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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Wow, it has been staring me in the face for 8 years, but now I get it.
Post Info TOPIC: Wow, it has been staring me in the face for 8 years, but now I get it.
Jen61


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Wow, it has been staring me in the face for 8 years, but now I get it.
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It has been an interesting eight years for me and my A.  I was in denial for a long time that he really had a problem.  I wanted to fix it and really thought I could.  I did start going to Al-Anon meetings almost 8 years ago which I do think saved my life and sanity. I have completed step 1 and have two sponsors. I have also gone to counseling on and off. Over the 8 years with 2 DUI's, 2 alcohol poisonings, losing license, classes for 52 weeks, attorney fees, some AA meetings (unsure if he was told by the court to go or went on his own), two different counselors (one was too young and the other one was an atheist, but a recovering alcoholic two excuses I know) and the latest a man who has been sober for over 20 years that will just talk to my husband.    They have had different times to meet in person, but that has not happened yet. At least he has called him, but usually it is when I ask him too.  And yes, I was responsible for getting the two counselors and the man who will talk to my husband.  Again, I was trying to control the situation and trying to fix it.  My husband is hearing impaired so it is hard for him to talk on the phone, and I get that, but he can talk to friends on the phone but cannot get the yellow pages out to find help.  He knows I will do it for him. So last night I brought up Gary (man on the phone) and he said he talked to Gary and that he could not meet with him until after the holidays.  I could see it in his face that this will never happen.  There will always be an excuse.  I had Garys phone number on the fridge and just took it down. 

I am not telling this story to say hooray for me and boo to my husband, but for me to really see what is going on in black and white.   Things have changed for the better over the 8 years.  He is not driving and drinking; he is not passing out all over the house and outside; he has become less verbally abusive; he drinks way less, but the situation is the same.  He had not admitted he really needs help nor has he sought help out.

It is totally up to me to get myself together and not my husband.  I cannot make him go to meetings, talk to someone or read the books, but I can do that for myself.  This online site has been a godsend to me and I get so much out of it.  I love the meetings and the message board.  If I can get just one little thing out of the meetings or message board each day I feel like I am on my way to become a healthier saner person. 

Cathy from Arizona wrote about a site called Stories of Recovery.  I have listened to two of the stories.  In listening to the second one she says she was sicker than the alcoholic.  I guess that is all of us really.  We stay, we try to fix, we wonder, we think of the old times, etc.  It is up to us to get healthy.  2014 will be a better year for me because I will make sure it is.

Thanks for listening and I hope all of you have a nice Christmas.



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Cathyinaz


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Merry Christmas Jen

I too have spent a very long time trying to fix my son which I have finally discovered this year is not going to fix a thing. My son is safe for the moment and I'm working on me harder than ever.

The Stories of Recovery is just another avenue for reminders to continue to take care of us and know we are not alone.

I pray 2014 will be a year of recovery for all of us here and around the world. We can have the courage to change if we want it bad enough.

You have a wonderful day and may HP take your hand and guide you down the right path.



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Jen61


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Thanks Cathy. I want the same for you.

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Jerry F


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Aloha Jen and Merry Christmas...Thanks for the share.  Nice growth move taking the phone number down.  Allowing him the dignity to have his own recovery...what a gift.  ((((hugs)))) smile



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Jen61


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Thanks Jerry. You are so wise. Hope you are having a nice Christmas~


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Debilyn


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Good for you to have a good ah ha moment and see and believe we really can do nothing. In everything that someone really wants, they truly feel more proud when they give it or get it for themselves. We need to give that chance.

As the A progresses, they do not need as much alcohol to get them to their level of comfort. I wonder as the A gets older they finally have had it with working their program and want to do what they are urged to do.

I hope you find serenity, that peace that you really can find. If he is treating you better, and you can detach with love from his disease, believe me glean this time to be with him if you can.

I do not regret doing that with my ex AH. I miss my husband befor he came out of surgery a monster. I don't remember it exactly. But I know we used to be so happy.

Such a wonderful share thank you. love,debilyn



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jen61


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Thanks everybody. Debilyn, you brought tears to my eyes. Jerry, I love what you said about allowing him the dignity to have his own recovery. That was very powerful for me to read. And Cathy, thanks again for finding the site Stories of Recovery. I just got done listening to Bo speak and wrote down quite a few things that he said.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Wow, it has been staring me in the face for 8 years, but now I get it.