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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ABF came home tonight in a great mood. "Now I know you might not believe this" he says. "But I've come to a big decision".
He sounded very serious. I was all ears and actually a little bit worried.
"As of midnight, on New Years Eve, I'm not going to drink or smoke anymore" he said sombrely as he cracked open a beer.
"Goodness!" I said and went back to what I was doing. "Yeah well, I'm going to really try this year" he said weakly and went off to his room to drink himself silly.
Oh just lol. Perhaps I sound heartless but he's made the same speech EVERY SINGLE YEAR since I first met him. He made his announcement about 6 hours ago and now he's legless and can't form words properly. Because of course, since he's quitting booze FOREVER next week, he deserves to live it up first! I had forgotten about the annual "drink and be merry for next week I will be reborn" sham. He will keep this up- drinking himself demented and celebrating his wonderful choice until EXACTLY midnight on New Years Eve, when he will announce that "since I'm already drunk I'll start it from when I wake up tomorrow". And then he'll wake up and drink first thing because after all, he has the day off and no-body DARE ever mention his BIG DECISION ever again.
Well, far be it from me to deny him his routine. "I'm quitting on New Years Eve" is his greatest excuse to get plastered all year and he really doesn't get much joy out of life so who am I to challenge it? I can't make him want better for himself. I'm off to my mother's tomorrow to spend my first Christmas without him. He made the choice, a few weeks ago, when he said "I don't want to go to your family Christmas this year. None of them like me anyway". He says that every year but this year I didn't beg or indulge his pity-party. Because really, it's best for everyone. So I just said OK and made my plans without him. I feel good about it.
Anyway forgive me posting about the A but it made me giggle. Does he really think I buy this nonsense?
It sure is a different set of eyes to see all the nonsense with isn't it.
So glad you are able to stand outside of the insanity instead of getting sucked right into it.
:)
Have a lovely Christmas with your family <3
Perhaps they are part of a franchise? I have the Australian Drinker/Smoker/Game-Addict and you have the American version? Like the Wiggles. Only way less fun.
I always felt so sorry for him at Christmas because his family are pretty dysfunctional and no-one ever gave him a gift or wished him a happy Christmas. He spent Christmas Day alone every year getting drunk. It was actually me that decided, 7 years ago, that he should visit his mother (4 hours away) at Christmas (they never did Christmas before) and so we made a huge voyage after lunch with my family and I spent a fortune taking over food and cooking a roast dinner etc so that they could have a "proper Christmas". I don't know what exactly motivated me to do this but it became a routine and each year since, I have been expected to turn up to his mothers house with him, armed with food and gifts for his mum...always paid for out of my own pocket....the last 3 years his brothers came along too and it seems to have become a family event now. One year his brother hosted it; that was fantastic. But aside from that year I am always expected to pay for everything...one year I even hired a car as we didn't have one running at the time...I pay for all of the food, the gifts for everyone...this year I decided that I just don't want to attend as it is draining and all I get in return is a night of being stuck at his mothers house while he gets drunk and she cries and tells me what I should do to help him. I go home broke, exhausted and wishing I had never thought of the idea. So this year, I decided that I don't want to do it anymore. Now they aren't getting together at all and A and his mum are both upset. (He could just get on a train and go and see her, nothing is stopping him). So this is where my meddling got me. Silly codependant Melly from 7 years ago decided that "everyone needs a proper Christmas". Now A is all depressed and on a bender (he would be anyway) and his mum is terribly disappointed and planning to come here. But if they seriously can't organise it without me footing the bill and coordinating everything then...
Feeling moderate guilt here. It will pass.
-- Edited by Melly1248 on Monday 23rd of December 2013 05:02:57 PM
Hehe yes, I see how ridiculous that all is now that I write it down. A bit of residual guilt now that I have given up "MAKING EVERYONE HAPPY WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT".
lol.
Well, Melly, as usual I laughed out loud at your comments. Gosh, sister, you have a way with words that just lights up my life with the sound of my own laughter.
Now, to be more serious. I see he is doing what he has always done and will get the same results. You, on the other hand, will not be doing what you've always done and are already experiencing different results.
Thank-you all. Once I wrote down those feelings, they made a lot more sense (and seemed a lot more silly). They never did Christmas before because they couldn't be bothered. While I was madly spending money and jumping through hoops and cooking and obsessing, they played along and had some fun. But it was never important to THEM to spend Christmas together. It was important to ME that they spend Christmas together. If it mattered to them, they would be doing it whether I was there or not. I am not some divinely appointed Christmas Fairy put on earth to spread good will and glad tidings and roast potatoes to everyone that seems glum.
I'll be away for a couple of days so I wish everyone a lovely day tomorrow, wherever you are and whatever you are doing
WHAT!!!!!!!!!?????????????? Well, (hand on hip), if you're not the appointed Christmas Fairy responsible for handing out roast potatoes to glummers, just who can we blame for no Christmas food, glad tidings or spreading good will? I'm aghast! Now, I have to rethink everything I've ever believed about the Christmas Fairy. (Of course, I never even knew there was one until now. But, still............!)
I wonder if this is how these things get started? Like next year, I'll be browsing Christmas cards and come across one that says "The Christmas Fairy Is Coming To Town" with a picture of a fairy that looks like me- (slightly overweight and wearing an ACDC T-shirt) flying through the air on her electric bicycle with a big sack of roasted potatoes that I am sprinkling over crowds of glum children....
heehee OK everyone tell me to shove off now because if I don't get organised and get out of here I'm going to miss my bus.
And to you, too, Melly of ours! Merry Christmas. Considering the weight of potatoes falling with the help of gravity, we may need to build potato shelters for the children before next Christmas. Have a wonderful, wonderful time with your family. Your MIP family will be waiting to hear about your experiences when you return!
Melly, love the lightheartedness you bring to a serious subject that affects us all here. I can completely understand. I hope you have a blessed Christmas at your mom's and that your bf enjoys his as he chose to do so for himself. Hugs!
....many many blessings.