The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yeah, I only have today. But, I wish it were a different day...I have no choice but live this one. It is winter solstice in North America today. I don't know exactly what day it is all over the world. I happen to be remembering the day my dad died...but only for a little while. I will move on to other things. Like for instance, I can call a friend just to say Hello or put up the tree that is waiting in the closet.
Anything is possible for this day alone. It is a wintery wonderland out there. God is still blessing me. I don't have any real complaints except the early holiday feast is going on today w/o me. It is early & of course no one told me about it. Not even my dear mother who is down there enjoying the entire family gathering. Why do I even care? Why do my feelings get hurt every year. I can't help the fact that I am up here in God's country where I see no sign of family. I am going to be grateful here while they soak up the crap that goes down there. I am going to be OK now that I have aired my one complaint this year. OK so I have had many. Not until today have I really realized the magnitude of spending time w/o them or should I say the time they are spending w/o me. They are missing out! There ya go! I feel better already.
Kathleen--today is just today for me too. I have no family to spend time with or friends with time away from holiday plans to talk to. I know that just for today I have the opportunity to not be lonely, to not be inconsolable, to not be mired in my grief, to not care what others think of me, to know that God loves me just the way I am, to love, to be a friend, to be grateful, to live joyful and free...in other words to embrace all that life is and trust at its end I have peace. I pray the same for you.
I remember the day my dad died. I left him that morning going home from California to Arizona. I guess I wasn't far out of town but I didn't get the message until I got into Phoenix because cell phones didn't work in the desert back then. I was not there...I left my dad to die alone. I'm so so sad and will never forget it. I was not there.
It's sad remembering things like this but it was what God wanted I'm guessing. He didn't want me there. I hugged my dad that morning and gave him a kiss on the forehead. He knows I loved him....
I will be alone this Christmas....it's sometimes the way it is. I pray to enjoy the day and make a good meal and enjoy my kitchen and cooking. I don't cook much so it will be a treat.
((( hugs ))) Katheen Bless you this holiday season.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
The same happened to me, Cathy...it was the days before cell phones had much oomph. I left my father in the belief he was feeling better and I could safely go home. I kissed his cheek and told him I'd be back the next day. But as you say, God had other plans. In my belief system, all things happen for reasons I'm not privy to. And I figure if God wants my help he'll let me know. I'll be praying for you both this holy day. I'm going to the Rez to be with a family who have lost 3 loved ones to this disease in as many years. Maybe my losses have purpose. Some days I cant believe they do, like today. But I trust my HP and ultimately, I guess, that's all that's required of me today.
Hi Hoot, Yes it was winter solstice all over the northern hemisphere and summer solstice all over the southern hemisphere. It can be hard to lose someone we love during this time of the year, I lost my Mother in December and I think its hard because we are supposed to be happy at Christmas and it puts pressure on us. I can get a bit emotional in December but I remember my Mum and I know that she wants me to be happy, I miss her so much and I have grown over these years and I would love her to know this me.
Im sorry you are feeling left out within your family, I get that too and I just try to think that maybe my family thought I would be too busy or they thought that I would feel pressured to come or some other considerate and kind reason, otherwise, if its that important to me maybe I could say next time let me know and Il come along. Your gratitude list is still good and such a useful tool to turn me away from self pity, thanks for reminding me of it.x
My Dad died in December '93, my life has never been the same.
The one person that always had my back. I love all my family, but he was the one that was there for me when I needed him without being petty or having an agenda.
