Merry Christmas all. I decided to go to A's family Christmas more for myself than anything, I don't want to ruin this holiday for people who have done a lot for me and my son. Let A ruin it fine, but his mother has been good to me. If A is acting out that's on him, my plan in that case is to leave my son at home so he doesn't have to go through the meat grinder, go and drop off the gifts, tell them I can't stay long and come home. Blessing off all blessings my dad is coming to see us Friday so I doubt A will start anything, if he does I have people here to support me and I will feel safer w my dad here. A is just awful poor me pity party right now, I am ignoring it and have a lot to be thankful for. Handing it over and not reacting have been wonderful the last few days, it is so nice not to be obsessing over this crazy stuff. Note to self, last Christmas I thought I somehow did something wrong that caused A to go off the deep end, this year he is just as grinchy as last and you know what, its not me I haven't really even been around for him to blame his awful mood on. I feel peace and excitement as most of the day I will be spending with my own family tomorrow, and if he starts calling me drunk later I will just turn the phone off. This is the best Christmas Eve I can remember in four years. Thank HP and I will be thanking him and grateful for this peace instead of the crazymaking cycle with A. Prayers for all tonight, no matter what chaos surrounds the A there is finally some peace in my heart which has been a long time coming.