Most Know that I have been Helping Care for my AGram since I Found her On Mothers Day and She had a Stroke, and since then she has also taking on a Bit of Demencha (Sorry Im a Terrible Speller)  as well... it has been a Learning Experience for Me, and For her, and tho I Truly try to do My Best by her, I know in my Heart I Fall short once in awhile...

She had been Out of Town for a Week, with my Uncle, and just returned home Friday, My Aunt went down Saturday, so I went down Last night, to Share in some Christmas Spirit with her, and Gift her a Little... Upon Arriving, She is ALWAYS in Tears, asking me Why Its Been Months Since she seen me (Its usually 2-3 days with the exception of the week she was gone), and If I'm Mad at Her... So Knowing this is what I Find every time, I've some what Prepared myself for it, but it sure don't make it easy! But Once we get over that Hump, there are always more, and I was sitting in a meeting last night, after My Visit with her, (MUCH NEEDED) and the Topic was "Graditude"

Just to Show how "Sick" she Still is In Her Disease of Alcohol I Had Got her a Little thing of Hand Soap & Lotion that set in a Metal Carry Rack that she could place on the Back of Her Toilet since she doesn't have much room in her place, when she openned it, she was Over the Moon, and Ask "what Kind it was, and if She Could DRINK IT NOW!!!" :O When I Explained for the 3rd time what it was, she then Slowly lost interest...lol... She was Always Use to the Finer things in life, and Fancy Whiskey was One of them!! Funny How today Ive been Prayin she don't DRINK IT!

I Shared that it Pains me to Know she will Never Remember another Holiday, Another Birthday, Another Anniversary... but at the Same time, even tho I know I can't have "Those" holidays Back, I'm Grateful to God for the Journey! That Had I Still been Sick Myself, I would not be Open enough to Share this with her, Share ME with her! Our Holidays are Differant indeed, but NOW the Roles are Reversed, and ALL the Years As a Child She Showered Me with Gifts, & Birthday Cards, and Love, God has Now GIVEN ME, a Chance to Pay that Forward to her! At 89 she has Not Given up, at 89 when most of Her Thuoghts are not her own, not what she remembers moments apart, she has Not Given up! She has proven to be one of the Strongest Lady's I know! And My Graditude in it all is that "I" Got Sober, and in Doing So, it Allowed me to give My AGram, the Love that she had Always Given me!

Without the Support & Love of this Program, I would still be Avoiding her Illness, and My Own! Ive been here at MIP for Just Over 5yrs, and This Thursday coming I will be 5yrs IN The Rooms of Al-Anon... The Graditude I Have in that Alone is Unbelievable, but Knowing that even after 5yrs you are ALL Still Right Here for me! "One of My Biggest Fears when I Came was the Feeling of Always being Left Behind! Alone!" I Could never explain how Grateful I am for that, when Somedays I don't have the Energy to face myself, You all are here & Lift me to a Better Me! And Now I Know I Can Depend on My HP! I Know now HP was Always there, "I" Just wasn't Present in my own Life!

Start those Graditude list, a New Year is on the Way YES! BUT, We can start Over at Any Point in our Life, our Day, Each Moment, we don't have to wait for the Ball to drop, the year to Change, Or Our A's to Change, Or Get Sober, Or Be who We Want them to be.... But if We Change Ourselves and be the People we Always wanted to be, Great things Can & Will Happen for All of Us! I've Got Some Moving to do Myself, And I Intend to Do so! Starting Today! Cause so Far, God Can't Promise Me Anymore Tomorrows! Its My Today that I Got! And I Intend on Making Positive Change TODAY! Happy New Years All! No More Excuses...

Friends in Recovery

Jozie