The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am reading a lot here today about trying not to rescue the alcoholic. This experience of mine I am sharing is in no way meant to judge anyone here - my only aim is to be helpful.
Last night when I was at the Friends and Family Big Book Study meeting (this is a meeting where Alanons are all doing the steps using AA's Big Book (we replace the word "alcohol" with our own disease), I was sharing how I kept rescuing people. Over and over I was rescuing people who were sick like me. Men, friends, family members, you name it, I'd come in and save them - or they would come to me demanding I save them.
The only thing that has stopped me from doing this is realizing how selfish and dishonest it truly was on my part.
I was selfish (what did I want?). I wanted to feel good in the moment so I'd cave and do what they wanted. Other times I was lonely so I wanted company. There were other selfish motives in other cases.
I was dishonest by people pleasing. I couldn't stand saying no. And I was trying to do God's job for Him. Over and over I PLAYED GOD by getting in the way of His plan for someone else's life. I was stealing other people's natural ability to develop their own willingness. I was a thief!! Others can't learn if I'm doing things for them. They have to do it of their own willingness.
i was also afraid. I was afraid people would die. I had no trust in God and what He could do IF these people could develop willingness to seek Him on their own. I couldn't see I was giving them NO chance by doing what I was doing.i was putting my hand in front of a Gods hand And stopping others from developing their own willingness - something EVERY human being is born with and capable of. Basically I was insulting others by making it seem they didnt have the natural God-given capability to seek Him on their own because I thought others had to be "smart" or capable in the "worldly sense" to seek God.
Playing God is a spiritual crime. I needed to trust Him - that He really did exist (and I could only see that by doing my own work in that book and finding Him myself). I needed to follow directions and let go of the outcomes.
Also, guilt is not required. However playing God caused me MORE guilt - something that happens at a very subconscious level.
i needed to stop the insanity by letting go and having some peace. My peace comes today by knowing I'm trusting God and not obsessing about the alcoholic. Also the loving arms of the women in Friends and Family Big Book Steps is my continued solution as I get honest and change.
-- Edited by WorkingThroughIt on Monday 9th of December 2013 08:27:41 AM
I wanted so bad to keep the feel good rescue that I never thought I was playing God. It was helping him, keeping him safe and keeping control. I didn't trust anyone even God to take on my burden as I saw it.
The 3rd step is a biggie and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it. But I will one day at a time.
It's a scary time for me and I don't know what the outcome will be but I do know now I have to Let go Let God or I will stay scared forever
Thank you my friend...Great share
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
If it could be helpful I'm happy.
We were doing the best we could - God knows that. So I don't beat myself up - I just change.
It is scary I know! But the rewards on the other side of trusting Him are much better.
The alcoholic doesn't always get sober but sometimes they do - the goal here is to allow others and God the freedom and the dignity to be on what their own journey will be.
And it's much better for us too. We start loving ourselves more and feeling God's "thank you."
Also we start being attracted to healthier people ourselves, as this loving God wants for us.
I totally get this WTI. I am also a rescuer and I think I have spent my whole life stealing other people's lessons and growth, especially my children. I thought it was my job as a Mother. It is such an arrogant thing to do when you really think about it. Playing God and believing you have the power to control another and dictate their consequences. For me it is based on my own fears. I get scared when I can see consequences coming for someone and I step in. It is a lack of faith in a higher power but I never knew a higher power existed until a year and a half ago, so I am relatively new to this and I have gotten so much better but I still have much to learn and much more practice at letting go. I think this is the very root to all my problems, I am so thankful for this program that has given me awareness and Its scary to think I could have spent my whole life without it and going round in circles doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.x
