Hospital - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Hospital

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

so sorry, Cathy....time to let go with a lot of prayer for HP to do what he has to do w/son....U R totally powerless over this one...........

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Glad he went to the hospital for medical treatment. Keep us posted. He's in my prayers as you are, Cathy.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

He is being cared for tonight..rest, Cathy.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, big hugs .. I just want to reassure you he's exactly where he needs to be and these people can help him in ways you can't. Please take care of yourself, .. YOU are in need of some self love and self care.

Hugs again, S :)

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

PP wrote:
He is being cared for tonight..rest, Cathy.

yea, Cathy, he is in the best place he can be right now....and like Paula says.. "rest, Cathy"......

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

He's bitching he couldn't get any help because his insurance has lapsed. He didn't go last week when he knew his insurance was canceled. Maybe the hospital will help him again because they want their money. He called 911 and they wouldn't take him to the hospital and he said he begged for help and they called him a taxi to get there. This man is so messed up and he thinks he done everything right and it's everyone else that won't help him. Texting.....I have been sitting here for a hour and nobody is helping me. I'm sitting here with crying kids and my knee is hurting like knives being stuck in it. I just let the texts come and not even respond anymore. No use...his brain is not even working right anymore. He must be loaded.

I'm getting to the point of not even wanting him to contact me at all. It's overwhelming I can't do a dang thing he's so out of it and won't listen to anyone anymore. It's heartbreaking to listen or see this happening.

Please God take him and care for him anyway you see fit. I can't do it anymore....I'm at a loss also. My mind is going to shut down if I don't get away from this.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, I know this sounds like I am dissmissing you but I am NOT.....but do you have a sponsor or ANY meet you can go to??? or a recovery mate, working a strong program whom you can call and talk with?????

I see you struggling w/this w/only this board for you and its not enough....I would go nuts w/out my sponsor/best friend and my other recovery mates i can call and talk with.....ANYONE who is programmed enough to help you......are there any fac2fac meetings at ALL in your area....sometimes they have open AA meets where alanoners can go, but i am hoping there are alanon meetings....

also there are , if u surf the web, meetings all the time that u can get into and after meet, chat w/someone who appears to be working programme...

I just don't want to see you struggling with this alone when there ARE people out there to help....a meeting or recovery mate...maybe a help line for 12 steps??? dunno because i make sure i am networked w/ at least a good recovery mate or two i can TALK with....

Just a suggestion.....I care about what happens to you and will send you prayers of comfort, but there HAS to be more than this board for you.......this board is good for suppliment, but in no way is it my mainstay.....

you see my posts.....i have a few good friends w/whom i connected with who es&h me but bc my "stuff" may not be so alanon, and so many can't relate to my posts or maybe they just can't relate to me, don't know what it is, but I accept it and thank GOD I have other channels....I was going to stop all together posting here, but i thought the better of it bc I know i can help the newbies and support the ones I am friendly with here, like you AND ya know?? this is a good place to journal and if i get a response, great...if not??? ok too...... but this is SUPPLIMENT to the main course (sponsor, recovery mates, meetings).......Your see what i am saying??? this board should NOT be the main course....meetings and a sponsor are the meat and potatoes...

OK...said enough, I hope i did not cross any lines, I just hate to see a good person struggle when there ARE other or additional avenues we can go to get help........God bless you and may peace find you

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry Cathy..... At least tonight, he is safe and being taken care of. Take care of you...it is all that you can do.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy: It helps me to find readings that match my feelings in our readers when I feel overwhelmed. I read until I'm calm. Once I'm calm, I can hear my HP's guidance or trust it more.
I have wrestled with those same feelings and thoughts as you are having now - especially in winter when my son "appears" helpless or in need. Trust that you will know what to do or not do when its time to know. If nothing feels right to you other than to take care of you, trust that guidance. In my case I've learned that if I don't know what to do, its because the guidance is that I'm not to do anything. Step 1, 2, 3 and 11 help me most at these times.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Neshema

No I don't have a sponsor. I do have a al-anon friend I can call and talk to. I have 3 meetings a week within 5 miles of me and have been to every single one of them. Saturday night I can go to a open AA meeting just down the street. I'm not without help. I don't want to do this alone but I also don't ask for a sponsor. I do everything short of doing the steps the way they should be done...with a sponsor.

