The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all, I'm trying to be mindful... be present.. and it hurts.. I just had to put an old friend down(13year old black lab) because his health was failing him and strangely enough I had to put his brother down (because of different health issues) a month ago.. Pretty weird... all these years together having such great lives... and they both die within a month of each other... I was lucky enough to have brought him and his brother into my life 13 years ago. Such cute happy little black lab puppies.(so much joy they brought to those around them) I was single for many of those years(not now).. I took them everywhere with me... so many joyful outdoor adventures and quiet kind moments (they were amazing all the things they so joyfully did with me). The both have taught me so much about love, living in the moment and forgiveness. And being yourself... they never tried to be each other. Such good teachers.
I am trying to feel this moment to welcome grief with kindness ... But I don't like it. It hurts to open yourself so fully to love..( Im 50years old never had kids) So the friendships with them were so important to me. In my head the concept of impermanence makes sense...but today my heart does not like it. I know I gave them good lives..which they gave so much more back to me...
It was pretty weird .. I had in-laws at staying at our home on thanksgiving (and for the next four days) I had take my second dog to the vet and put him down... They are very un enlightened, unfeeling.... un compassionate people at this stage in their life. When it happened i tried to share my grief with them...bad idea. They were not capable of understanding or any kind of compassion. I don't really hold that against them... You Know" Don't go to the lumber store for a loaf of bread" So I just stuffed my grief... (my soul does not like that) But it seemed like what I had to do.
And that brings me to today...(one week later) I am feeling strong grief of the loss of my two buddies, my best friends for so many years... that have been such an important part of my life for so long. I realize as I write this how much attachment I am putting on them..(my dogs, my friends, my.... my...)And yet My heart does not want to let go.. of them...
I have not been as good with meditating and prayer.. something like every third day instead of everyday... just have not felt the passion for it. I don't feel mad at my Higher Power.. I just miss their happy little wagging tails... their happy loving eyes..the way they would sit next to me ... always wanted and giving more love and affection... I miss the all the moments we shared... Im sad they are not here for more moments.
Any words of advice.... Ideas on how to grieve... easier..( I know that sounds silly) I used to drink, eat, Tv, take on a major project.... try to fix someone else .... ect... not a good option for me.... I worked out really hard this week several days in row.... my body is saying that is not the answer either.... I guess it is time to feel this pain... sorry to say... I don't like it. Anyway thank you very much for letting me ramble... May all beings have peace and free from suffering including me, Stilllearing
(((((((((hugs)))))))))) Stilllearning.
There must be so many lovely memories and our canine friends are indeed really very special teachers indeed. I don't think that we can stuff grief -for me I think it is absolutely ok to let it wash over you and to share as many of those special memories with all of us as well. We love our dogs!
(((((((Still)))))))),
I am truly sorry for your loss of your beloved dogs. I can relate to the grief of losing a wonderful dog myself.
My question is this, why must your heart let them go? I lost a dear friend yesterday. I loved her so very much and yes, I know she isn't a dog, but grief is still grief. It is still very fresh, especially considering that her death was a complete shock. My heart hurts, and it should. How long will my heart hurt? I don't know. But I do know this, my heart will stop hurting when I am ready for it to stop hurting. At some point I will still have my attachment to her, but it won't be like it is now. It will change and I can carry her with me.
You had a long lasting relationship with two loving creatures. 13 years is a longer relationship than I have had with a majority of people that have really major active roles in my life. Just allow yourself to feel the grief. It's a week later, but that's just a drop in the bucket compared to how long those two pups were in your life.
Take care of you, if what you were doing doesn't sound appealing, try something different, and maybe something that doesn't cause your body pain :p. I cook, bake or clean. My ex husband used to joke that if he came home and the house was spotless and I was baking up a storm he stepped one foot in the door and stepped right back out. We had three little kids at the time, so spotless house didn't always happen. I read. I listen to really angry music, it really helps. Swimming helps me too. It's harder to move so I tend not to over do it in the pool.
