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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Been awhile.. hello
Post Info TOPIC: Been awhile.. hello
Iwantthingsback


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Been awhile.. hello
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biggrinHI all!  I have not been on in a few weeks. My home computer is about shot and it is hard at work at times. Things have been going really well and to be honest, I start reading posts and some of the negative or sad posts get me down when I am feeling happy. I still love it here and it still helps me a lot just need a break from time to time.

 

He has not had a drink in months and has his dry drunk under control going on 5-weeks. He finally shared his trigger points with me and having his Ducks in a row as he calls it. And when he is feeling not right he is talking about it now, which helps me understand more AND be able to adjust and react accordingly on that particular day. I am not saying he is 100% well and has everything licked. He still procrastinates and shows personality signs of an alcoholic (if that makes sense) but he is trying and is recognizing on his own. If he over reacts for example, I walk away, he immediately puts himself in check and admits he feels better when he does.

 

Our life has dramatically changed in the last month, we are back to laughing, doing things, having fun, and his lovable snuggle self is back.  Things are back to what it used to be .for now. And I pray every day it stays this way. He has a long way to go because I know for a fact if something happens (life slaps us in the face or high stress) it will be a struggle, but I am trying to take it one day at a time and not worry about that.  And I am trying to have more faith in him which is easier said than done.

 

A lesson learned. I was concentrating so much on him NOT going to F2F meetings or following the 12 steps to the tee that I didnt realize he was working on things in his own ways. Like our Therapist told me (who again is a 25 yr drug and alcohol therapist as well).  It doesnt really matter how he does it as long as he does it! If he pushes a peanut down the road with is nose to stay sober then let him push that peanut down the street with his nose!  So for me to stop chastising because he isnt doing it the way I think it should be done.

 

He has his company Christmas party today, it is from noon to 4PM and plenty of alcohol will be there, but for the first time in a year I am not sick feeling. And the simple fact he told me about it is a positive.  There is no way I would ever know there was a party going on because he works until 4 everyday anyway. So those little things help build trust back and at least shows he is trying.

 

In case I am not on.. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday

 



-- Edited by Iwantthingsback on Friday 20th of December 2013 01:59:07 PM

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Debilyn


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It's good to hear you are feeling some relief from the things you have been through. Hopefully he will continue on with his changing to living a better life.

I want to invite you to remember their disease is their own. Their days sober or whatever. When we get too involved it can make them weaker. We need to, as we say, "stay on our side of the street."

Its great to know also you are still working on your program.

Yes it can be hard to read of the pain shared here, but in truth all of us who love an A knows, they have a disease. All those things we go thru or went thru are fact.

I honestly am soooo happy for you to have this time with him that sounds like it is getting better and better! Remember to always take care of you.

love!



-- Edited by Debilyn on Friday 20th of December 2013 07:59:12 PM

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

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grateful2be


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Glad you're feeling stronger and happy. Thanks for the update and your strong share.

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Iwantthingsback


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I love sharing positive things.... however, I think HP had to knock my confidence down :( Sat we went to his family party, sad to say they are ALL big drinkers. I didn;t want to go because of this, but I know I can't worry about that and I wanted to see them, great people. I could see a change in Tom about 2 hrs in, just a differnt look in his eyes. Anyway long story short we had a great time. But he woke up this morning in full blown dry drunk mode :( We had a very special day planned that I was waiting for all week. He found something so little to fight about (as they do), kicked a present under the tree, told me to find someoneelse to love becasue he is damaged.... and said he didn't want to even look at me today and was leaving all day. Who knows what he will do, we all know that feeling wondering...... So, wind out of my sails for sure. As I sit here and cry so hard. But once I pull it together I will be go do something, just no energy to do that right now.  I shold be used to this... but somehow.... it takes me back everytime ecsp after things have been so good.

XOXOX all thanks for listening



-- Edited by Iwantthingsback on Sunday 22nd of December 2013 10:03:31 AM

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Melly1248


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Hugs, IWTB. I'm sorry he started up the roller-coaster again. I always feel really weak, defeated and surprised at myself when it all goes to poo again too.
I don't think we can ever get used to it.
(((IWTB)))

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hotrod


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IWTB

Holidays ar difficult

Try to join our on line,meetings in the chat room and Know you are not alone

Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

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grateful2be


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It does get easier as we practice QTIP. It's never about us. It's always about them. I spend a lot of time with folks I can't ever count on for much. I've learned to have Plan A, B, C, D.
Usually, I only have to enact Plan B when A isn't going to work. Sometimes, I have to go to plan C. Once in awhile, Plan D. I know that I can count on me to do what I promised myself I'd do if A didn't work. By having 2, 3 and sometimes 4 plans, I never have to break my promise to myself unless I choose to do that. I stay sane that way. On occasion, I have a tiny meltdown, but not for long - just enough to feel what I feel and then I do what I can do to make a necessary alteration to my attitude, my day and/or my plan.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 22nd of December 2013 05:17:42 PM

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Melly1248


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True G2B.
My ABF nearly always disappoints me when we plan something. Usually he gets drunk the night before, rants and raves and then is asleep when it's time to do whatever nice thing he promised we would do. Otherwise like as IWTB described, he throws a selfish "look at me" tantrum and then runs away leaving me sad and lost... so I started always having a plan B. And because in the beginning I always felt so sad when he let me down, I'd go to quite a bit of effort to make sure my plan B was exciting and fun and sociable and guaranteed to lift my spirits. Then after a while I started to find I preferred my plan B to whatever I was planning with the A and secretly hoped I could just go and do my own thing instead of having a "half enjoyable day" knowing that he could spoil it at any time. Now I just don't make plans with him at all. Ever. If he says "lets do blah blah" on Saturday I say "Let's just see how you feel on Saturday and take it from there". And then plan my own awesome thing to do without him. I never actually thought of the progression like that, but that is how it has been. Basically all of it was to avoid having that horrible feeling you had when you posted that, IWTB. Never making plans with him means never feeling let down and sad when he ruins them. And 9.99 times out of 10, he will ruin them.
Hope you're feeling better today anyway.

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