My anxiety is up because I know things are going to be coming to a head with my son. I just need to calm down and let him go

Gaby · Senior Member

Cathy I completely understand you. I am starting to understand I am powerless of my son and his addiction. You do not want to lose it. Mentally I did. My son got kicked out Thursday from sle for testing dirty (which I knew in my heart he would) he calls me Saturday morning and tells me he needs to talk to me. After staying in his car Friday night in the drive way of the sle place in the cold stormy ugly night. I knew that his car is where he had to stay. That was his choice, he knew what his consequences are at that place. Well we talked. He said he is tired of living the way he is and he has never stayed in his car but yet he has stayed out in the streets back a year ago but I believe at that time he knew I would go find him and comfort him. Well after our talk I said you do what you have to do I can't help you I need to help me. He agreed. He left and came back and sai that the sle place won't let him back until Wednesday morning. I said well you need to do something. I don't know how to help you. So last night I went to enjoy my night with my daughter and husband and he called and said I have no where to go the Salvation Army won't take me with a dirty test and no mom I'm am not high. I said wait in your car until I get home. When I got home all cars and front yards where icy .. I told him I will allow you to stay tonight but then you have to go. He said ok. Believe it or not I told him he had to stay in the same bed as I and he did. Tonight well I'm not sure if I enabling but again he said the only people that would take him are his addict friends and he wants no part of that. I said tonight you'll stay but tomorrow you will find a place or stay in your car with a blanket. I don't know if I am hurting him or enabling or what I maybe doing. But what I did say is you want help you want to stay clean you will no longer tell me you will show me. You will go to any extent to help yourself. If you truly want this. I did tell him that if this happens again. Do not call do not come around because I will not waste my energy looking for him. As much as I hurt and love him . I can not allow him to play me like a fool. This has gone on to long. Right now his safety zone is his meetings and the house until he goes back to sle but after that I will not do no more. He has to work at what he wants. I have had a migraine all day just having him here. But I say all this to you because I feel you and your pain and love for your son. But they are grown men enough has to be enough. Is that have a relationship to our addicts can not go down with them. I never gave my son the tough love but I truly believe he sees it now. I told him all I can do is pray for him. And that's all we can do. I getting it they have to want it themselves. I can't fight this battle for him I am powerless but I can gain my strength back for what ever is to come. Take care of you.. I completely understand you ..

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
Neshema

No I don't have a sponsor. I do have a al-anon friend I can call and talk to. I have 3 meetings a week within 5 miles of me and have been to every single one of them. Saturday night I can go to a open AA meeting just down the street. I'm not without help. I don't want to do this alone but I also don't ask for a sponsor. I do everything short of doing the steps the way they should be done...with a sponsor.

My anxiety is up because I know things are going to be coming to a head with my son. I just need to calm down and let him go

hey Cathy, well, U gotta do what u gotta do....I was giving my es&h as a caring friend, that is all....and the "doing everything SHORT of doing the steps the way they shold be done..with a sponsor" is a very KEY part of the programme, but like I said, I am just here to give my ES&H and let the other do what they gotta do........I just hate to see you suffer like this......thats all.....U R such a sweet lady, I hate to see the nice ones have it so hard.........sorry i was just throwing out es&h and suggestions.........PEACE be with you

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
Neshema

No I don't have a sponsor. I do have a al-anon friend I can call and talk to.
My anxiety is up because I know things are going to be coming to a head with my son. I just need to calm down and let him go

I didnt see the "I do have a al-anon friend" that is good....when i was between sponsors that is what I did...we commiserated w/each other, worked the work sheets on the steps together and it was great....she to this day is a great friend to me...we keep in touch and we facebook together...lovely lady, so i am glad u do have help............and yea, things may be coming to a head.......i would breathe and deep breathe...visualize yourself at a nice beach, watch the waves come in and hear the sea gulls, OR if you prefer nature, think where you would like to be and use ALL 5 of your senses when you "travel there" and just LET GO...........thats what i do when life is too much........sending you prayers

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I just don't know what to say! it is all feelings.

I knew my AH almost all my life, we have a son. I loved him in so many ways. When it got like where you are it was torture.

