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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> ugh, melancholy day, but serene
Post Info TOPIC: ugh, melancholy day, but serene
Debilyn


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ugh, melancholy day, but serene
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My son came to pick me up today. I was going to take him to eat. Of course that was sorta a dumb idea. One place open, he does not like crowds, standing in line etc. So before we left the parking lot, we helped this gal and her teen girl who was rolling her eyes soooo embarrassed, jump her car. Guess it was where we were suppose to be.

Safeway grocery was open. I had been out of everything, got paid today. Was so glad. He drops me off. All was ok, atmosphere was strange. People acting all huffy, hurried. When I went to check out...mind you I am cleaned up,make up hair done, smiling as usual...I ask the guy in front of me to pull my cart up as I was feeling sick and needed to dash to the seltzer right by us.

I go back and here is this guy pulling my cart out andgoing in. I said ummmI was there. He barked,"YOU should not have left the line!!" I said nicely back, "I don't need to be directed." Didn't that guy tell you I was right there?" He immediately turns read, pulls his cart out I said hey its ok no problem but he starts yelling about his having a bad day, put his hand up I think he has mellowed out and wants to shake my hand. I go to hold his hand, he yells don't touch me! I said I was just apologizing and going to shake your hand. The poor young gal with him just said to me its ok its ok. I immediately turned around.

Al Anon hit me. It's HIS problem not mine. Chances are he was an A with that red face and manerisms. I started to take his bs in my gut and thought NO NO NO its HIS problem. It sorta hung out in my tummy.

I was glad my son did not come in. I would not be too sure this guy woulda been on the ground. Was so weird. Shoulda stayed home and starved till later...

It's amazing to me how many things I have learned here how to approach or respond to people. I honestly stopped, got quiet and looked him in the face. It was like looking at pure hatred. Now I am very well girl next door looking. I don't know what he saw in me and I don't care.

saying what I meant, not responding to his anger, felt right. Turning around when I felt I had said my peace felt right. Years ago I would have had tears running down my face.

Anyway Mac puts stuff in his car, we start to go. I see the guy and the gal. Guy was late fifties. I said run over that guy. Then stupidly told Mackenzie what happened. He said That guy, that guy over there, started to slow down NOOOOOOOOOOO its ok its ok. It is his problem. I honestly took care of it....

whoa check that debilyn wait till you are lOOOONg gone before you tell your all muscle tall son when someone is rude to his short, limping some, tender mom...yikes!

lol anyway I am venting. I just cannot imagine facing that every single day!! I remember listening and watching my ex AH when he was being obnoxious thinking, does he know how dumb, and ridiculous he looks and sounds. I felt  a sense of wonder how I just could not relate.

Thank goodness for Al Anon tools that taught me it was the disease talking, this was a symptom of that.

You know i think when you grow up in a very good childhood, loving family who NEVER put you down, it makes it much easier to tell them to get out. Even to have the courage to say get out is interesting.

But many of you stay and I do understand that too. How did I get here....was just venting. I always say I have a lot of respect for you who are in these scarey relationships, and have a plan going to get out. Even if it takes you three or four times of leaving and coming back. I get it.

seems funny coming from me. But no way could I or would I leave, due to financial, my animals, my home, my neighbors, right away. The fear of leaving my home,  has to be smaller than the fear of getting out there and taking care of me.

man that crabby very unhappy guy sure brought out some thoughts for me. i will NEVER understand how anyone can say mean things to others.

sigh. love, debilyn 



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grateful2be


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Hi, Debilyn: Thanks for the share. It was such a good example for me of some of our slogans: Q-TIP, Respond not React, Let It Begin with me and Progress not Perfection. Sorry your trip to the store was a little more unpleasant than you'd expected, but it sure looked to me like you were treating yourself with both dignity and respect. Love to you, too, Debilyn.

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Cathyinaz


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Good share my friend. You can be grateful for your loving son that came for you and only you.

God bless...

((( hugs )))


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ilovedogs


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Your story is one of the reasons that I start disliking the holiday season: crabby people in a rush being rude to people who don't deserve it. UGH! So sorry, Debilyn, I hope you have a better day today. HUGS!

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MeTwo2


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I love that you were able to see it's His problem .. I can also relate to the girl saying it's ok who secretly might have wanted to die of embarrassment ... i think back to the line in the blue how alanon works book to "i no longer wanted to go out; i was afraid to risk another public humiliation." always thought it was his .. go figure to find through alanon it was mine ..

I was also reminded of what if you had gone back home and robbed yourself of the greater good in the day .. the beautiful feeling of the day sometimes in general .. Christmas is the one time of year for me if I were to share it with my higher power only curled up on the couch with my tree lights, decorations and christmas movies, I would still Feel as though I'm having the time of my life .. the serenity & the grace in general ..

reminded this morning anger and meanness are unhealed resentments .. i must be healing to a degree .. i see the anger lessening some Even with my own family .. i still feel the lingering grief though of things I still need to clean .. but I also see some joy and even acceptance coming to a smaller degree .. i see that part of the reason i am so blown away by the disease and used to believe Everything I hear is because I'm honest in general .. would like to think i am there but i am still smoking and i do know as far as my own addiction goes there is nothing more dishonest .. work work and work to do in me but grateful you and others are here .. take care deb

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MeTwo2


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how bout this .. i am Sooo willing to be honest .. because lol the truth sets Me free .. even when it hurts first .. =)

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PP


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(((Debilyn)))



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Paula
tiredtonite


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Sorry to hear you had that experience. I've noticed that people have been really tense in stores, on the road etc. and ya know what.... I've had my moments impatience too. Stress can really make people more vulnerable to reacting inappropriately instead of responding courteously. Some people are more over the top than others because they may not have a good starting point in the first place. You can give yourself for respecting his boundary although you might not have liked the way he expressed it. It's clear he didn't want to be touched and you backed off. You detached, focused on what you were there to do which was to buy groceries and left him to figure himself out.  (((hugs))  Hope the rest of your day was better.  TT



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