We are here for you. Share stories with us about your pups. Most of us are pet lovers and would love to hear them.
Yours in recovery,
Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
((((Still learning))))...To not grieve would be un-natural...grieve with gratitude for them in your life and the experiences of happiness you have had while they were there. Get angry and throw a tantrum at the powerlessness over the loss if you have to and then move back toward acceptance. God get pictures of them and set the pictures out in the open so that each time you pass the pictures you will smile and say thank you!! Thank you both and thank you God for your generosity. Grieve and go stand at the window of a pet store and remember the cute funiness and the joy which is always available by choice. Put the pictures of them on this board so we can share it with you. (((((hugs)))))
I'm sorry, Stilllearning. I know how much those animals become a part of our lives. I also know how hard a decision it is to let the vets help our animals die. Like any loss, it takes time to feel it, grieve it and open our hearts again. I never could understand how people could feel so upset by the death of a pet - until I had one. Much understanding and empathy. I know it hurts. We grieve as long as we need to do it. 13 years is a long time to spend with 2 very good friends. (((SL)))
I am so sorry for your loss. We too do not have children so all of the dogs we have had over the years have been our fur kids. I grew up with all sorts of animals as a kid. At 20 I had my first dog as an adult. Her name was Pudgie. She was almost 16 when she died. I was devastaed. She was the love of my life. Down the road we adopted Katie, Samantha, Dixie, Maggie, Aubrey, Allie and Tori. All were so special in their own way. For me the pain is still there but it does lessen in time. Right now we have two little sisters named Jackie and Tami. They are 1 1/2 years old. We decided to have puppies one last time. Most of the dogs that we adopted were rescued. I think unless a person is an animal person they just don't get it. They cannot even pretend to get it. I have told many people that I love animals more than most people. Our dogs are our whole life. Are they spoiled? Absolutely. Do they get on the furniture, sleep with us, etc., yes they do. We love these little girls more than life. When we adopted the other dogs after Pudgie it was never to replace her but to have another little fur kid to love. In time you may get to that point to adopt another one or two, but only you will know when that time is. It hurts like hell and my heart breaks for you. I will be thinking of you and your two babies.
I am sorry for the loss of your beloved pets, and so close together. One of our cats passed a few years ago and I still tear up when I speak of him. Another of our cats, who we have had for 19 years, has kidney disease, so all of her time with us now is a gift....ugh. You have lots of support here.
I have three daughters and my only son is really furry. His name is Charlie and he is a golden retriever.
(((((Still learning))))))
Write on the board as often as you wish.
Grieving is a process and we all have our own way and find acceptance on our own time.
Write a journal of all the happy memories. It is an enormous change and will take time to find a different way of living without them.
Try to not let yourself become too hungry. Angry, lonely or tired.
As one who absolutely ADORES her pets, I am truly truly sorry for your losses......
of COURSE they were your buddies, your children, your "furry" babies....I have 3...2 pits and an ancient, fat black lab female and i am facing that "helping her go home" time in the near future.....it is not going to be easy...all my "fur babies" are rescues....."fat girl" had been abused...it took me a year to prove to her that she would never be hit, abused, neglected or treated with anything but love.....now?? she is a fat rolly polly old lady who still on occasion grabs one of their many stuffed toys and she will give it a shake, also a good "roll" in the back yard, legs spread apart, rubbing her back on the grass still gives her ecstacy but her FAVORITE "entertainment" is when I empty a cereal box or a carton of soy milk and i give it to her to shred....she has that down to a science....she can shred good enough to get a job at the FBI.....
