The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Our neighbors husband found my son on the side of the freeway in his car out of gas. They called me and that was my opportunity to take the car. And I did just that.. My son would have now been left with nothing other then the streets and some way some how he figured I'll get my last high an do the rehab again. So here we are my husband and I in Nevada dropping him off again. It's been the worst drive ever.. We are parked on a parking lot waiting to drop him off and go.. My son wants the help but that demon is in him but he reached out. N this is the last I'll help. I told him you chose to come home you find your way an mind you we are 4 hours away and it's cold 18 degrees. At this time he is unaware of where we are at. But he knows rehab is where he will be dropped off. I can't live in his disease and he does not want to either. So the 30 day black out I will be working on me and I will him once every two months. He is to stay for one year and if he choses to leave then its good luck finding a ride home. I'm at my end.. I pray this goes the way god intends it to go..
Thank you. I too hope he wants it for him. I know I will at least have some peace but this time in working my program in full force to have the strength to be ready for what ever is to come.. I am mentally and emotionally and physically exhausted. I can only pray for him and work my program and pray he does the same thing. He is in a horrible position and feels like crap but I can no longer do this.. I feared my son would have chose the streets. But ok if this is what he choses then I won't deny him help. But this is my last !! I have ran out of money. And my family has been put through the ringer.. Yes I did not make it easy and I hope this is not part of enabling. But to be honest I need peace and time to really focus on me and my recovery. And bringing my family together..
Over this last 5 years I have spend close too 100K trying to help my son. I have given up all friendships and my relationship is gone. I have put myself into a position that I live from paycheck to paycheck at the age of 62 with nothing much to retire on. I thought if I could continue to show my love with my support of enabling, control and help I could turn things around. It hasn't happened. My will and control was not enough.
I pray I can move forward with my love and emotional support for my son. I pray I will have the strength and give him back his will and desire to not want to live this life he has. My helping didn't help him Gaby. I kept him out of trouble for the most part. I kept him off the streets and comfortable so he could continue his addiction. Rehabs, sponsors, hospitals and detox's didn't help. Jail didn't help. Accidents didn't help but Cathy was still trying to keep him safe as possible.
I made a promise to God that I will not try to be him anymore. I promise will let him do his job as he sees if. I can't break that promise anymore. If I do will kill me and my son.
I keep telling myself why do you want to continue to live this way. Why do you want to suffer when it's doing no good. BECAUSE GOD YOUR NOT DOING ANYTHING. Well Cathy what good have YOU done with all your statements above. Answer me that one Cathy.
Why don't you try another angle like letting go for once in for all. Why don't you leave it up to him ( YOUR SON ) to make at least ONE freaking decision good or bad to help himself. Why do you think you have the know it all that you can take charge and know whats best for him. LET HIM FALL FOR ONCE IN THIS LIFE. Let your son grow the hell up and deal with life on life's terms. Are you going to be there for him in 10 maybe 20 years. Think about it Cathy????
I'm sorry for what I have done but I can and will take control of MY life and be better off for it down the road. I promised God
Keep yourself safe Gaby and lets help each other through this...we are not alone.
PS: Help me keep my promise to God
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thats great news Gaby, what a fabulous service, there are no such things where I live. You get some peace now to work on your own recovery from the affects of this and you get to focus and build on other relationships in your life. Im happy for you.x
Take care of yourself, Gaby. You have choices as does your son. I did everything I could to help my son and it made no difference. I was treating him like he was still a little helpless boy. He could always rely on Mom to come to the rescue. I don't know where my son is at this time. I am hoping and praying he's safe. I have given him over to God. And I miss him terribly.
