The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon.
I need help. I am feeling very overwhelmed right now. I am lost. I have no direction. As an ACOA, I have never had any proper direction. I don't know what I am doing. I feel I am to far gone to have a prosperous, happy future. I am overextending myself doing the work of 2 people when I am only one. Work, School, fitness. I feel over-worked. I can no longer live like this. I am tired of being the lone wolf. My needs have never been met and I never learned how to have them met. The world is not meant to be a lonely place. I have numbed myself long enough and am ready. What do I do? Where do I look? What does it feel like? Why doesn't anyone want to help me? Why doesn't anyone want to be with me? Why doesn't anyone look at me and recognize what a wonderful person I am?
I am getting fed up and I am almost reaching a breaking point. I don't know what to do any more. There needs to be a point. I keep hearing that God has a plan, but the plan can't just be about paying bills and chasing status. In my case chasing a void. This shouldn't be this hard. Everyone says I should be proud of how great I'm doing...Why don't I feel proud? Why do I feel broken? Devoid? Clueless?
Al-anon has given me so much. Community, a sense of belonging, a sense that I am wanted and needed. Service work gives me that sense that I have a role and play an important role in the dynamic of the group. Many of the women in my Area have acted as mother figures. This has allowed me to change the image. Now, I just need to change the image I have of young women. I don't know what to do? I need answers. Who can I turn to?
I feel like I am running out of time. I feel so lost.
You sound at the point of surrender. Maybe surrendering your expectations. You are not running out of time and love will probably come into your life when you least expect it. Are you open to it? sending out the positive vibes? getting yourself out there in the world? opening your mind to new experiences? Maybe your higher power wants you to let go of these feelings. Maybe you need to love yourself a little more or for a little longer or a little harder. Learn to enjoy your own company, a relationship cant solve problems that come from within. Take what you like. Thanks for sharing.x
In the same post you said you have no direction but then recognized the women in Alanon have been giving you this all along. Jim...abandon falling back into old thinking patterns. You are an ACOA but choosing to cling to negative connotations that go along with that. It will change as your confidence keeps growing and you take more risks with dating and socializing. Simple fear is the reason you feel stuck. Go after what you want! That includes females.
Jim--someone told me once that I cant have a good relationship with someone else until I'm in a good relationship with myself. By focusing on my own recovery, I learned that I had meet my own needs instead of looking for someone outside of me to meet them. Then when I no longer NEED someone to fill up the holes in my heart I can maybe invite someone into an interdependent relationship not a codependent one. But only if God wants me to be with someone, not me. Our culture has lost its compass and yes it is normally very lonely. There's no line I can stand in to get good stuff handed to me. Its first up to me to surrender my will to the will of my higher power. No we didn't choose to be a victim of this disease, but we can choose whether we stay a victim. I choose recovery. I try to give it away so I can keep it. I try to focus on what I can do for others than on what and who I want in my life. Its the only road to serenity.
I think you've got some great ESH here. It seems that for so many of us, learning to love and care for ourselves is the hardest lesson to put into practice.
Don't give up on yourself, you've done a great thing for yourself and for others by coming here to share. Thank you for that.
Keep coming back, you're doing fine.
(((Hugs)))
You remind me a lot of my brother, Jim. He's an awesome guy too and he's really unsure of girls. Sweet 25 and never been kissed. I don't worry too much. One day he will click with someone and make up for lost time. I know you will too.
(((Jim)))
you have come so far... and you have done good to yourself....keep walking, steady...and remember: progress, not perfection. I am happy you are here and you have been of great support! keep coming back... we all have known this fear..fear of the unknown...the unknown might be actually better than what we have known so far. know that you are not alone.
(((slogan_jim)))
