The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This time of year is very difficult for me as it is for many people. But this year all the anniversaries surrounding my son and his death are really throwing me off kilter. Starting in October these 3 months are just one grief after another but December is really hard for me. My son was killed in a really horrible car wreck 8 years ago on January 11. I saw him for the last time on Christmas, his birthday is tomorrow, and he died 12 days later. Every year people have been tremendously kind to me during this time. In fact, his 3 best friends (one of which he came home to propose to on Christmas Eve) always have dinner with me sometime over the holidays. My son's dad and I also usually connect at some point along the way and I usually get my biannual call from my estranged brother. But this year...nothing from anyone. I have thought all day of calling my son's dad, just to see if he's still alive out there somewhere but I haven't.
I guess I didn't want it to be real this year. Ironically, I did get a call from my kind co-worker who wants to take me to lunch this week. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself or feel hurt but its been hard today. Thoughts, anyone?
I think it is a good idea to check in on his Dad. Maybe the others, too? Sometimes, folks think it's better if they don't bring something up unless we do. I had two friends who for years always asked me about my daughter and my grandson, but never my son. I didn't want to talk about him and they didn't want to say anything that might cause me pain. We finally "broke the ice" this year when we all gathered for dinner when one of our "gang" shared that her brother had committed suicide that past summer. I felt terrible because I had had no idea he was a drug addict until the summer when I ran into one of "our gang" at a gas station. I didn't know her brother died until months later. I would have been there for her if I knew. When she shared about her brother, I could then step forward about my own son's disease and the road it had pushed me down. We've known each other for 30 years and kept secrets trying not to cause pain for ourselves or the other. Once the ice was broken, we were able to become close again in ways we hadn't been while trying to protect ourselves or each other. We made a mistake in that.
I'm also very glad a co-worker wants to take you to lunch. Lots of hugs, CWYA.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 30th of December 2013 09:15:25 PM
(((Cwya))) I am sorry for your loss and for the sadness you experience each year. Maybe reaching out to the others would help? I would love to have you over for tea and a chat.
I am so very sorry for your loss!! And time will never take it away, we just learn how to live with it....I hope you will choose to do what is best for you & what feels right:) Listen to your insides:) Do you send your son Balloons up to heaven? We do for my granddaughter, it has helped all of us immensely!
I do understand and am sorry for your loss. I lost my son in 2007 and immediately found a"Grief web site " that offered tremendous support to those who experienced the loss of a child.
Like alanon, this site provides understanding and compassion from those who have been there and understand as few others can. We who have lost a child need to develop a "New Normal" which is so hard to do alone. Here is the link to the site if you would like to connect and feel the love and compassion.
