The material presented
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just got through talking to my daughter on skype ,talked about them getting out of military and she seems to think there no security for them here in the states,no jobs,no good schools,no nothings ,Ha i said she was all wrong that she and her little ones and hubby neede to just stay where their at ,england,japan next its been 7 yrs and ive seen them maybe 7 days at the most my only g/babies and now their ages 7 ,9 and 13 yrs old boys,they never got to know me and i told my daughter that family would pull together and help them to get on their feet here that im sure of.i keep hurting inside and out and my heart stays heavy in my lost for my daughter and g/sons ,i guess life wasnt meant to be for me at all seems ,im all alone here and i get soo very lonesome for my kids.times it seems to unbareable to go on with life,depression worsens saddened more .thanks for allowing me to vent .hugs and bear hugs lookingup
Hi, Your daughter doesn't sound stubborn or spoiled to me. It sounds like she is taking care of herself and making decisions that are right for her family. That is something to be grateful for, you have a daughter to be proud of, I mean it takes courage to live with her family all around the world like she is. Having said that, I can imagine how much you miss your family. It could be that you need to expand your horizons, can you go visit her in the future? or in the short term maybe you could look at getting yourself busy in the new year, take some classes, learn something fun, meet new people. Your daughter is not to blame for your unhappiness and loneliness and only you can do something about it. Take what you like and leave the rest.x
This is indeed a difficult time of year, Remembering the First Step, I am powerless over others, I must then move on to take care of myself and my sadness. I find if I increase my alanon meetings, connect with others who understand as others cannot not, my sadness and depression lifts.
I love THE JUST FOR TODAY BOOKMARK - It helps me to become centered
JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.
JUST FOR TODAY I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will lean something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
JUST FOR TODAY I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
Keep coming back here and connecting You are not alone
Our son is far away also and does not want to return to this country if he can help it. Does that hurt us?Yes it does but he has to build a life separate from ours. We are getting older and really do not have all that much time left and he has a life to live. So we are reaching out to friends this Christmas and he is celebrating with his friends. Not the way I had planned things for sure. He was supposed to be living just down the road with a lovely wife and two kids and we would visit back and forth. SIGH! But life has a way of getting in the way of our plans.
Plan a visit with your daughter- it is easier for you to go than for her to bring the whole family over. Do not make her feel guilty for doing what she thinks is best for her family. And, if you can't afford to fly, skpe with her and your grandchildren, send them letters and cards and love. We cannot afford to fly overseas to Africa, nor would my husband's health issues allow it, but we keep in touch daily through facebook and email. Probably more so than when he lived a hundred miles away. And Betty, I am going to practice your Just For Today's.
thank yall for your esh,really helpful and betty your just for today was and is great rules to go by seemed to help give me peace its hard going at this all alone for i have nobody to share my life with husband passed away 2008 and i cant fly.i stay as busy as one can possibly stay but it still dont make up for the loss of my kids ,i know i must be sounding selfish but when my daughter says that her husband wants out of military badly and then she comes back and says that people tell them that theres no jobs for him ,bad schools etc... i 1st get my hopes up then lose all site of hope when my daughter comes back and says all that theres no hope for them comeing back to the states that to is a lie. thank you for again letting me ramble on n on.love yall chinup
It is understandable that you are upset. Remember the Military has counseling services available to personnel and their families. I would suggest that she and hubby connect with this service before they make any drastic decision They do have the obligation to live their own lives and I would pray that they make the right choice.
My son is in the military and lives in Japan with his wife and 2 children. They are 2 and 3. This time of year is so hard to be away from any family...especially children and grandchildren. My son married a girl from Japan and they have lived there since 2008. We have been lucky enough to travel there about 4 times. They have been home twice since he has been stationed there. Once when they had the tsunami and this past summer. My son's orders will change around june, 2015 and will probably have to leave there which will be taking her away from her family. I think she would stay if at all possible. I am selfish in thinking that her family has had their turn and now it is time for us. Even when they do move back to the states it will probably be in California which is a 5 hour plane trip from where we live. But that beats the heck out of a 14 hour plane ride. He will be ready for retirement shortly after that move. My husband just turned 64 and I will be 61 soon. We sure would like to get to know them little guys before they get too old. Also with them being in Japan they speak mostly Japanese. When they were home in July you could tell they were picking up the english language very quickly. I don't think it is being selfish to want your children to move closer for you to get to know your grandchildren if it is at all possible for them. My mother is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's disease right now. If I did not live near her my children would have never know their mom-mom. I really try hard not to have any expectations because in the long run they have to do what is best for them. Thank God for Skype!
