The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have prayed and surrendered to where I can't help my son. I have heard nothing as of right now. I know he knows to call me even collect to tell me that he is ok. I know there are churches or homeless shelters he can go to.. But I have to think of my family I have to take care of especially my 8 year old daughters that prays every night for her brother.. She knows nothing.. I plan on keeping it that way.. Tonight I will get ready and go to a Christmas party. I will continue to pray for me and my son and all who is walking in my shoes.. I do want to ask a question?? To any one?? This of you struggling with A addicts adult children. Have you ever expierenced them gone for days at a time and took a long time to hear from them and you did not know where there at? If so can you share how you handled the situation? Please
my A is not my son but he did go missing often and the fear would have me gripped.
My ESh is to use all your alanon tools
Lots of extra meetings, ring your al anon friends or sponsor, HP of course pray hand your son and fear over, my books, this board, meditating on the slogans, cleaning the oven anything except sitting with MY HEAD !!!!
he always turned up oblivious to my torment today I live with sobreity but one of the hardest parts in the active days was handing over my fear.
I coulnt live one day at a time I needed to live 10 mins at a time, everytime the fear, panic worry hit I picked up an al anon tool.
Glad that you will change the focus for tonight and go to the Christmas event. There have been many times that I did not hear from my son and did not know where he was. I prayed, went to meetings, read the C2C and lived one moment at a time.
Truthfully I got to the point that I was relieved when I did not hear. I always knew that if trouble was around a neighbor, the police or he himself would reach out to me. They always DID.
Using the slogans repeated over and over helped me to keep the focus on the moment and the day and forced me not to think of anything but where I was at the moment Great tools
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 21st of December 2013 08:02:47 PM
Many times my son went missing. One time for a month. I also have gotten to the point I don't want to hear. If I get a message once in a while that is fine with me. Usually when I do hear something it's because he's in detox, hospital or just plain drunk anymore. Less and less is it Hi MOM I'm doing OK.
Go to your party, enjoy you time and forget for one evening about the boy. HP is with him.
You need to say this many times during the day until it sinks in
God grant me the serenity to except the things I can no change
The courage to change the times I can
And the wisdom to know the difference....
(((( hugs )))) This will pass
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Yes, my son has been missing many, many times. I didn't know where he was. I prayed the serenity prayer. I reached out to members in the fellowship. I read my readers until I found one that helped me feel peaceful and calm. I took care of myself and my responsibilities that were in my line of vision or in my appointment book. I talked with friends about other things. I did what my sponsor suggested.
Gaby, my son has disappeared for days at a time on many occasions. Before Alanon, I was crazy with worry, I convinced myself constantly that he was dead or dying somewhere and I felt it was all my fault. Its hell.
Today with the help of this program I try to think a bit more rational, I know my son, hes clever and he comes back when hes hungry enough, he can be really charming so he is probably with people who are enjoying his company, I know that the people he is and was friendly with are drinkers too so the chances are that they are partying in someones home.
I also think about him having a higher power, he was born to survive from the minute he was born, that fact is a power larger than my understanding so I have faith that he can keep himself from harm and alive with or without me in his life. I also think about the type of mother I have been, I have made many mistakes but I taught him things too and these things cant be completely erased, he knows what he needs to do and when he doesn't do these things its because he has chosen to do something else. Not a lot I can actually do about his choices.
I have freed myself from many of the thought processes that kept me in pain, I use the slogans, let go and let God, I imagine him wrapped in a blanket safe in the hands of the world. I realised that whatever was going to happen I couldn't stop it so I have to live my own life and do the best I can for me and maybe I could set an example to my son. I have no control over my son and I lost that control a long time ago, way before he or I was ready. I think I have a duty to myself and my family to work on me and change me, make me the best me I can be and if I can do that then I can show my son that it can be done. Ive lived through the horror stories and I survived and so did he. I will say a prayer for you Gaby, keep reaching out.x
Gaby, no need to fake anything. We can be worried, sad and joyful at the same time. Good for you for going to the party despite your worry and sadness.
That is going on with us right now Gaby..."Faking it" or "Acting as if" works when you work it along side of trust and faith in the program and your Higher Power.
When I accepted I was powerless there were no conditions attached. If you don't you keep getting what your getting...if you do you get something different.
