The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I need support all the support I can have.. I go to my meetings .. I go to AA meetings to understand the disease.. I get on line to share. I keep in contact with my Sponser.. I just need more support. I feel alone when I know I am not.. The last I seen my son was Friday around 2pm.. I extended myself again to get him medical help and they will find him detox and move forward. He said to me "just leave me alone and I will see you at church Saturday night" well he never went to church.. I am so addicted to his disease. I know I am not god.. I am now just worried and yes afraid. I pray and have the faith in god.. It's just the "what if's" setting in. How do I gain that strength to go through this. I know my son knows where to find me and many others for help. I get he may not be ready. I'm just living with a lot of worry.. Can I get some support.. Can I get some ESH?? I need all to get through all this.. God bless..
You seem to be getting lots of al anon medicene meetings etc.
What else do you do in life what does gaby enjoy. I never knew what I enjoyed, I never knew me my whole life dissapeared it was fun getting it back.
Me and some al anon friends went to the movies, we started going to conventions, we even went to a quiz night that was fun. I began to laugh again. SLOWLY
Sometimes I didnt think about my A for 20 mins but this got longer and longer as I began to make my life manageable.
Today i work, study, I exercise , go out with friends, lots of recovery stuff of course, including lots of service.
I like to watch a film, walk my dog, I have done voluntary work.
It was like packing in cigerettes for me i had to shift my focus get busy, but also having peaceful times to contect to hp that was the most important thing.
take what you like leave the rest,
hugs tracy xxxxxx
-- Edited by Tracy on Sunday 15th of December 2013 03:26:32 PM
Hi Gaby, I too am in a very similar spot. I allowed my son to move back home 2 weeks ago and it has been a roller coaster, he is 19 on methadone and using still I believe something. and I find myself obsessing when he goes missing which is every few days. I am struggling to stay in the moment as well, and I know I have to set a boundary again and ask he not return. I have been involved with alanon for many years dating back to my former husband who is recovering, and then again with my eldest daughter. I stayed firm in my boundary setting with them ,got to lots of live meetings and came here allllll the time,and time to get back to basics. I have 2 younger children here as well so the craziness cannot continue. I am trying to use the slogans today "let go and let God" and when I find myself wondering mentally I say "today" or look down at my feet. Know that you are not lone and that taking care of me ,sp for my younger 2 is a must, so thanks for sharing your esh here it made me feel so not alone today. Keep comin back, and I will too. xo
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"I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess."
Gaby: Your son's HP knows where he is. He'll be there with your son. I don't know if you play Euchre? I do. Whenever I have no knowledge of my son's whereabouts or a clue as to what to do, I see it as my partner - HP - at a Euchre table telling me to "Stay home." HP is confident S/He can take all the tricks and doesn't need my help. I also see my son's absence as God's way of giving me a break from all the stress of trying to deal with my son's progressive disease. I have time to work my program, focus on myself, enjoy the people who are in my life at the time, and plan for my future. Maybe some of what works for me will work for you?
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 15th of December 2013 04:01:15 PM
I don't mean to be dismissive of your worry, but not showing up at church is a very standard thing for an A to do. I'll bet dollars to doughnuts he's lazing around somewhere, sleeping it off, and not thinking for one minute that there is someone out there alarmed because he decided not to show up somewhere. The disease is very careless of other people's emotions.
Gaby. I understand your pain. Truly. You are panicked and it's not good for your health being in this constant. Anxious state you will make yourself ill. Think about the suggestions you have been given from your sponsor your meetings and here. Really think about them. Can you make a plan of action to quieten your mind. When your mind focuses on your son what should you be focusing on? Housework, cooking, other family members, your own needs? You can't worry change to occur. Your fighting for your will. For what you wAnt. Let it go. Your son is where his hp has him for his growth and his life lessons. What do you want for your own life. Maybe the best course of action is to set an example by focusing on your own life.x
((((Gaby)))) one of the best and strongest lessons I ever learned in recover is "when you held on to too much weight...you let go...or get a hernia" I've got one of those by the way...the walking metaphor for carrying too much weight. Let go...Let God...practice, practice, practice. He's missing in action to you; not to HP. 3cs meditation time.
