The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been months and months since I have been here. Things got very, very bad for my family and me and then they got better. Since things got better, I forgot to keep taking care of myself through al-anon. I have found myself recently being constantly suspicious and playing detective (old habits are hard to break). My AH keeps telling me I have no reason to suspect he is using anything, but I keep reminding myself what a great manipulator and liar he was for so long.
Anyway...I am glad to be back here online. It is so good for me to read posts that remind me that this disease is his and I need to work on myself. I always tend to want to control and fix him and his problems and he doesn't want or need me to do that. I did so good for a while keeping my behaviors and thoughts in check, but I guess I have relapsed...better me than him I guess!
Thanks for being here for me. I feel comfort in knowing where I can go when I feel weak and alone.
Welcome back, Imom. Glad you're putting yourself back on the board and maybe planning on returning to meetings? It is so easy to become complacent in the program when things are going well. Slipping and sliding helps us remember that recovery is a process and never an event. You might have slid back, but you didn't lose all that you've learned. I see that you know where to go for help, that you didn't cause the disease, can't control or cure it, that his drinking his not your problem and that its important to focus on you and not on him. Glad you're here. Happy you're here actually! As Paula has often said, "We kept the light on for you."
Hey I went AWOL for a WHILE...now i am back...had some speed bumps w/my not feeling worthy and not feeling i belong, etc., just some stuff that seeped back in my "cracked" foundation that I have to keep sealing with alanon/acoa otherwise the cracks reappear and crap seeps in again.....
its like any house maintenance....keep it up on a regular basis and it stays in good shape...let it go and ya got peeling paint, busted pipes, weeds over growing, learned my lesson.......glad u decided it was time to come back
i think we get habitized enough that when, if, we do go awol, we see the seepage and we know...time to get back in programme.....our disease of coda is kept in remission, like the alkies, we have to keep our stuff in remission...and its remission...never a cure where we actually graduate.......once i accepted that, i realized that i can do other stuff..have fun....diversify my life to include some joy, but remember to work my programme too
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Glad to see you back and posting. It is a wonderful gift of this program to realize that we are never alone. That the alanon family welcomes us back, with open arms, no matter how long we have been away
I don't know if Ive shared with you before, but welcome back!
I love your metaphor Neshema about the cracks in the foundation...HAVE CEMENT PATCH, WILL TRAVEL. We all are subject to the same things as the alcoholic/addict. We all suffer from the disease of alcoholism and it is just as fatal for me as it is for him or her. When I forget that, when I rest on my laurels,boy that's when I really need to get to work on my own mess. I tend to forget that the disease of alcoholism has the same outcomes for me as for the alcoholic: jail, institution or death. There's a saying or joke or whatever I've heard at meetings. We're (alanons) lots sicker than the alcoholic. At least they're unconscious once in a awhile. We're just full on crazy 24/7. Tied to a chair and gagged used to be the only way anyone around me got any peace!
You're doing great as I see it iMOM. You pulled out your tool box, opened it up, picked what you needed and voila! You're "cookin' with gas" as us old timers used to say.
