The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At my meeting tonight the topic was giving and receiving. Sounds nice and just in time for Christmas.
I thought about this in terms of my relationship with my son. I give - way too much and he receives too much. I give him too much thought, too much of my time thinking about him, too much of my happiness, worrying about him, too much of my serenity, the knot in the stomach feeling. He takes all of it and of course he does, I have brought him up that way to be honest. I have given and he has taken.
It is time to really work at taking back my own life for both our sakes. I need to stop allowing my mind to wander to his side of the street. I need to keep the focus on me. Before making decisions I am going to try and take a moment to think, is this good for me? am I treating myself well? is this what I want? Then when I make decisions they are less likely to have resentment attached.
I have told my son that I love him and that he has the right to live the way he sees fit and so do I - the issue that we have is his lifestyle and mine clash. I don't want drunken people in my life (Ive done this for many years with his Dad) and he wants to be a drunken person much of the time - so who gets to live the way they want? me or him? If we live together then someone is sacrificing themselves for the other.
So, I told him I will help him get a flat. This seems to be the best option at the moment and has given me back some serenity for the moment. This of course may end in disaster but with what happened last weekend I feel that the disaster already happened so what is there to be scared of? Anyway, I am using you, my friends as a sounding board as I feel it is important not to isolate. I do have a sponsor but I am rubbish at picking up the phone, another thing I must work on.Thanks for listening.x
I would love to encourage you to call your sponsor:) No time like the present , I am also a Sponsor, & when a sponsee calls us, we receive for more than what we are giving to you:) Make her night & give her a call:)
El-cee, your insights show so much compassion for you and your son. You both get to be free. He may not see the early Christmas gift, but it is. Take good care.
Sometimes, we must do the thing we are bad at so we can get better at it, el cee. I, too, would like to encourage you to call your sponsor for help in this. My sponsors(I've had two) have meant the difference between going off the deep end in self-flagellation when I'm dealing with some really difficult and painful stuff and finding my strength again. I'm glad you're coming here. I'm glad you're sorting things out for yourself. I just hope you'll also take advantage of a really good tool - your sponsor.
I pray this works for you and him. I have done it quite a lot....getting my son settled into a place.....to have it go down the drain. I can only hope that this time when he's kicked out for non payment I don't step in again. I have to stop it somewhere and hold my ground for my own peace of mind. I need to let that bottom happen once in for all.
Prayers coming your way today my friend.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
