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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Holidays were hard- back with the Ex
Post Info TOPIC: Holidays were hard- back with the Ex
abell


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Holidays were hard- back with the Ex
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scared to say it after 6 months apart from ex-AHBF I went over to his place (his mom got for him) and told him how much i missed him... high to be around him then the next day depressed, anxiety, anger, confused... he drinks a lot nowadays since i'm not around anymore to make him hide it and try to be sober around me.. we can't really go back to the old life and old patterns because ALANON showed me a lot of things.. what does it mean to "love" an alcholic?  How do you "love" an alcoholic?  by worrying about him and enabling him and hoping he won't die???  is it possible to have "boundaries" with an alcoholic?  it's like all or nothing.  I jump back in there and start doing everything for him, or i stay away.. i just felt like i couldn't get thru the holidays alone.  i did miss him it was a relief to see him.  but his habits have not changed...  one day at a time.  it's not the end of the world, i'm not going to make it a bigger problem than it is.  Today, i focus on myself.  i really need to get to a meeting but the stupid holidays... might not be able to get to one for another week!  thank you for letting me share.



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neshema2


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 i really need to get to a meeting but the stupid holidays... might not be able to get to one for another week!  thank you for letting me share.

*************

Hey, and glad u posted.........yea there are online meets , anyway,  and yep...sounds like one is in order.......when i see myself slipping back into old patterns, that is my HP saying  "GET YOUR ASS TO  A MEETING"  and he says it LOUD b/c i can be a hard head....

at least you see it.....that is the biggest step.....you know being with an active A will only bring you hard times and heart break....I see you see that and accept it,  and holiday blues drove you over their to see him...holidays can be tough...it sucks to be alone, but as you work on you, you will see that being by yourself or in a online meet  is waaaay better than hangin out w/someone who is not healthy for you.....

hang in there.......pretty soon it will be 2014....a near year...and a bran new start......we can ALWAYS start over....



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
farmerswife


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Their are daily meetings here, M-F 9am M-S 9pm sat & sun 10am and sun 7pm. May be helpful until you can make a in person meeting. :)

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April
neshema2


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farmerswife wrote:

Their are daily meetings here, M-F 9am M-S 9pm sat & sun 10am and sun 7pm. May be helpful until you can make a in person meeting. :)

 IF my sisters radio show of which i am a part gets over with soon enough, I think Iwll attend.........i hae to man the chat room on the show and also give my two cents worth, lol, but hopefully the folks won't want to stay late in the chat room......last week i was busier than a one armed paper hanger w/lice.....hopefully tonight will be mellow



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
Mattie


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Often I found myself saying about the A the same things that he said about alcohol.  "I know it's not ideal for me but I just couldn't get through the holidays without it."  "I'll just have a little..."  (A little turns into full-blown turmoil.)  We need recovery as much as they do, oftentimes.  The up side is that we have the awareness!  Sounds like you've got the awareness too.  Take good care of yourself.



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Mimi3


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KEEP COMING BACK & HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!

WE HAVE MEETINGS IN MY AREA ON ALL HOLIDAYS:)

TRY AND SEE IF YOU CAN FIND ONE:)

HUGS TO YOU



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Cindy 
grateful2be


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We have meetings on holidays, too, if it is a regular meeting night.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
KennyFenderjazz


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Boundaries don't have to be all or nothing but they do have to be black and white.

For my AW right now we have a simple boundary with a simple consequence. No alcohol period, or she goes to halfway house immediately for detox and further counseling. Not "I'm GONNA leave you forever if you touch another drop". Although that may come in time if she were to keep trampling on the boundaries.

The boundaries exist for the benefit of two people - me to protect me and my son from the craziness and crises, and for her because it is the best possible thing for her. And it's black an white so it is simple to understand when transgression occurs.

Boundaries are also good because you can set them, tell the A, and then let them make the decision as to whether they are willing to remain within them or not. It relieves you of the burden of the "But I didn't mean to" arguments. They have the freedom to choose to transgress.

Hugs
Kenny



-- Edited by KennyFenderjazz on Wednesday 1st of January 2014 10:16:38 PM

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