I enjoy and savor each day i have with this fat, gentle, soft snouted sweetie bc , sadly, doggies don't live really long lives, especially the bigger breeds.....
so grieve all you need to...people who are so insensitive to this kind of loss have no soul in my opinion.....to some they say "oh its just a dog"....i don't get it....I avoid folks who think like that.....people who don't honor the children, critters, disabled and elderly need NOT apply for a position in my life.....
sending you comfort hugs and again...I am SO sorry for your loss of your babies.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
My heart goes out to you. (((hugs))) I took my little 6 lb - 6 yr old Maltese to the vet a few years back, thinking they would just give me a gel to put on his nose to lick off and send me home. He had suddenly became very sick. His name was James Dean. I left that vet's office with my 8 yr old furry fellow in a box. They had to put him down, he had Parvo and his liver and kidney were shut down. I never realized just how attached I was to him, until that day. Crying all the way home to bury him in the back yard. I swore I wouldn't get another dog, losing them was just too painful. About a year later, I saw a post on newspaper stand outside of a McDonalds' A beautiful white Maltese, free to a good home. The family that had her had a grand baby that was allergic to their dog, so they had to let it go. I was a bit hesitant but called and went to see the dog. As soon as I sat down, she jumped in my lap. That was almost 8 years ago. Her name is Baby Girl. I brought her home.
Today I have two white Maltese and one black mini Poodle. I have had the two Maltese's for about 8 years, and the Poodle for about 6. They were all around 2 years old when I got them. I also have two ol' fat cats, that I got as little kittens. They are around 10 yrs old. My male Maltese, recently was very sick and they discovered he had Addison's Disease. He has to have a shot every month at the vets and a oral dose of Steroid every day by me now. Losing this dog would have crushed me. I am so glad I didn't have to let go, and they were able to figure out what was wrong with him before it was too late.
I say all of this to say this. These "animals" are my family. My friends say.."John and his gang". They are my little kiddos. They love in a way that is spectacular and are so intelligent. I love that when I lay on my couch, they all gather around me, one at my feet, one by my side and other by my head. Keeping in mind they are very small dogs, weighing 7 lbs at most full grown. Some people think they are "yelper's". They don't yelp, they greet people with a ton of excitement! They are merely letting a visitor know they are extremely happy you came to visit THEM LOL
I know I won't have them forever, that one day they too will go, that they are only on loan to me from my Higher Power. They are not mine, they are His. And I can only hope that when that day comes, I will be able to stand in the light of abundant gratitude and say Thank you dear God for allowing me to watch over them and sending them to me so I could experience, true, unconditional love.
John
__________________
" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
I completely understand what you are saying. Our puppies (babies) become as much of our families that they are literally like children. When my husband lost his father, the mourning period was so devastating to him that when he asked for another dog I agreed. Mind you I was like John in that at one point after having lost our Golden (put her down after 13 yrs) I promised myself "never again" I couldn't take the pain of loss. Yet what this new baby pug has brought us was much joy, unconditional love...and ya know what she's never ever once said anything that upset me. (lol) Cause that is part of the blessing of pets, they show us love like no other can. It's truly a gift from above. We let them even closer into our lives and hearts because unlike people they never disappoint. Sure they can be naughty but if you really look at it, generally it's something we've taken for granted to leave out a shoe or not take them potty the moment they gave us the sign they need to at that moment. She's certainly our baby, our sons have grown and moved out now and our baby, (she even has a coat and a harness we call her t-shirt). We would be empty nesters but with Mia here we feel like we have another 2 yr old roaming the house.
She sits on our laps, gives us loving kisses, plays each night and keeps us two older folks active and busy tending to her needs. We take walks we wouldn't normally to tend to her needs. We play catch in the living room with her, each of us down on the living room carpet and she bounces and barks (laughs) and prances and dances. She's our doll baby for sure. She sleeps with my husband and keeps him warm and loved. I dare say should we ever loose her since she filled that void I fear since she helped take away the grief and loss of his father, that I fear we would have to get the husband a person to fill the loss. (joking here).
My friend, I truly understand. Been there done that hated it understood the amazing gift God gives us to care for one of his most marvelous creatures.
