When i was last on this board....b4 the long MIA trip I did, I had no probs thinking I belonged here bc I was wading in A's....Oh no...not marriage...but my family.....i was letting my brothers and yes, dear friends, "get to me" and so i needed alanon BIG tme

then I go AWOL  and this last comeback has been one of discovery about me.....I would be on, then off, then on again  bc I was in this struggle....

I got rid of my husband A's.......I distanced myself/detached w/love from my brothers....cut out the dry drunks who were "ruining my day"   so I come back here, Kinda after I clean out the "closet of my life" and I am thinking.....

"Gee do i still belong???"  I always struggled w/ feeling I belong , anyway,  and this was a new struggle for the same ole step 4 glitch that I guess is still there.......NOT feeling like I am part of the family......

I am not talking about the "good ole boys/girls" club,  I just struggle w/ME and my "do I belong" thingy

well?? of late,  (thank you Creator for these treasured folks)  I have been trading pm's with gals and guys who ALL encouraged and told me in so many different ways that they are glad I am here and that I DO offer up something worth while

this goes waaay back to the childhood thingy where nothing I did was going to be acceptable...nothing i said would be worth a dam......

and I am still to a degree, carrying that FALSE information fed to me when I was young.......SLOWLY I am undoing it and thanks to so many of you guys, it is a steady progress....

Yes, I am pro separation from A's who are refusing to get into recovery and especially those who are abusive in ANY way, so i must watch my posts when, if, I ESH one who is not removing themselves from this...it is not my business....it is not my life....I am NOT in their shoes.......so I shall say my esh and DETACH.....when children are being harmed bc of this, i get triggered....Old flashbacks come to mind about my mother who had DOZENS of chances and people who would help her leave him and she chose to stay and look at us kids......AGAIN....not my business....not my right to impose MY anything but ESH and then DROP IT!!!! 

My upfront, tell it like it is style may offend folks but my intent is not to harm, but to help.....I know I am about as subtle as a plane crash, but  that has always been me....tell it like it is....cut to the chase...and I am , I believe, allergic to BS....i was that way with my kids and they both have not attempted to kill me, lol, so i must have done something right bc the older one and i are very very close...she is her mama's girl.....daughter #2 is a dad's girl and she has issues.....needs ACOA....dad is still drinking and she still puts him on a pedestal  while, I, the sober one who has been there for her,  held her to me when she gave birth, cleaned up after her when ill,  oh i am the one she wants to "smack down" ..........go figure......I have accepted it....it is what it is....I can't accept the unacceptable behaviour, so I cut off contact...she was bringing out the worst in me and I did not like what I was seeing in ME......this is something she has to work out while I have detached and am making my own life.....volunteering and fitness club as well as my work will keep me from being lonely and will stimulate my mind in a good way....

so yea, I DO belong to this community.......I give my ESH to you all, equally, and from the same heart and the same truth.....Just like you guys do for me.....those of you you esh me or pm me have helped me little by little straighten out my act....and even those of you with whom we dont' exchange much, if anything,  I read your stuff and I learn something all the time......so isn't that what it is all about???  giving/receiving.......teaching/learning

I come into this program NOT with an attitude of to "know" b/c that closes my mind to new ideas......I come here with an attitude of to "learn"   and to share what I learn w/others........

I want to thank all you ladies and gentlemen who took the effort to help me see that i am not the reject my parents and  sister (parents are out of my life through death.....the sister is out of my life because I started wearing garlic around my neck )   had said that I was....that was THEIR inventory they were projecting to me.....THEIR stuff.....NOT mine and from this day forward, thanks to this board...the ACOA board....

I am tossing off All FALSE info about me, gonna watch for the mind trips i can do to myself.....I call it the  ittee bittee shittee committee.......I am gonna pay more attention to those lying voices who tell me..."oh you are a reject...you don't belong......"  I will not accept that as my truth....

So...that said....I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New year and may the recovery continue and may we be even better next year