The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Forgive me for throwing myself back into the ocean to drown myself. He has moved out all his stuff except for whats in the garage. I need the rest gone. I am losing my home because I can't afford the bills on my own. I have to be out by the 30th. After he lost this last job, he sought sobriety treatment, and decided he needed to go home to his moms so he can get himself together. I agree, it needed to happen. From what I hear, he's been to one treatment session. He drank on Saturday. We are still dating. It has been going ok until Friday, I stopped hearing from him out of the blue. The last time I talked to him He tells me he needs the number to our DR, he is still getting sick every day, producing too much bile and throwing up on a regular basis. He says he is so depressed he doesnt want to answer his phone, answer text messages, get out of bed. He tells me "I warned you that this is probably what would happen, that I am not going to be any good to you as a boyfriend or anything else. I become an a***** for a while when I sober up. I didnt want this to happen between us but now it has, i know you're angry, and i know i need to be better but right now i cant do anything."|
I do believe this man loves me. he loves me enough to not use me up. to protect me from himself. to tenderly listen to me as i rage about his shortcomings, as my heart breaks and he's the one who broke it. he loves me enough to lift my head up even when he is drowning in his own demons. but he cant be good to me, because he cant be good to himself. im very torn between just breaking it off with him for now, and taking time away or staying. he isnt giving me much to hold on to at this point but with holidays happening, he wants to come home with me for christmas which will be our first christmas together. he wants to meet my father. so many conflicting messages. now his phone is turned off for two days. he never turns his phone off. there's been days where i dont hear back from him, but never turning the thing off altogether.
Im not sure, as a newbie to dealing with alcoholism, what to make of any of it.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 12th of December 2013 02:17:45 PM
I am so sorry to read that you are loosing your home. Positive thoughts going out to you,
Alcoholism is a progressive fatal illness that can be arrested but never cured. Having a relationship with an alcoholic recovering or not is a challenge . Alanon is a fellowship members who have lived with or live with the problem of alcoholism . I urge you to look for the face to face meetings in your community and attend.
It is here that I learned how to break the isolation caused by living in the disease, found the support that enabled me to rebuild my self esteem and confidence and most importantly re learn how to focus on my needs and my life.
"So many conflicting messages" Aloha Bream its hopeful to have you here because we get to share our Experiences Strengths and Hope with you and if you are willing to take the suggestions and follow thru we get to watch another miracle come about. One of the conflicting messages I listened to when I was in my marriage to an alcoholic/addict was that I could beat it and or it would just instantaneiously changed just because I loved her. That was proof that I knew absolutely nothing about the disease of alcoholism even as much that Betty offered you...it is progressive and cannot be cured; only arrested by total abstinence. I had to get abstinent also and find a way to stop choosing alcoholic and addicted people to have a relationship with. I learned that in Al-Anon and soooo much more and along with Betty wish that for you too. Look in the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number for Al-Anon...call that number to find out where and when we meet in your area and come as quickily as you can.. Keep coming back here also. (((((hugs)))))
Thank you guys. I have been too afraid to go to a face to face meeting so far. I drive by them each time and im chicken. I spent the weekend with my ABF and during me making dinner last night he said I gotta go grab my zoloft I'll be right back and I didnt hear from him til 11 oclock last night, saying his car got stuck in the snow. It's always something, isnt it? Then he got angry with me for it, for me saying there's always an excuse, or something comes up, or a crisis. We all know the crisis is drinking. I had a wonderful weekend followed up by another slap in the face with reality. The disease keeps him in dis-ease, and it doesnt take long before it overrides his sense of right and wrong. I feel my hope dying out and im not bright and sunny and optimistic about our relationship anymore. Then he is upset with me that I've lost my faith, and that each time we interact is comes back around to negative place or an argument or our problems are brought up.
