The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yes, today is Christmas eve! I am not going to be on here tomorrow. The stress is lifting! My husband & I are getting along. We actually went out for Mexican last night & it felt good to look at him across the table. He is my rock! I don't ever want to take him for granted again. Sometimes he seems like the only family I have. Sometimes I know that this is true. Sitting here in the library it is actually quiet so I can think. I am so grateful for the ending of this year. I have said to many people that I don't want to face next year. Guess what? I am going to have to face it! I am not very successfully living one day at a time. I am so far into tomorrow it makes me ill. Is it OK to look forward to tomorrow? After all it is Christmas, right? I am not going to spoil mine or anyone else's day! I can only enjoy the time that I spend w/ my friends & get to know them better.
The reason why I feel that I can spoil someone else's day is because my mom & I have a hard time being there for each other every year w/o someone feeling hurt! It is usually me. So, I am grateful that my mom is w/ my family this year. I can't believe I just uttered those words in type on here. I usually miss her a lot. But, just before I came here, my mom called & for just a few minutes we talked & then I told her I needed to take a shower. I really was taking care of me. I didn't feel like saying what I really felt. The loser comment is still haunting me. I was going to say, Are you sure you want to talk to a loser? Now that I got that out, I am going to move on to more positive & happy things.
As to the "loser" comment that appears in your post - this is what I believe - there are no winners and there are no losers - that's a mental construct that I have experienced as damaging to a human being. It is a competitive term that has no use except in sports and some games. The truth to me is that ALL human beings are doing the best they can with what they have to work with at the time. They grow in their HP's time and in their own ways. You are a human being who is growing in this program one day at a time at your pace with the unconditional love and guidance of your HP. Don't let anything or anyone tell you different. Folks can say whatever they want. We don't have to buy into it - especially when it is downstroking to us. Folks who love themselves don't call others' losers. (((K)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Wednesday 25th of December 2013 12:46:11 PM