For years I hoped he would die since he was/is so miserable. he has cancer, hep c, wounds won't heal,is totally insane. tore me apart. I told you I had to work HARD to really see him in HP's hands. I can do nothing but love him. I know in my heart and head the man i loved is dead. I also know our Father remembers him as he really is. I trust no matter what it will be ok.

Remember your dear son is not really aware of things around him. He does not feel or think like we do. You could offer him a healed wound or a case of whiskey, he would want the whiskey. that is how powerful the disease is.

I learned to say the disease is doing this or the disease is making my AH do whatever. I completely separated the disease fromm AH. I still do.

Your son was probably a darling little boy. My AH was a wonderful husband and friend for many many years. the time inbetween mourning him is way far apart now. I don't even cry anymore about him.

I don't remember much anymore well I mean I don't remember how he mademe feel anymore.

I wanted others to understand how much the disease hurt me and AH was sick,it was not his fault.

Been alone now without him, not even a quick call or seeing him anywhere. We always kept in touch no matter what.

I really know my childhood friend, boyfriend, father of my son, husband I wanted all my life is dead. that is the only way I can keep my head straight. the man I love died a long time ago. this is only a body walking around with a disease controlling it.

that is NOT your son, that is a disease that has stolen him.

you don't have to let him go, he has been gone already for a long time. You are grieving the loss of your child.

You may try to tell yourself he is gone, the son you know passed on. You could even do something like put something of his and or a picture and let it go down some beautiful river or creek. Let him go. Maybe a place you can make a memorial for him. Go there to talk to the son who is kept prisoner by a disease.

I journal when I need to get things out. did for a long while when I had to face my manfriend is not ready for an us right now. I quit becuz it hurts too much and I want to let it just be in a coma right now.tucked away inside me.

I remember when my first husband was dying from the accident I wrote letters to him in the journal I kept and others wrote in when he was in a coma.I kept saying you will read this. I hope you read this. It helped. still have it.

anyway my heart goes out to you. keep posting!!! love,debilyn

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

My son texted again. They cleaned the wound and said it was fine and will continue to heal. They gave him more bandages and let him go. He doesn't have a ride home because of his insurance lapsed so he has to walk. 3 miles. It should take him about 2 hours I figure walking slow and not doing anymore damage to his knee. I pray he makes it because he lives in a not so nice part of town now,

I'm just sick right now but what can I do but let him suffer the choices he has made no matter what. He has to learn what he's doing to himself. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Today's C2C reading might be a help to you, Cathy, if you haven't read it yet? It might help give you strength? (((C))) I know this is hard. Thinking of you with tenderness and understanding.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

No I didn't read it until just now. It's a little late now but I can tell you one thing.......HOW SO TRUE it is. I did it recently and I felt so good what I did.

SMILE

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy: You've been doing it all day today. You didn't race to the hospital. You didn't offer to drive him home. You didn't text frantically back. You let him deal with his own stuff on his own. I'd say you carried on just as the writer suggested in today's reading. You let him experience the consequences of his choices today. I'd say you could write a page just like the one for today from C2C. I hope you applaud your effort today before you go to bed! You've practiced program today and I know from experience how incredibly painful and scary this can be for a Mom who must say no to her natural inclinations and yes to letting the chips fall where they may.

To add a little more: You are helping to create new home movies. As I see it, you're letting him be the hero in his own life story. He gets to tell others of the harrowing day when his wound was open and he couldn't get help from an ambulance driver but was able to get a taxi ride to the hospital. He had to sit for more than an hour in the waiting room and endured his wound being cleaned. Then, he had to walk a good two hours home with his knee hurting through a rough part of town, but he made it. Him and his HP. Thank God for my Mom, too. I didn't like it at first, he'll say. But, later, I realized that she knew I could do it and she let me.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 8th of December 2013 11:43:40 PM

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Many parents in pain find that they have become more obsessed with their adult child's behavior than their adult child is with his own behavior. We want our adult children to change more than they want to change, or more then they even think they need to change. The Al-anon program teaches family members of alcoholics to "put the focus on ourselves" and not on the alcoholic or anyone else. The same holds true for enabling parents. If we put the focus on ourselves, we will not longer be in the position to:

Suffer because of the actions and reactions of others.
Be used or abused by others
do for others what they could do for themselves
cover up for anyone's mistakes or misdeeds.
create a crisis
prevent a crisis if it is the natural course of events or
manipulate situations so our adult children will eat, sleep, get up, pay bills, and not suffer the consequence of their choices or actions (i.e.., take care of their business for them)

Part from the book: Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I would have never thought of it that way Grateful. Thank you....