I agree with el-cee....this young lady is using her head, and taking care of herself and her family...She has the right to stay where she wants and she is right about this country not having jobs....My SIL whom I call my SON works his own business as painter, carpenter, construction...VERY talented and honorable and wonderful man and its terrible finding work, even with HIS reputation...
If he and my daughter #1 , both of whom I adore, told me "mom, we got plenty of work offered in CA (just expample) and we are gonna move so "N" can work more steady", yes, i would cry and miss them, but in NO way would I call them selfish for needing to take care of themselves
We raise our children up, we train them as best as we can and then they get out either to school or marriage or just working and living on their own and we somehow get this notion that we "own them"..We don't....Creator owns them...We are just the vessels , used by Creator, to raise them up w/as much love and good influence as we can...Then they are on their own....
They are their own spirits with rights to their own choices and I respect that....
If I were you, I wold make my own way, my own life, with alanon, working the steps w/a sponsor and practicing the slogans, working my program LOADS of meetings, making my OWN way
I have a daughter #2 who lives next door, and i can't have contact w/her bc of her abusive treatment to me...I never see my grandkids, and i accept it...I made the choice of no contact w/her after years of abuse and trying to "change her" when I knew I could not, but its hard, letting go, but LET GO, i did.....
this Christmas I will be on phone w/my sponsor, talking about whose cooking what and maybe throw in some reocvery stuff, but for the most part, sharing our mutual love for each other and the 30 plus years we have had together.....also on Christmas I will be with a family of whom I have been a part for 20 plus years.....his baby son, now 12 is my grandson in my heart.....we adopted each other when he was little.....I will enjoy him and his dad and big sisters this holday....
I also joined a fitness club and I applied to an animal shelter to volunteer......I don't own my kids or dictate to them or impose MY wants re: THEIR lives bc to do so is robbing them of walking their journey, learning their lessons and so on....I give my kids my ESH and I tell them maybe "oh i experienced that and thsi is what happened" or i might say "so and so did this when that happened" I give them my "take" and then I LET IT GO.....but to suggest where they live to support themselves?? NEVER!!
I hate it that my close daughter #1 is so far away....I miss her...I miss my boy (son in law) my heart hurts i miss them, but they are where they are bc that is where, at this time, they are meant to be and far be it for me to interfere......
I do hope you work your program and learn that the only life we can manage/control is our own......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hi. I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely right now. Christmas can be a lonely time of year for a lot of us. I've helped myself with loneliness sometimes by volunteering at places where people have no family or are shut ins. Buying little gifts for neighbors or baking them cookies helps, too. Buying scarves and gloves and handing them out to homeless adults with a friend from inside our cars can bring a lot of joy to us because they bring winter warmth to adults in need who will bless us with their thanks.
We can't always have what we want in life, but we can find ways to enjoy our lives with or without family members present. We're truly never alone. There are all sorts of ways to light up our own lives and help ourselves feel less lonely.
yep i so love all your replies ,i do so need meetings its been a way long time since ive had a meeting alot has happened since my last alanon meeting i could write a book,its time i do volunteer work i do help sick people out takeing them to dr appt.etc.and anyone that needs a helping hand im here,it just gets really lonesome being a single mom and single grandma without my kids,its just been way to many years without them and im starting to see my ageing anyway its hard to deal with all alone thats why i have yall to talk to it helps me to hear all of yalls stories here i thank you each and everyone for all your wonderful esh and thanks for being here for me .lookingup and trying (hugs)
You are more than a Mom and a Grandma! You are a woman who has gained wisdom from life experience and has much love to give and to receive! You have probably endured much, loved much, seen much and learned much! There are children in our school systems who don't have anybody to read to them, to listen to them, or to encourage them. There are young women who have lost their Moms and are looking for more mature women to mentor them or simply to support them. Maybe you're the one a child or a younger woman is waiting for to enter their lives? Glad you're here. Glad you're going to return to meetings, too. There may be somebody there who needs a sponsor and your hers?
Thanks for all this great esh'i could not survive or make it without all of you here you all have been a great blessing to me over and over again throughoutthe years,hugs chinup
