on here recognizes that film reference as I am feeling very much older if not downright archaic today and unfortunately most definitely have to search hard to find out if I'm still a "gal." As people often say, growing old ain't for sissies. What they neglect to tell us is that we will have a 27 (7 or 17) year-old mindscape in an 87 year old carcass. But I find that having a humorous and positive outlook on most everything helps a lot too. Have grad degree...will travel...tuition cheap.
THANK YOU PP! I hope this means I'm not a complete fossil...I've often thought of donating my body to science. I just didn't consider it might be the Natural History Museum!
I will watch a person's process for awhile, see how receptive they are to responses, get a sense of where their disease is keeping them stuck ( I know those places so intimately) and take a risk and post something that I know will probably sting, but may break through a destructive behavior. When that happens, it is music to my ears. I am ok if they get angry...there is truth to the saying that the truth sometimes hurts. If they continue to stay stuck and it appears as though they are getting payoffs for staying stuck, I withdraw my support. My time is precious and I deeply value it.
WOW, Paula, I do the same thing...my time is precious...if i see no change..no progress...no openess to mine or others ESH, ....justifying rather then manning up and saying, Yea, this is not healthy for me, WHAT can i do to change??? if i see NO work on the steps..No work on slogans...repeated no sponsor or recovery partner work....i see the same ole same ole, just telling their war stories, focusing on the A and not themselves, If i smell they want pity or "oh you poor thing" or I see they want rescue...I am DONE>......and yea, get pissed but do the work anyhow..........and i too, get disinterested and i withdraw any and all support......I SO agree with you, Paula.....Its not that i am trying to get them to do my bidding....its no "BFD" to me what they do, but don't waste my time......whats that saying...Poop or get off the pot......if i see one get angry at a post of mine and then i see progress, I am good....but when they defend theirs or the A's behaviours, or they allow children to be damaged by staying in same stuck position, I withdraw.....lose interest.....DONE......i think for the most part the payoff is getting pity/sympathy or to be enabled or to be rescued OR all three....either way....i lose interest and i withdraw......its my choice.....I value my time and my efforts....and when they refuse to esh others, that kinda is a turn off....esh'ing others shows to me that they are yea, taking care of themselves, but giving something back to the program that gave so much to them......
I hope this made sense...had a real butt kicker of a workout...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
DavidG.