The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, not to the subject. My bf is with the AA for the 8th month. We've got ups and downs. He's got his moods - before drinking, during drinking, now... emotions.. they affect our relationship the most. It may be rooted in his childhood, the insecurity, low or no self-esteem... he's on the second step with his sponsor, he's trying.... but the mood still comes and goes.. he's without work for years.. for some time I can be the most understanding and supportive, caring, active and all, but sooner or later it catches up with me, gets my energy bellow zero and I get depressed and want to give up everything.. being 35 yo with not much hopes for children under these circumstances, on my own in another country having no family around to reach for a little support doesn't make it any easier, and a copendency is probably a part of this relationship. Al-anon meetings around are during my working hours or too late, when I'm out of city, therefore, when I'm in my low low place, there's no one to reach, my friends don't know what I've been gone through, just bits and pieces, they either have their own life or given up on me, that I'm 'weird, strange, different, anti-social' etc.. I'm quite happy in my own company, yet I've been a bit more isolated for a while, at the same time I don't make friends quickly. Is there any way out from the circle?
-- Edited by Pipi on Saturday 7th of December 2013 02:07:44 PM
The best way out of the circle is to break the circle and step out of the craziness. Those of us affected by the addictive diseases have come to find peace and serenity by attending al anon meetings, obtaining a sponsor and staying connected with people that know how to integrate the 12 steps into daily life. There are daily online meetings available through this site. Welcome and keep coming back!
Welcome, You are not alone and Im glad you have reached out, you have broken the isolation by coming here. This is a safe place to let it out and even if you cant make meetings you can come to the online meetings here and you can get the literature that Alanon use, check out the website. Keep coming back, there is hope and life can be much much better.x
Aloha Pipi and welcome to the board also. PP and el-cee have passed on their Experience, Strength and Hope (ESH) and I can tell you that it is part of what worked for and on me. You are not alone now...we're different than the people around you in many ways; one because we understand and have been where you are at. Keep coming back and we can and will offer solutions which have worked for us in the past. When I was early in program I use to leave work to attend meetings as "therapy" sessions...cause they are. Administration was glad I was getting help cause the disease was affecting my work. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Him being sober may not have made him into the one that's right for you and it certainly hasn't made you right for you. Only you can do that. Keep an open mind. Try online meetings here. Feeling isolated, helpless and focusing on reasons why you can't get better or feel better is a recipe to be miserable.
Congratulations Pipi, you've just taken a step out of the circle - I hope it feels good
It is difficult to realise that all is not right, but you've done that. I remember when I first faced up to the changes that were happening in me and apart from surprise I also felt empowered - I could, and would, do something about it!! Feeling isolated is not good (I live half way up a mountain in a country where I don't speak the language!) but taking steps to change that can be fun and once I got started it was not nearly as daunting as I had imagined. Reach out. Folks will help you when they see you making positive changes. And joining the wonderful folks here on these boards has been a huge support for me, so I hope you keep coming back.
glad you found us. My partner is in early sobriety so I can relate to your challenges.
You say your al anon meeting are late, I work full time and do most of my meetings at weekends. Sometimes depending what is happening I will drag myself to a meeting mid week no matter how tired or how far I travel because I know how I will feel after it.
Its a bit like esxercise the hardest bit is fitting it in your life but you know it is good for you and the outcomes far outway the effort.
My meetings are a priority in my life I can honestly say I think I would be very emtionally unwell without them, I need the hugs, love and support from people who inderstand.
let us know if you manage to access a meeting and share your experience
Thank you all for the words of kindness and support, much appreciated and an apology for such a late reaction, things went hectic over the Christmas and all.. not feeling much better though, short periods of busy times end up and mad insecure and hopeless thoughts get me sooner or later... one of these days I'll do my best to access a meeting.. Thank you all once again and many happy returns to you!
My AW is 70 days sober. It is hard for her, and she is working her tail off. Therefore a lot if emotional swings.
But guess who has the most emotional swings in the house? Me! That's when I come here to vent or just read someone else's story, and often calms me down.
If you can get to a single meeting, quite often you will get a list of telephone numbers of people who are willing to talk between meetings. So that can help with the isolation as well.
I hope you can take the time to work on yourself. I still have swingy emotions, but I have tools to help, and people to call on when I have feel I can't cope. So the isolation is starting to subside.