I also remember my alcoholic/addict in the middle of a hangover and withdrawal telling me to "leave me ALONE"!! still I took her a bible which she promptly threw back at my head. I complained about what she did to my sponsor and my sponsor asked me "Why didn't you do what she asked"? That question stumped me because I hadn't got it yet. He also asked me, "If you were in her condition how would you have felt about you"? Didn't take me long to understand the solution was "Let go".
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 15th of December 2013 04:18:57 PM
Acceptance gaby. He's an addict. For all the effort you spend trying to force him into sobriety with your will and not God's, it keeps you addicted to trying to change him and robs you of serenity. Accept, drop expectations and let go. It's not giving up on him. It is saving yourself.
Also, if you go to AA meetings purely to try and understand his active addiction, that is going to hurt. People at those meetings want recovery and he does not. So it will just be wishing he wanted it more.
Gaby, You have been getting great support and ESH for weeks, the best that can be given through this network, and it sounds like you have much support through your meetings and your sponsor; you are blessed with much support. Let go....bless your life, be in gratitude. This too shall pass.
When my son GETS HIS FIX.....I don't hear from him. He is pain free and enjoying his high. He doesn't know or doesn't care that anyone is worried about him. He is in his own little world pain free. You will hear from him...you have before. I was told one time...why do you worry so much....is your worry going to save him? Is he going to come running to your side and say he was sorry he made me worry so much. It will never ever happen. Until my son wants help nothing in this world will I be able to do about it. I can' change him, I can't lock him up. I can only let him go and pray he hits a bottom he can't stand and will do something about it.
If I continue to save him he WILL DIE. He will die because I continued to keep him in a place he could continue his drinking because MOM made it easy for him to do so.
Prayers for you and your son that you will let go of him and let God do his work no matter what happens.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Gaby, your are getting some really good ESH here, everyone wants you to feel better than you have been because we all know the hell because we have been there but there comes a time when you will get sick of this way of thinking, maybe you need to reach your bottom. How you feel, think and react are all decisions that you are making, not your sons, you can decide to think differently when you are ready, that's the point of Alanon for me. Its a different way of thinking, a rational and calm way of thinking with my own life at the forefront.x
I am so addicted to his disease. I know I am not god.. I am now just worried and yes afraid. I pray and have the faith in god.. It's just the "what if's" setting in. How do I gain that strength to go through this. I know my son knows where to find me and many others for help. I get he may not be ready. I'm just living with a lot of worry.. Can I get some support.. Can I get some ESH?? I need all to get through all this.. God bless..
Dear Gaby
We have all felt like you do at thie moment and do understand. You are working the program and I do understand the fear and the "what ifs."
I had to get to" acceptance" in order for me to be set free. The" Accceptance" for me was:" IF my son does not recover and dies from this disease I am still powerless and I can accept HPs will and let go"
The disease hurts bad and is keeping you in insanity. Seriously ask yourself has worry got you anywhere? He knows you are looking for him, and so he is hiding where he knows you won't find him. He is more than likely living in that vehicle... Can you look straight at your fears? And accept that any of them might happen. You are not responsible for your son's actions and NONE of this is your fault, I repeat NONE of this is your fault. Believe that you didnt cause this, and you can't control this. If you can't have faith in your or his HP, have faith in the people on this board, they truly have gone through what you are going through and worse, they are telling you how to get out of it. Believe what they say and try to listen to what helped them. You are caught in the disease right now, recognize that. I am asking you to let it go Gaby, it will make you sick, and you won't be in any shape to help your son when he really comes to you for help in recovery. Your his only rock and attachment to the REAL world. He needs you healthy. Try today just one thing....baby steps, please be very gentle and loving with yourself right now you are going through alot. .....in support OG
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
