boundaries w son - Al-Anon Family Group

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

boundaries w son

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Hey it is a big thing. His doing this puts YOU at jeopardy!! He needs to know if the house gets busted you could lose everything! Those kids parents could eat you alive!!!! You could get thrown in jail, lose your job, lose your income, your home!! If one of those kids drank, drove and was in an accident, you could end up in prison!!!!!!

You did the right thing and so did your daughter. I am proud of you. We have to teach others how to treat us!!!!

hugs,debilyn

ps, um you can tell I am concerned about you since I am freaking out here!!!!

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Debilyn-

and it's nice to feel your care too :)

Everyone left, I confiscated beer. Talked with son. I'm going to get some rest and see what tomorrow brings.

Thanks for being here tonight I was feeling scrambled and frantic.

(((Debilyn)))

YF

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((YF))))...He knows and they know...keep them on the hook...19 yoa isn't in the age of innocence anymore...They know and know that they know...Good job on holding his feet to the fire...would have been nice to calmly and firmly say your boundary to all of them. You were 19 once and so was I...we knew then and we knew that we knew then...one piece of evidence?...the booze is in the basement. Good job Mom...I learned the same thing for everyone..."This is an alcohol free home". If you've been drinking before you got here you cannot come in. If you got booze with you same thing. If you attempt to fault that condition, you're no friend of this house, home and family...done. When my son attempted to bend that rule he had to go live on his own. (((((hugs))))) smile YaY

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

YF: Sounds as if he and his friends are testing your boundaries? Good that you showed him and them immediately that this will not happen in this house. Lots of prayers and understanding being sent your way. You are powerless over his drinking and theirs. You are in charge of what happens in your home. I'm happy that it took you no time to stand up for what you want and don't want for you and the sanctuary of your home.

yanksfan51 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you Jerry and Grateful--

After a bit my son and I had a calmer conversation, which was better. Everyone cleared out of here and I realized I don't have to change what I am comfortable with just to avoid rocking the boat with my son!

Thanks for your responses, both helpful!

YF

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

That is so true. You don't have to change what you are comfortable with to avoid rocking the boat with your son. Good for you. Personal boundaries in place and enforced with respect for yourself and the way you want to live.

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

Good working boundaries YF. It's hard on the parents when teens test boundaries like this. It's common; from their perspective they're feeling already grown up and there is tons of peer pressure to support what they're doing. Of course, they're still growing up and their behavior is not ok. You're the Mom and you get to pull out the Mom card with boundaries; it may seem more difficult, but it's the same principles of choosing consequences if boundaries are broken.

I have a belief that children need us to be able to hold our boundaries and feel more secure when we are strong to persist even when it goes against what they want. In more honest moments, my daughter has actually said that she needs me to do this. I remember this every time that it's uncomfortable and great efforts are needed for me to hold my boundary.

More recently, I have softly let her know that I think it would be helpful for her to have a higher level of honesty with herself and with me. It's a comment that doesn't require discussion or defensiveness. She gets quiet and asks what I mean and we then have a brief but meaningful discussion (she talks and I listen) - she opens up and talks about things that are bothering her and doesn't know how to handle them. (and here I had been thinking that it was all about me and her disrespect for me... breaking boundaries is disrespectful, sometimes it's just testing to see what they can get a away with and sometimes there is also more to the story)

In support

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