The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Lots is right in my world these past couple of days. I am choosing to believe that because I kept myself calm and quiet (with the exception of whinging on here a bit) and reminded myself that "this too shall pass", my world has righted itself quickly and I have attracted some good karma. So I'll take a moment to be thankful and share all of the things that have gone right, in what was looking like being an absolutely disastrous time for me.
1). After a couple of days of, I'm sorry but really unbearable pain, my mouth seems to be healing up very quickly. Because I felt so unwell and sore for the first 2 days, I didn't smoke, or drink coffee or alcohol or eat anything unhealthy because I just wasn't well enough. I just slept and drank juice and water. So in a sense, the pain was a blessing; it forced me into healthy habits and I believe helped me to heal super-fast! I feel a bit "reborn" after the whole ordeal. And now those rotten, painful wisdom teeth are gone forever and one of the biggest stresses/fears that has weighed on me for so very long is gone. I can finally cross it off the list! Hooray! I feel wonderful about this.
2). My daughter's party was a roaring success. Even though the pool was sagging and only about 30cm full, the girls (who had all brought goggles and snorkles and pool toys and whatnot) jumped in the big saggy baby-pool and laughed and snorkled and pretended to swim and really made me laugh. My daughter has finally fallen in with a really nice, fun bunch of girls and it was wonderful to see them have so much fun.They jumped on her trampoline, toasted marshmallows around a bonfire and played her wii-u; I have been making a point of getting her gifts that are for "social" use and encouraging her to have friends over here and all of the girls were keen to make dates to come over to play during the holidays...this is EXACTLY what I was hoping for as our budget wont allow us to do much else and I wanted her to have a "fun" home to invite her friends into.
3). The mums dropped in at various intervals and I got to know some people a lot better and found we have plenty in common. One of the biggest changes I have noticed in myself is that I'm not fearful or self-conscious when I interract with other adults any more. It was nice practice. I enjoyed myself. I did not feel ashamed, or "less than". I felt like I was making friends like a normal person. That's a real turning point for me.
4). My car finally died today. Why is this good? Because ABF has been driving it and refusing to take it to the mechanic (this is his agreed responsibility as he is the only person who drives it or benefits from it). So now, he has announced that "the car can't be driven until it is fixed". As he needs it for work this means he has no choice but to take it to the mechanic. Thank-you, HP. I'm sure ABF isn't pleased but it means he isn't going to end up destroying it through lack of care.
5). My step-dad turned up early this morning with a new-old fridge (hooray!) and loaded up the 2 dead fridges and took them to the tip. He also helped me to bundle up the stupid defective pool and drove me to the store to return it. He then took my daughter to her fathers which would have taken me the entire day to do on public transport. I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to him right now.
6). I found myself alone in town after this and I was quite able to enjoy it! I had lunch alone...normally I would find this unbearable and just eat something while I was walking from errand to errand but instead I sat in our favourite chinese place, ordered myself a lunch special and enjoyed every bite. What a very strange thing for me to do! Then I wandered around the shops and felt quite happy doing it alone. (Normally I cannot stand to do these things by myself and rush to get them finished as quickly as possible).
7). I told my stepdad all about alanon and although he had never heard of it, he really understood the concepts very quickly and was delighted with the whole idea. I think he was contemplating how wonderful it would be if my mother went...I know I was...lol. But I'll talk about that in another post since I like to post in 2's these days... I wonder if he was even thinking of checking it out himself? I can always hope.
So, I feel good. I feel changes in me, and I feel like the world is working with me, not against me, and my life is full of blessings just now.
Oh, I forgot this one....I just loved it...
During my daughter's party, I took out a big tray of nachos and one of the girls asked nicely "" I can't eat cheese, would it be ok if I had some plain corn-chips to dip?" and I said sure, and then another girl asked in a dreadfully rude and accusing voice "and do you think we could get some drinks out here?" and I paused, not sure how I was going to respond to her very rude tone, and my daughter said (a little scoldingly) "she's not a slave you know, how about you and I bring out the cups and drinks together?" Music to my ears. It was nice to see my sweet intuitive daughter is still in there beneath her tweenage rebellion!
Melly! You have made so many mental shifts since you first started posting on this board! Look at all the physical and emotional changes that have come about for you. Clapping, clapping, clapping in the States. I hope the echo of my hands smacking together can be heard across the ocean. Keep on keepin' on. You have been reborn right before our eyes.
I'm also glad those teeth are gone and you don't have to go through the removal again - not in your head and not in your mouth. You just keep getting healthier and happier one day at a time. You are giving yourself some really special Christmas gifts. And, give your daughter 1,000 hugs from me. She stood up for you and not for her friend's bad behavior. What a gem she is!
I took out a big tray of nachos and one of the girls asked nicely "" I can't eat cheese, would it be ok if I had some plain corn-chips to dip?" and I said sure, and then another girl asked in a dreadfully rude and accusing voice "and do you think we could get some drinks out here?" and I paused, not sure how I was going to respond to her very rude tone, and my daughter said (a little scoldingly) "she's not a slave you know, how about you and I bring out the cups and drinks together?" Music to my ears. It was nice to see my sweet intuitive daughter is still in there beneath her tweenage rebellion!
Thanks guys, for your support
ABF also kind of handed me a gift last night after the party, although he didn't mean to I'm sure.
After the party I was talking to one of the mums about the idea of sharing a house as 2 single mums with our kids and as ABF has been telling me on a regular basis that he only lives with me "because you couldn't afford to live alone" and "how much cheaper it would be for him to rent a room somewhere" and using this as his reason for refusing to help with the house, yard etc, I posed the suggestion to him. I said "you are always saying that it's a waste of money for you to rent a house with us when you could live just as easily in a room somewhere. How would it be if I rented a house with another mum and we could live apart but still see each other?" I was just feeling him out on the topic as he is always implying that he lives with me as a "favour" to me. Well he reacted with a bunch of nasty insults and anger and stormed off to his room. A while later he came out and said "I'm sorry for everything I just said. It was stupid. I know we don't interract much with each other and we are always fighting but the fact is, even when I'm alone in my room, I feel safe knowing you are here. I couldn't stand it if you weren't".
Once, I would have thought that was romantic and sweet, but it really isn't. He just told me, pretty clearly, that he doesn't want to have a good relationship or put in any effort, but he enjoys knowing that "mummy" is still here taking care of everything. So it hurts my heart a little but really, do I want that role? Forever? The lonely woman roaming about the house by herself taking care of things and making him feel "safe?" I really don't. I'm choosing to see this revelation as a blessing too.
Glad you see that it is his job to help himself feel safe. Not yours!!!!!!! Merry Christmas gift to yourself in thinking about what you want and what you need~!
Mel, nice to hear that you both had a good time... hoping the next week turns out okay and that you have a nice Christmas time...