Prayers for him that he does make it home safely though. May his HP be with him right now.

Sleep....I hope it comes soon. 3am will come really

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Prayers as requested, Cathy. And of course HP is with him. Breath is something human beings simply can't clone or manufacture. That comes from a Higher Power. If he's breathing, HP is with him - as close as his next breath.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, I am truly proud of you, you have given your son his dignity by letting him work through this on his own, it must have been so tempting to rescue, I know and I rescue maybe 9 times out of 10 but you are inspirational to me because you have stuck by your convictions. You have followed through with not engaging for a while now even when you have been tested to the max. You have sent him a message that he is a man now and he cant come running to Mum, he must take responsibility for his choices and that you have faith in him to deal with this situation as a grown man would. I mean your actions have spoken way more than a thousand words, you have not cushioned his crisis or took any lessons away from him. I feel lucky to have you, watching you go through this same journey as me and showing me how to do it.x

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

sending love and support from afar,

RP

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Cathy

I can see my post was useless to you, as you are going to meetings and you are talking with an alanon friend, I see that you are doing what feels comfortable w/you

I just know from MY standpoint, I would not have gotten so much out of the steps had i not gotten "coaching and guidance" from a good sponsor or even two sponsors......

I just was throwing stuff out there for you to think on, based on what I benefited from.....

I am gonna lift you and son in prayer and hope all turns out ok for you and him....

I think I need to back off....work on my steps book w/sponsor and stay in my own playground....I think I am best suited for "next door" then for here......seems my posts are more of an abrasive on this side then just sharing my es&h which was always my intent....

you take care, lady, and know that you are cared for by a lot of people, including me........

may PEACE find you

I am just too upfront and "tell it like it is" for a lot of people

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

No your not Neshema I'm not working the program to its fullest extent and you are helping me think about my actions. I need help like this to realize my potential and what this program can truly bring. Don't you ever leave me or any of us for that matter. Your ESH is very valuable. All sides need to be thought out and give from the heart.

((( hugs ))) my friend...your the best

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

My son got home safely at about 1 in the morning. He texted me. I prayed for his safety walking home. He got there......

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:
No your not Neshema I'm not working the program to its fullest extent and you are helping me think about my actions. I need help like this to realize my potential and what this program can truly bring. Don't you ever leave me or any of us for that matter. Your ESH is very valuable. All sides need to be thought out and give from the heart.

((( hugs ))) my friend...your the best

I wish my mom had loved me HALF as much as you do your child....I would not be so screwed up had I had a loving mom like you and some of the other good women here who also suffer with addicted children........mine didn't want me and I tried so hard to please her until, finally, I gave up....sometimes "giving up and giving over" or "tossing in the towel" is the only thing left we can do...and in doing so, we release that BIG arbatross around our necks and we suddenly realize that there is a ME under all that pain and we begin to see things that we missed b4...when i gave up on her, i was less tired, less exhausted bc the fight to "make her love me" was gone.....in a way, you and i are like bookends.....I, in the past, had to give up ever having her love..........you, in the present are being forced to give up ever having your son back if this drinking continues.........both stories are so sad.......its like mourning a death....a death of a dream....every mother dreams of the healthy and abundant child (you) and every child dreams of the loving, nurturing warmth of a mama (me)...when those are taken away (you) or denied (me) its like ripping our hearts out while the heart is still beating.....So the only thing left is to live for ourselves.....Cathy a heart can be shattered but still keep on beating......Creator has a purpose for all of us here....letting go and that "release" that comes with it helps us relax so our tired and broken hearts can have a chance to heal and our perspectives can change for the better........so, beautiful lady, you have carried this burden with dignity and grace and more strength than you think......as you let go and release him to his maker, you will find your path easier to walk.........hugs .

Rose50 · Senior Member

((Cathy))

You are an inspiration to me. I don't know if I would be as strong under the circumstances. Every day I think about my son and say a prayer that his HP is with him, taking care of him in the way that I can't.

I'm sending my love and support to you! So good to hear your son made it to the hospital and safely home.

(((((hugs)))))

Katytexasmom · Veteran Member

Sending love and support as well. Your strength amazes me.

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