The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Just curious, how did it happened)) what was your invovment? i understand the CCC thing and i understand that there is nothing i can do or say that would stop him, but i am just curious, when did u know he is for real quitting?
When they go to AA meetings 7 days a week, get a sponsor and work the steps and keep that up for a good while. If that is not happening, odds are it is BS, lies, or we'll intentioned promises not backed by necessary action to sustain recovery.
I agree with pinkchips response. Full AA particiaption, for a sustained period of time, gives evidence that the person is serious about maintaining sobriety.
I'm not sure if you are asking about the day that it is announced by the A that drinking will cease, how do you know when to believe them? You just can't. They still need to prove it to you with action, action like what has been outlined above. And so often they make that pronouncement with all the resolve in the world, but fail due to it being such a cunning disease.
My AW decided first time to stop by my family having an intervention and her going to rehab. When she came out, she was well educated, but I wasn't, having gone to a couple alanon meetings and that was it. So I wasn't really prepared to deal with a relapse.
Second time she decided to quit was at her second DUI. She is even more serious about it this time. But now I still don't trust her, it will take a long time to get that, so no, I can't yet say she isn't drinking.
But I am getting more educated on the disease and trying to keep appropriate amount of focus on myself. That is what Alanon gives. Being able to take care of yourself and not give in to craziness.
My AH has recently proclaimed he is not drinking ever again. I've heard it all before and he has never worked any kind of recovery program. Right now he's going to the religious side of things and is very involved in Christianity, which is wonderful, but it's still not recovery. What the others have said above is pretty accurate. Without accountability to another human being(or human beings), it is very easy to fall back into old habits. The same goes for us in Al Anon and that's why our own recovery program is so important.
FYI: MY AH quit drinking for 15 years before drinking again. So he can maintain long term sobriety. Unfortunately, he was never healed spiritually and it led to many other problems in our marriage. I was untreated Al Anon and he was untreated AA and there was no alcohol in our house. So, just quitting drinking is only 1 step of the process to healing and recovery. Just my .02cents.
I didn't...just suddenly stopped and then didn't return ever though had some struggles with it. My spouse stopped on the upteenth time and last time I saw her she was beautifully sober and HP had her become my metaphor for humility. She finally got herself into a good rehab and for the first two weeks wore a bag over her head and when questioned why she told the staff and her mentor, "I've come to understand that if I don't allow myself to be blindly led thru this program I will never survive". Bag over her head...picture that. Let herself be led to meetings, meals and bathrooms...Wow!! ((((hugs))))
He got a DUI. I did nothing. I didn't have AlAnon before the DUI either. He stopped because his brother (who was in AA) did a 12th step call to the jail when I informed my BIL that his brother was sitting in jail and I had no intention of helping him to get out bc I was so mad. He convinced him to go to AA with him until he started going on his own. (The AH still had one more try with vodka to convince himself he could stop with one drink..... it failed). A few years later he even said to some others, and I overheard it, that he didn't think he was "really" an alcoholic but he wasn't going to try it again. Then he got cancer in his throat. Cancer came with lots of pain and lots of pain meds plus anxiety pills plus sleeping pills.... He is mostly off them now but they are his fall-back when under stress.
I never know when his next pill or drink will be. I don't think he will ever drink again. He prides himself in being an "ex" drinker the way he is also an "ex" smoker. But the pills hit the same part of the brain. My concern is how is he treating me? How is he treating his family? How is he treating the neighbors? How is he treating his responsibilities?
Just curious, how did it happened)) what was your invovment? i understand the CCC thing and i understand that there is nothing i can do or say that would stop him, but i am just curious, when did u know he is for real quitting?
Hey V
I had to think on this b4 i could offer something even remotely cogent.......for me?? now if i get this right you wanna know when they are "for real" quitting, right???
Mine never quit...sadly they refused.....they didn't think they needed AA and my beloved brother, now is my only remaining A in my life who is active
BUT...I have had friends and acquaintences walk that AA hall and serious quitting was on their mind
how can ya tell?? if they are serious?? in any recovery???
to me it would be their commitment to the program
abstaining or working to abstain from the addiction
working with a sponsor and serious step work
meetings meeting and meetings.....
devouring the literature and i think the biggie would be
setting stuff aside while they are in that first 90 day mode where all they do is , yes, they gotta go to work and do daily duties, but program is their focus, then as they get habitized in it, yea, maybe not quite so "hot and heavy" in programme but programme is their priority because like for me as a coda and an acoa.....MY programme is MY priority......
yes, I am about to go have fun with my friends in a bit.......yes, i do pursue life, liberty and happiness like any other person in this life
BUT, i work my program at LEAST 1 hour a day....its my therapy......like exercising...I do that regularly to keep my body up......so i exercise my programme ea. day to maintain what i fought so hard to achieve
we never "graduate" we just get to a healther state and then its work to keep it.....we need to be vigilent to maintain what we changed.
I hope this made sense.
PEACE
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Well, as nothing is certain in life (but death and taxes), I cant exactly say the 2 As in my life as completely done with drinking forever, but I can tell their stories up til now.
My son started "recreational" drinking and smoking marijuana in his mid teens. As the years passed, he used them both as a way to socialize (he inherited my husbands genetic makeup-shyness, lack of confidence in social settings). His use escalated, at one point he was arrested, was ordered into outpatient treatment, then went through a few years of recovery and relapse. He is now in a recovery phase, doesnt drink or use, is working and relies on HP for strength and guidance.
My husband also started drinking as a teen, to lubricate social situations. In his 20s he discovered marijuana and psychedelic drugs (but left those behind once he finished college, though he often referred to them with fondness). Alcohol continued to be his constant companion and he considered it the perfect solution for a stressful life. His drinking esclated and diminished depending on how stressful he perceived his life to be. He denied there was a problem with his drinking (im sure you all know the reasons he gave), and most of the time even when he was stumblingly drunk, he denied he had been drinking at all.
Then one day, his son dropped in on him unexpectedly during the workday, and found his dad falling over drunk in his office. His son confronted him.....and that is what got him to finally be honest with himself about his drinking. He talked tomhis Dr, got medical help for his depression (the underlying problem), and began the road to recovery.
