The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The old me, without AlAnon, would have gone ballistic without a call from my recovering addict on Christmas Day - but thanks to the program, I was able to let it go and remind myself that WHY he didn't call is none of my business and that (hopefully) he's trying to work out his issues in his own way in his own time and that there's nothing I can do to help him besides staying out of his way - so that's exactly what I did - he didn't call me, and I didn't call him to ask why he didn't call me - I didn't call him to "punish" him or anything like that, I just figured that I'm the Dad and it's his place to call me.
Sure, I was very sad that he didn't call, and of course I wondered what is going on in his life - heck, I even wondered if he was still alive, but I didn't butt in - LOL, now I'm waiting for the "Changed attitudes can aid recovery" stuff to kick in . . .
I don't think I have Serenity yet, cause inside of me I still worry, but at least I am trying to do what I think will lead to Serenity.
Fake it till you make it, you are doing well, the way I see it is I gave my son my power, so I had to claim it back, it sounds like thats what you are doing. I think your right its his move, he will be wondering why hasnt my dad came running like he usually does and this is a good thing for him, he needs to be the son again anf you are helping him take back his proper role within your family. Im working on than too. Im claiming back my power and my changed attitude has definately helped my whole family, still got lots of recovery work to do though.x
It's tough I know. So many years I go without a call to say Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas. I just have to remember my son is sick and things like that are not on his mind right now. I can only pray someday it will change and I can see my loving and considerate son again. Right now he's not the son I have known.
Take care of you and detach with love and kindness. It will make a difference down the road.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
lol tex .. the changed attitudes .. i get it but it's already changing and already aiding .. think of the confusion anger increased blame criticism shame chaos that could and would have shown up with a force and with a reactive call .. it will get better .. attitude is what we tell ourselves .. not just a feeling .. i can tell myself the repetitive diseased words or i can read, share, sponsor, be sponsored, pray meditate .. etc.. all up to me .. sorry you are going through this .. it is sad .. your feelings definitely match the behavior around you .. i used to feel something for years and automically assume it was All my stuff .. today i see sometimes just feeling what's their .. their shame which is really just the disease they aren't able to control cure change .. used to always think it was mine as in something was wrong with me .. merry christmas ..
I guess one of the other bad feelings for me with this is not knowing what's going on in his life - I know for sure that it's HIS life and I certainly can't make him do what I think he should do - but I guess with a history of addiction and making bad decisions and seeming to be a cop magnet (driving issues), the stories start creating themselves in my head like a pop up thunderstorm - until I remind myself that there isn't anything that's wrong, necessarily - I just don't know.
I also find it odd how I'm able to put that behind me and when I look at it and remind myself that it was yesterday - today was relatively quiet as far as my son goes - silent, actually - I continue to pray for him, and me, and life goes on.
