Not In Control And So Sad - Al-Anon Family Group

Dotty2 · Newbie

Not In Control And So Sad

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Dotty and welcome to the board...We have a slogan in Al-Anon saying "Act as if" which for me means and meant when I first heard it...practice as if its real. Often times for me the believing came as a consequence of doing and not the other way around... Sounds like you have some Al-Anon experiences. If you do the program is as good as gold when worked. If you don't go to the white pages of your local telephone book and find the hotline number under Al-Anon and call to find out where and when we get together in your area. Keep coming back here also because this is family. For me "not being in control" is like being on vacation from work. ((((hugs)))) smile

Katytexasmom · Veteran Member

Hello Dotty2
I certainly understand your fears and concerns. I've been around my son many times when he said he was not using but all signs told me he was lying. It made me crazy! I got so obsessed with him that I lost me. I could not do anything about his addiction but I could do something about mine. I realized I was addicted (obsessed) with his life.
I am now learning to let go and let God. It sounds easier than it is, but it will be the key to my joy! It will also get me out of his way so he can work on his addiction.
prayers for you and your son
K

-- Edited by Katytexasmom on Saturday 14th of December 2013 12:18:47 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm a Mom whose son is an active A although he did work a program and did well many years ago. Al-Anon really is a big help to Moms and this board is, too. There is nothing we can do or say that will help our children make the choices we'd like to see them make. We can get help for ourselves so that we recover our joy and peace. Keep coming back. There's lots of us who are going through what you are experiencing or have. You didn't cause his addiction. You can't control it. You can't cure it. Neither can he. But he knows where he can get help if he wants it. You can get help, too.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP Dotty you are in the right place

I too have a A son that I'm letting go with the help of Al-anon and all my friends here on MIP. First I would say you can trust your instincts because mine are pretty good now in predicting whats going to happen soon.

Keep coming back because your not alone here and the support is great

Take care of you and let go let God....

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

For some reason that year milestone is hard for them. It is a lot of pressure. I hope he has a strong program of recovery.

sending you love! debilyn

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Dotty)))

Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your son

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Dotty

There are people here who understand so well and I hope that you find these boards as helpful as I do. It is great that your son is working at his sobriety, it must be very hard to leave his recovery to him, especially with a big date looming, but I know that I found that I coped so much better when I left AH to deal with his own issues - he deserves to own his own recovery, and worrying did me no end of harm!

I do like Jerry's 'Act as if' - thank you - I'll be trying that one out for size ((((hugs)))))

Lyne · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Dotty-My spouse is a dry drunk although going to O.A. for food addiction. My son has given up pot and cigarettes but is addicted to pain meds following two back surgeries. His hands shake and at times he is sleepy and I even suggested going inpatient for detox while sedated. I find it easier to detach with my A spouse than with my son. My heart aches for him, and I am sure he is a mess in part because of the lousy job my X-husband and I did when he was younger. I've been a much better mom the last 20 years but of course he has damage and scars. The only thing I can really do at this point is get my own s--t together as best I can, and alanon is helping me do that. My son can tell I am happier and stronger and I think that alone can have a positive impact on him. He is a grown man with a child of his own. I have to trust that HP will get him to a better place. Lyne

afglin · Senior Member

I can relate. I often feared a relapse. I think that is normal for us. We have seen it happen so many times. For me just focusing on myself and my own program helped me stay out of his. If you have any of the daily readers it may also be useful to read the pages on detachment.

Bet of luck,
LIN

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.