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well, today is Jan 1, 2014....I am lookin forward with an open, positive mind.....
headed out to my new club to "play" and i need it...
last night my ptsd began to kick in.....as ny eve was one time i at age 15, to get away frm the offender's advances, I locked myself in the bathroom w/a bottle of champagn and got sooo drunk i was sick for days....
NY eve used to be scary for me.......so last night, sipping my ONE wine cooler, quiet, watching tv, I poured the rest of it down the drain, puttered about the house
and then all of a sudden i felt a rush of chemicals flood my hippo campus....that fear....flight or fight feeling......i began to shake....
i rubbed my legs and tried to "talk to me" calm me with positive reminders that I am here and safe and the beast is in his cold dark place, never to harm his children again......I kept reassuring me that I was "ok"
but this attack was not going to be warded off, so i began w/ a quarter of a med...then another quarter....it took all 4 quarters to bring me back to calm...
I hated it....it was like "the beast" was trying to bollix up my holiday......I went into kitchen and cut up some tough beef (the other steaks that i knew would be tough) and i put the makings of a stew in my big crock pot......calm began to come over me as my black pit bull followed me around and let me know that she was at my beck and call if i needed her
I felt intruded upon by this ptsd "episode" it is like a giant anxiety attack.....i had trouble breathing, but made myself breath slowly and deep , self talk.....doing something good like preparing that stew that will make many meals....
then i went to bed and just breathed....did the S prayer and turned myself over to Creator........
Today i woke up and i had that icky taste in my mouth from all those hormones flooding my frontal lobe, and filling into the rest of my body, so i am drinking extra water and will exercise at the club to exhaust me so my nerves will be too tired to flair up.....
ptsd is a living hell....but i will NOT let it ruin my goals for this year.......so TODAY
called sponsor
worked step 3 big time
ate a nice lunch (slept through breakfast from exhaustion from the ptsd)
drinking lots of water
and now i am headed off to club to burn off this adrenalin and other crap that still feel in me.....
it just came at me....like BOOM....i am sipping a small wine cooler and BANG, all of a sudden i felt "disconnected" from my own body......and then the shaking...not real bad, but bad enough........i called my sponsor to go over what memory triggered this unwanted visit.......
soooo sick of this nerve damage
gonna go work out.....get happy.......not deny it, but not allow it to plant a garden either...
Thanks for letting me share
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
yikes...i can tell by my typing and sentence construction that I am not fully recovered yet, but after today, burning off all these negative chemicals i should be calmer...better.....more myself when I get home
headed off to club.....this time good work out on a machine b4 the swim and whirl pool
later gaters
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Im not psychoanalyzing, but looks like the wine cooler and n y eve combo was a massive trigger.
Good for you doing the deep slow breathing, repeating positive calmning statements and serenity prayer to get yourself back in control. Glad your dog made her comforting presence known to you, too.
You got through it, and today you are taking special care of yourself.
(((Neshema)))
I don't have PTSD, never experienced anything like you describe so I feel for you. I bet it sucks to have all those things happen to you. I'm happy you were able to control it. I also hope you continue get the help you need. No one needs to live with that stuff. Does meds help?
I'm sorry and will pray for you health...
((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I've suffered from it, too, Rose. I know it can be a humdinger that seems to come out of nowhere. Glad you're up and feeling better. I don't have many experiences with it now and they are normally very short-lived. Choosing to focus my attention and body on something mindless and physical like dishes, laundry, in silence or with music that is calming to me helps. I hope the swim was calming for you today! (((Rose)))
Nasty reaction N...what helps me is to go into spiritual, mental, emotional and physical "soft" mode. I relax everything and center on my Ki or in my culture my Na`au...center. Usually that will realign me real good. Wine cooler or anything alcohol is a NO! NO!! for me...I've had enough thank you. Happy New Year All. or Hau`oli Makahiki Ho. ((((hugs))))
(((Big Hug))) I'm working on breathing and relaxing my core, meditating, and then I try to give myself a one picture visual of the bad experience then I try and come up with a positive visual that overcomes the first one. For example, if I'm starting to panic, I sit quietly and think of things it feels like until I settle on one thing- it feels like iron claws are surrounding me and I can barely breath. Then I work on a visual how I can break away or escape from the iron claws. At first the iron claws aren't moving and I remain helpless. Later that day, a friend says her small dog chewed and shredded the crate and escaped. Fortunately, the dog wasn't hurt. But it gave me the idea that if that tiny dog could chew through her metal cage, perhaps the iron claws are not impossible to escape from too... now, when the panic starts, I can work on visualizing how I am going to release myself- the focus works to calm me.
I suffer from panic attacks too. I have learned most of my triggers but the ones that come out of nowhere like you described are the worst. I have learned what to do to calm myself but medication has changed what could have become a phobic lifestyle.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
I suffer from panic attacks too. I have learned most of my triggers but the ones that come out of nowhere like you described are the worst. I have learned what to do to calm myself but medication has changed what could have become a phobic lifestyle.
i am on Klonopin 1mg.....i try to "break them up" so as to take minimal dose......panic stuff sucks......and yea, w/out my meds, i would be disabled for sure...could never manage it w/out meds.......sorry you get this too.......it is the absolute S***ts
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Powerful post, can be so scary when you own body turns on you. Glad you had you dog thare for comfort and knew how to use your tools to cope. I suffer from fibromyalgia which they tell me causes my major anxiety disorder. I have many dogs but I have 3 pit bulls that live inside with me. It seems they can sense when I'm going to have an attack they follow me around watch me and are right thare to comfort me and draw my focus to them when it does hit. Of all the tools I have to fight it they seem to be my greatest weapon. Thank you for sharing its inspirational to hear you using your tools and dealing in a healthy manner. Keep breathing :))
I suffer from panic attacks too. I have learned most of my triggers but the ones that come out of nowhere like you described are the worst. I have learned what to do to calm myself but medication has changed what could have become a phobic lifestyle.