Katy: I can't tell you what is going to happen but I can tell you that when my son was refusing to follow rehab protocol and dropping dirty - he was asked to leave the program. He wanted to come back to my house. I said "No." He had no phone. He had no money. He had no friends. He had no resources that I knew about. I just knew that if I said "yes," especially when he had dropped dirty "because the test was off," we'd be back to square one. At some point, he was able to talk a bus driver into giving him a lift to a hospital on a bus for free. He was also able to use the bus driver's cellphone to call me to let me know he was going there as he also chatted with his new "friend" the bus driver. We aren't the only person in the world who can be there in some way for our kids. Lots of encouragement and prayers for you and for your son. It's hard, but your motivation in saying "no" isn't to hurt your son or to punish him or banish him from your life, is it? It's more to get out of the way and let his HP step into the gap. We taught them when they were little that we'd drop everything to tend to them when they were sick. Sick bought them time. Sick bought them our not being sure if we should send them to school or keep them home. Sick bought them a lot of attention when they were children. When they are adults, sick doesn't bring the same benefits as it once did from Mom. But, that doesn't mean our kids don't remember we were there for them when they were sick as children. It also doesn't mean we have to keep doing what we did when they were little children, dependent on us for so much they couldn't do for themselves.

Katy I know exactly how you feel. You are not alone. My son left treatment one week ago today and with only his clothes on his back. In Nevada. And he manipulated me and of course I fell right into it. This was 4 days after he was out in Reno .. Your stronger then I was and possibly still am. You'd be surprise addicts know how to survive. My son had finally called me after all that time and told me he wanted to come home and work on him and of course promised me the world (basically said everything I wanted to hear)!! And so when he got back I dropped him off at the Salvation Army and he leaves. It's been 4 days and I can't chase him force him not continue to make me sick. They had and have choices and this disease can truly be rested if they work on it if they really want it. My son went through the panic attacks and anxiety tht is all part of withdrawals. Your son will call you.. Please know that !! But please don't fall into the same trap I did. And it is killing me. All I can do is give him to god. And pray pray pray. I had a young guy tell me at church one day. It took his mom 3 times to finally say to him I'm done with you go live your life and when you have some sobriety underneath your belt then we can start a relationship. He told me that was the best thing his mom ever did. He said he was homeless eating out of garbages begging for money and he knew he was better then that. He is 22 has 2 years of sobriety a job and a great relationship with his mom and lives in a sober living house. He said to me there is hope !! I truly believe that. I have faith and the hope. That's all we can do is pray and give them to god there were his children first before ours.. He will call you.. I am living and walking in your shoes. Your not alone. I'm learning the tough love is what I have to give to help my son survive. Because in all heart of heart they don't want to be like this. And we know our kids are great kids any addict or alky are. It is there disease. Pray!! Lots of prayers!! I'll pray for you and your son. We all need prayers !! God bless.. But your not alone ..

Katy,

Prayers for you and your son. If it helps, I think you did the right thing.

 

Tricia

We raise them the best way we can. Teach them things that hopefully help them build a foundation.

It's time for them to use their own wings. IF they fall they do. It's up to them to get back up.

It is hard not knowing. But that is part of having all our kids leave home. Even kids who are not A's may have parents who are having a hard time letting go.

I have let go, but I still need him to check in. There is nothing wrong with that. I spoke to my Mother all the time, but saw her almost every sunday.

All we can do is hope, they can make good choices for themselves.... whether we think they are or not. Who knows what they will learn.

Remember we have NO idea what they are up to. Sadly they lie and manipulate. He could have met someone and wanted to go to their place. or maybe he is in the hospital or went to a clinic.

so what are you going to do for you? hugz,debilyn\

 

Now we are both at the same place. My son is living with his dad. All I know at this point it's my time to keep to my plan of getting healthy as possible and never get on that merry-go-round again. His dad can handle from now on.

You are loved Katy ((( hugs )))

Evidence that they know just where to go when they need help. The nearest enabler, I think thats what we are all trying hard not to be.

Sorry you are in this situation with him. A bottom needs to be sufficient to last and that is a terrible thing to watch. You got great esh. Especially from Gaby and that shows me this does work knowing how tortured she was (and still is to a degree) but she has it together enough to give you the most sensible and caring feedback. Awesome.