This is a horrible feeling... - Al-Anon Family Group

Gaby · Senior Member

This is a horrible feeling...

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers for you and your family, Gaby. As far as your question about how - the answers always lie within us. The want of it - the why of it - and the how of it all come from us with help from our HP.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 14th of December 2013 03:37:40 PM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired is when you will let go. I pray for your peace. Let your son go and feel the pain of his choices. He is smart so we will pray he will seek help when he is ready.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby

Go to Amazon.com and look for the book " Getting them Sober " by Toby Rich Drew. Purchase it and download to you PC. You can use a Kindle app to read it. Start reading and read until you can't read anymore. Also purchase the book " Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children " by Allison Bottke and read it.

You need to attend a Al-anon meeting and get the literature and books and read them daily. They help so much believe me. Reading takes you mind off the crisis and put it into perceptive.

Just do one little thing for you right now and let your son take care of him. He can because YOU CAN"T. DO IT FOR YOU PLEASE.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I cant really let go either Gaby and its wrong to hold on. I am holding on to my son too and its all about me. Its about my fear, my discomfort, my worries, my expectations. I do know how you feel please believe me. Im working on step 4 right now because I need to look at me and my motives, what is within me that needs to be dealt with. Why cant I accept the world and my son as is? Why do I still think I have the power to change it? Why cant I let go and let him fall that is the natural path and the way is should be. Who do I think I am to rescue and save as if I know better than nature or God himself!!!!

These questions need answers or you and I and our sons are doomed to go round and round with the same awful results.x

Rose50 · Senior Member

I was like a crazy woman before finding Al-Anon; going to meetings, reading anything I could get my hands on about alcoholism and addiction. For me it was a process. I was totally obsessed with my son - what he was doing - where he was at any given time. If I called and he didn't answer, my mind immediately went to the worst case scenario. I now know that I was acting out of fear.

I can't control what happens - whether he finds recovery or not. I know how hard it is to let go, but let go you must for your own sanity.

You are not alone.

((hugs)))

WorkingThroughIt · ~*Service Worker*~

By having the courage to do real intercessory prayer.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy is so correct, that book is amazing. YOu need volume one.

You can let go when you realize hanging on is killing them The worst thing we can do to the A we love is baby them. its hard for us to understand at first but it is true.

They have to figure it out all on their own, we can do nothing. When you chase him around, it makes him weak, feels like a kid. He needs to feel all the pain that comes from his behavior to want to stop. If it is easy, he won't, he can't.

The urge is so horribly strong, the desire to not be in the mess has to be stronger. We take away obstacles they need to experience.

that book will help you! sending you love, this pain you have is horrible I know. keep coming! debilyn

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Gaby, do you go to Alanon meetings or work the program?

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.